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Loosing interest in hubby

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ValGal

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#1
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rdvrk, I wonder if there's really ever any other way.

I don't believe most women can have an ongoing sexual relationship without forming some type of bond, no matter how strongly you feel about hubby.

I certainly can't, and speaking for myself, my time with my bf is like a fairy-tale...we get together when it's convenient for us both, we laugh, we have wonderful sex, we exchange cute little emails on and off...both of us are always on "good behavior" in the little fantasy world we setup. Of course this adds up to a separate relationship altogether.

How else could it be?
ValGal

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Posts: 94
#2
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Shrinking Violet, thanks for the advice - I agree 100%.

Like you, I was resistant to the idea in the beginning. I thought it was somehow wrong and would lead to the end of our marriage. Took lots of convincing before I agreed to try, and a lot of the reamister was because I saw how important it was to hubby.

In the beginning, I also tried to keep a sexual relaitonship going with hubby, but after a while, it started to feel a little weird (I think to both of us) and it dropped off. It was a gradual thing - not like one day I decided "that's it - no more sex with hubby". Following the good advice I've been given in here, I had more communications with hubby about it, and it seems that he probably prefers it this way.

I do keep hubby aware of everything that's going on in my life, especially with regards to my bf.

Our approach is that I offer him sort of the sanitized high level summary, and if he wants to know more, he asks, then I always answer anything he asks 100% honestly. So I might for instance tell him "saw bf for lunch today", and if he's not in a good state of mind to hear more, it gets left as that. But if/when he wants to know more, he asks and I tell him with complete honesty, no matter what he brings up.

I think hubby and I have a strong emotional bond - it's just become less and less about romance and any sort of physical connection. I try to look at the cuckolding thing as a gift he offers me, and I try to accept it as gractiously as I can. I value him in my life and would never leave him, but over time, any physical attraction and feeling I might have had seem to be fading away...that's the part that concerns me, even though intellectually I know it's part of what he might want.
cuckky

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#3 · Edited by: cuckky
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ValGal

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#4
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Cuckky, first off, I urge you to be really careful with this...there's a lot of difference between fantasy and reality, and unfortunately, if you get it wrong, it's almost certainly a relationship-*******er. Just my advice...

To answer your questions, I think a lot about whether hubby just might want someone different too. We've had lots of direct talk about it and he says no, that he's 100% committed to being loyal to me. I think what it comes down to is that he really *does* have "a sexual relationship", but for him, it amounts to hearing about my escapades from a distance, and then lots of masturbation.

I'm sure you feel bad sometimes that you can't satisfy your gf...hubby is like that with me. Makes him feel pressure and anxiety, and I think he'd feel this exact same way, no matter who he was with. To him, the idea of sex with a woman has almost a selfish component to it...maybe sex in the conventional way isn't all that satisfying to him (or you?).

He says that the alternative, being able to masturbate all he wants, is much less stressful and just as enjoyable, especially with the boost he says he gets from whatever offense and jealousy fetish he has. Somehow he also makes me feel like he's attracted to me - even though it's a bit of a weird way. After all, he would have to love me a lot to tolerate sharing me a guy who can make up for his inadequacies.

Bottom line is that it's not like hubby went absolutely celibate...we hopefully just found a way that both of us can get the sexual satisfaction we want - it's just a little non-standard in terms of society's views on sex and marriage.
subserv

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#5
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Val Gal,

I find the way your relationship with your BF just fine. I have lots of fantasies, but mostly I would have been perfectly content as the hubby with just what you guys are doing. I think what you wrote about your relationship with BF makes sense. It's a far different thing to have a marriage relationship than the current relationship you have with BF.

Also, regarding what you said about your non-standard relationship, who really knows what goes on in marriages?
heather1

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#6
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I have no problem with my hubby at all, it was my idea to get into cuckoldry well I kind of encouraged him.
I love my husband more than anything and without him I couldn't be a cuckoldress, I don't want just any little dick man to be my cuck, I want him
we both enjoy this kind of life.

