Can a wife with low libido become a cuckoldress / hotwife?

Hi all,

My wife has a notoriously low libido. Never masturbates. Rarely initiates sex out of desire - only obligation. Just to see how low, I've gone 2 months waiting for her to initiate sex before I finally couldn't stand it anymore.

Now, I know what you're going to say: maybe she just doesn't have a libido for ME, and yes, I do think that's at least partially true, because in our past, she was a lot more amorous, even cheating on me in college (before marriage). So, yes, my wannabe hope is that it's not her, it's ME, and that she may someday find a stud who she aches to have inside her OFTEN.

But back to my main question: have any of you cuckolds, who successfully got your seemingly low libido wife to cuckold you, seen a major change when she became a cuckoldress?

I'm talking about wives who PREVIOUS to cuckolding you, would only seem to really want sex (with you, without your prompting) every 4-6 weeks or longer? Do any of you fit into that category?

I'm wondering if I should hold out any hope of this someday changing.

See my more detailed story at:

https://www.cuckoldplace.com/1_77712_1.html

and my captions:

https://www.cuckoldplace.com/27_74912_1.html

Your feedback is appreciated.
Wannabe - see my captions at http://www.cuckoldplace.com/27_74912_1.html

Yeah, not to be harsh, , but, good luck with that. I'm rowing the same boat here.

Oh I hear ya! I'm still pretty sure this will never happen, but always hold out hope. That's why I solicit other cuckolds' input, particularly any that may have had the same situation but ended up being successfully cuckolded anyway.
Wannabe - see my captions at http://www.cuckoldplace.com/27_74912_1.html

Well I'm surprised to hear someone whose situation resembles mine.
My wife's libido is close to zero...she never masturbates, and rarely initiates sex. We have talked extensively about cuckolding and she is not against the idea (which is wonderful) but because she has such a low libido, she will not actively pursue another partner for sex. I am reluctant to be the one to 'push' her or make initiating efforts to find another man because I am terrified of having it come back to bite me. I need her to be the one to drive the pursuit (initially anyway).
Sex between us happens maybe once a month and often involves dirty talk by her that she'd rather be getting it from a bigger dick...but I feel she's doing that for me because she knows it gets me off