Your problem is that you are not a cuckoldress you only done it because your husband asked you to and you thought what the hell let me fuck other men if my husband want me to do it then I do it, you misunderstood your hubby.
he wanted you to cuck him not just relax around and then get bord with him.
kapugi

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Posts: 42
#7
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ValGal - You mentioned in your first post that the thought of seeing your hsuband nude is a little weird for you. Do you still allow him to see you nude? What about how you dress around him? For instance, do you wear sexy items with your boyfriend and simple pajamas with your husband?

I am curious how far you have taken it to that level. That would be the ultimate offense if I could no longer see my own wife nude in my own house!
ValGal

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#8
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Subserv, thanks for the vote of confidence. Hubby acts like I'm giving him this wonderful gift of a cuck marriage sometimes...good to know there are others who'd find it desirable as well.

Heather1, you sound pretty sure of yourself...bravo - I hope I get to that point someday.

Kapugi, yes it's pretty much at that level where I don't feel too comfortable with hubby seeing me undressed, and he respects my wishes by giving me my privacy that way. It's not really something planned or "enpowerd" - it just seems to work out that way. As far as how I dress for bed, with hubby as often as not I'm in sweats...with my bf, well, honestly we tend to do without.
name

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#9
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U do have a feminine soul! Congratulations to u all!
jersincl

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#10
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Wholly Mole'y, Thats just one of the reamisters my wife and I did'nt keep going! My wife told me once her BF cum's in her she's going to have a problem with our relationship! I really think the natural bond between a man and a wife is deminished when she feel's another man complete her passion! We knew this ahead of time and discussed it. When he did cum in her,she said secretly whispered and I could hear her,(fill my belly with your love baby), we ended it right after that night the risk of her falling love with him was to great! Thin line between passion and a lasting bond!Sexy as it was, the downside for us was to great! Just wish we would've taped it in those days.
gks
heather1

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#11
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Quoting: ValGal

Heather1, you sound pretty sure of yourself...bravo - I hope I get to that point someday.


Yes my dear I am sure of myself and you have to be as well.

There is a big difference between cuckoldry and wife sharing.
I think you are in between and not sure which way to swing.
If you are into cuckoldry then keep your husband be his friend and don't keep any secrets from him
If you are into wife sharing then sorry I can't answer that for you.

Shrinking Violet

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#12
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Heather do you mind if I ask you a permisteral question?

How did you come to get so comfortable in your own sexuality and mind to be... well comfortable with yourself and what you do?

By the was I'm not sure of the questions I'm really asking, but I know its important somehow
The Goddess rules the Horned God
heather1

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#13
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Quoting: Shrinking Violet

Heather do you mind if I ask you a permisteral question?

How did you come to get so comfortable in your own sexuality and mind to be... well comfortable with yourself and what you do?

By the was I'm not sure of the questions I'm really asking, but I know its important somehow


I know what you mean ( I think )

Sexuality is something we are born with and we all start fantasizing about what turns us on from an early age.
Some people enjoy homosexuality and I am sure you wouldn't ask a gay permister how did they get comfortable with with their sexuality.
I sexually active and always enjoyed been in control of my life including my sexual desires.
blazingsun

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#14
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Hi ValGal,

I don't visit this site much anymore, but I had a very interesting relationship. The wife was very good at handling things and was able to rekindle things keeping the things on between he and her hubby.
Well if you are happy the way things go or are going or how the advices came in, but if you are looking at other options send me a mail on blazingsun_2000@yahoo com. I like things happening , but from permisteral experience there lot of the times advices here are very exciting but does not lead to a solution which would make like comfortable for everyone. They make big changes in life and lifestyle changing your values and yourpriorities.

Bye
All be best and have a nice time.
stacey23

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Posts: 22
#15
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Hi ValGal,

It sounds as if you are appreciative of what your husband has done for you and that you have a healthy sexual relationship with your BF, but you may be missing something very important.

In sex between a man and woman (good sex) reality is fueled by fantasy. In other words, you and your BF fantasize about the next time you’re together. You get worked up flirting with each other and when the moment comes that you’re together alone you are both tingling with anticipation. Your BF is rock hard at the sight of you which in turn makes you wet, which in turn makes him even more excited, which makes you even more excited until you both reach a crescendo and collapse in each other’s arms. The fantasy only makes the reality better.

In masturbation, reality fuels fantasy. Although you may feel your husband is sexually happy with your current situation, and I’m certain he most likely is to some degree, the only way for him to reach higher levels of sexual gratification is through better fantasies. His hand isn’t excited to see his cock and vice versa, it’s only a means to an end. Since you are his sexual fantasy and he remains true to only you, you fuel his fantasy. You can make the difference between him having a weak orgasm or a mind blowing one.

I’m guessing the biggest turn-on for him right now is knowing you are being satisfied by someone else and hearing you tell him the details. Since he has given you this gift of a fantastic sex life and he is still your husband, I think it only right that you help him to have the best sex life that he can have. This doesn’t mean that you have to disrobe in front of him or even let him see or touch you. If you’re uncomfortable with that he should accept it, but there are many other ways you can keep him happy.
Next time you and your BF are together you should bring a digital camera and have your BF take a few photos. Because they could end up on the internet some day, I’d suggest the following, so you will never regret taking them. No faces except for the following:

1.) Have him take a head-shot of you in the thralls of ecstasy. If the picture ever ends up somewhere else, it’s only a shot of your happy face -biting your lip with lust
2.) A close-up of you pulling your lips aside, inviting your BF inside you - with your ring visible.
3.) A couple close-ups of him inside you, hard and glistening from your juices with only the head of his cock inside and one of him in all the way until he’s so deep that his cock is hidden.
4.) A shot of him entering your from behind with his hand on your ass and your hand on his.
5.) And of course the lady lode shot of his seed dripping from your pussy. This proves he took you and you let him.

Give a copy of these to your husband and your BF to keep them both hot. Your BF will love them because it shows him marking his territory and playing with what is exclusively his to play with. Your husband will LOVE them because they will show him the reality that he needs to fuel his masturbation fantasies. You will be making his orgasms much more intense. Encourage your hubby to masturbate and let him know you understand his need to do so. Make sure you tell your BF that you already have one masturbator in your life and expect him to save himself for you. There’s no reamister for him to jerk off to those photos when he can have the real thing any time! You may also think about recording yourselves someday.

I’d also find out what else you hubby is into and if there is any way you participate within your comfort level, you should do so. Most cucks have other fetishes and sexual quirks. Get him to open up and be honest with you. There’s no reamister why your husband shouldn’t have mind blowing sex, even if it’s exclusively through masturbation. He’s made you happy, try to keep him happy. It sounds like he’s a great guy. He deserves it.

Stacey
SheDatesHeWaits

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#16
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Quoting: heather1

There is a big difference between cuckoldry and wife sharing.


We respectfully disagree.

The very definition of cuckoldry is simply a wife that cheats. In fact, the original (true) definition implies that the wife cheats WITHOUT the husbands knowledge. If the husband is aware and encourages it, he is actually a Wittol, not a Cuckold.

In recent years this literal definition has been evolving, but if you share your wife with other men in any form, then you practice the Cuckold lifestyle.




cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker
SheDatesHeWaits

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#17 · Edited by: SheDatesHeWaits
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deleted - double post
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker
SheDatesHeWaits

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#18 · Edited by: SheDatesHeWaits
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deleted - double post
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker
heather1

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#19
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I respectfully disagree with you as well
Wife sharing in most cases doesn't physically involve the husband and normally he is in control. Although no one can power the wife to relax with another man but usually the husband push her to do it.
Cuckoldry is when the husband (in most cases) is involved and the wife is the one who control their sexual life.

I also respectfully agree with what you said about cuckoldry evolution
In the past cuckoldry was considered part of the wife cheating, wife sharing trend, now cuckoldry is unique world of its own which totally different to wife cheating and sharing...

A cuckoldress doesn't cheat on her husband, she share everything with him
SheDatesHeWaits

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#20
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The evolution that you're referring to as Cuckoldry actually isn't cuck. It's a variation of the FemDom lifestyle, where the wife assumes control of their collective sex life, humiliates and feminizes the hubby, etc.

For some couples FemDom and Cuck are closely intertwined. Others enjoy the Cuck lifestyle without any FemDom play.

We've done wife sharing many times in which I (the hubby) was involved.
Other times she goes out alone. There is no FemDom aspect... no offense, I don't wear lingerie, suck her lovers cock, and if anyone told me to fetch him a take I'd beat his ass and throw him out.

My wife and I agree on everything, there's mutual respect and we share everything. I'm actually Dom and she's sub. Yet, figuratively speaking, she is a "cheating wife", which is the exact definition of the Cuckold lifestyle...



cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker
stubbyhubby36

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#21
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I am a little late to the party but I wanted to add our .02 cents.

My wife and I have been actively in the cuck lifestyle since shortly after we married in 1992. We did not realize we were in the cuck lifestyle at the time because we had never heard the term used before. We simply existed in a relationship in which we love each other but she finds sexual satisfaction with other men.

At first she was concerned that we would grow apart because she was enjoying sexual satisfaction with other men and I was essentially not involved. We had our rough periods but we now agree that those rough parts would have occured with or without our lifestyle and we solved them based on our love for each other not sex.

Now, 15 years later, we are closer than ever. Sex is not even an issue with us. We spend a lot of time together without the pressures of sexual expectation. I don't have to stress about not satisfying her and she doesn't have to worry about me being unhappy with her for relaxing with other men. She has sex at least twice a week with other guys and 4 or 5 times a week is not uncommon. My sexual satisfaction typically comes via masturbation and the occasional handjob or BJ from her.

In the end I feel that our relationship is stronger than most BECAUSE of cuckoldry. Dozens of our friends have gotten divorces because of infidelity. Had they simply had an open marriage where they could seek sexual satisfaction while in the confines of marriage then they would still be married. Instead, they spend their time seeking perfection in a relationship while we already have it.

My wife gets emotional satisfaction from me and sexual satisfaction from other men who are endowed enough to meet her needs. I get emotional satisfaction from her and sexual satisfaction partially from sexual manipulation and partially from knowing my wife is happy in the bedroom.

While other men worry that their wife is cheating because she is sexually frustrated, I relax soundly knowing that my wife is satisfied every time she has sex and would never sneak around to relax with other men because she knows she doesn't have to.
40's MWC In Need Of Hung Bulls - Any Race
I love to be humilated over my little 3 inch dick.
I watch you bareback her then I clean up.
heather1

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#22
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Well I don't humiliate my husband and he doesn't wear lingerie.
We do enjoy sex together with my bf but no gay sex, ie no anal sex between husband and bf
not sure how you can justify a cheating wife is the same cuckold..??
ValGal

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#23
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StubbyHubby36, thanks for this insight...I will feel pretty lucky if we come to the same understanding you're talking about in say 10-12 years. Good to know it's possible.

Stacey23, thanks also for putting some of these thoughts into words. I had some of these thoughts, but only in a vague way. I'm not into pics, but I agree anything that makes hubby's masturbation sessions more intense is a good thing. I'll put my mind to it and see what I can come up with.
SheDatesHeWaits

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#24
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Quoting: heather1
....not sure how you can justify a cheating wife is the same (as) cuckold..??


Simple... by its purest definition, if a wife has sex with other men she is unfaithful. If she's unfaithful, her husband is Cuckold (see definitions below).

We in the lifestyle choose not to consider it unfaithful if the husband knows and approves. But, to be accurate, if a wife relaxs with another man, she's really unfaithful to her vows. It's just that we're okay with it...


MERRIAM-WEBSTER

Main Entry: cuck·old
Pronunciation: \ˈkə-kəld, -(ˌ)kōld\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English cokewold
Date: 13th century
: a man whose wife is unfaithful — cuckold transitive verb

DICTIONARY.COM

cuck·old /ˈkʌkəld/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kuhk-uhld] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. the husband of an unfaithful wife. –verb (used with object) 2. to make a cuckold of (a husband).

[Origin: 1200–50; ME cukeweld, later cok(k)ewold, cukwold < AF *cucuald (cf. MF cucuault), equiv. to OF cocu cuckoo + -ald, -alt pejorative suffix (see ribald); appar. orig. applied to an adulterer, in allusion to the cuckoo's habit of laying its eggs in other birds' nests]
cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker
heather1

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#25 · Edited by: heather1
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PCC you are proving my point about the difference between cuckoldry and cheating (unfaithfulness)
SheDatesHeWaits

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#26
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Great discussion here!

Cuckoldress = No definition on Dictionary.com or Merriam-Webster. It appears that it's one of those terms that's either too recent or too venue-specific.

Let me say that we wholeheartedly agree with you... there is no real "cheating" in our marriage. While my wife does indeed share intimacy with other men, I'm aware of it and encourage it. There's no deception, no secrets, etc. On the other hand, by society's literal definition she is unfaithful to her vows and hence an "unfaithful" wife. This in turn dictates that I am a Cuck.

I jumped into this discussion to dig into the true definition of Cuckoldry. Some think that the wife must exercise domination over the husband in order for him to be "Cucked". Others think you have be humiliated, caged, feminized or powerd into bisexuality to be a Cuck.

My point = to be Cuck, you merely have to have a wife that is "unfaithful" (to her vows) to meet the strict definition of being in the Cuck lifestyle. All of the other variations merely delve further into it, or incorporate other lifestyles such as FemDom or Bisexuality, etc.

All food for thought and banter... and certainly no judgements intended!

cuckold - Pronunciation - kuk-uhld - noun 1) The husband of an unfaithful wife. 2) A husband whose wife has sex with others. NOTE - It does NOT say: Sexually confused, submissive, humiliated, sissified, crossdresser, cocksucker, or piss drinker
kapugi

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#27
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Val Gal -

How much time are you spending with your boyfriend as opposed to your husband? Do you still go out with your husband or are most of your social activities now with your boyfriend?

I have known couples where the wife will spend entire weekends with her boyfriend and then come home to hubby on Sun night.
name

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#28
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My wife says cuckoldry isn't but a poor excuse for weaker guys. What do u think?
tiny_tim

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#29
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ValGal

Sorry I am also late to this thread, but I have some thoughts for you. Your original concern is that your sexual attraction to your bf is making you feel more distant from hubby. Hubby no longer provides sexual attraction but your bond with him on a more emotional level. I think and suggest that you channel your guilty feelings of not providing for him sexually into improving your emotional bond with him. Go out on dinnner (only) dates, snuggle more in private and public.

If you still feel that you need to improve sexual bonds with him, may I suggest that you take some time to snuggle with him while you let him masturbate. As a cuckold one of the greatest thrills (besides providing oral) is to share a self gratification session with my partner, even if she participate no more than rubbing my sholder.
ValGal

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#30 
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Kapugi, to answer your question, I spend a lot of time with bf lately...most weeks, I meet him at his place Friday after work and we're usually together till Sunday morning. Once or twice a week I'll also see him in the morning after hubby's gone to work, although we usually just have an hour or so. We talk on the phone at least once a day, and whenever hubby travels for business (once or twice a month), I'll head to my bf's place while he's away. I keep clothes and some other stuff at my bf's place to make it a little easier - no need to plan in advance and pack. A few times, we've also taken short vacations together. And yes, my bf and I have friends that know us as a couple...it seems to be an important dimension to my bf - maybe his way to show the world that I'm his.

At the same time, I also try to find as much time as possible for hubby because I do genuinely enjoy being with him, other than sexually. I'm also completely honest with hubby, so he knows exactly where I am and what I'm doing 24 hours a day, and all he has to do is ask if he wants the gory details. If he asks me to rearrange something to spend more time with him, I usually will - in my mind, it's clear that I only get to lead this life because I have permission from hubby, and the least I can do in exchange is be respectful of his feelings in these regards.

Quoting: name
My wife says cuckoldry isn't but a poor excuse for weaker guys.


I'm no expert on cuckoldry in its entirety, this is just my opinion based on my hubby. Still, my own permisteral observation is that the true cuckold guys have some pretty deep-seated issues that prevents them from participating in a normal, loyal, sexual relationship. Given the kind of pain, jealousy and fears this sort of lifestyle stirs up, I would hardly call these guys "weak". Different, for sure, but not weak. Again, just based on a sample of one, so your mileage may vary.

Tiny_tim, thanks for checking in and yes, you more or less have summed up where we are. We do try many of the things you suggest, and I will often suggest that he masturbate whenever we're together. So long as I feel like more of an "observer" than a "participant", I'm perfectly happy with it, and I suppose I even see his masturbation as some sort of proof that he's okay with our situation.
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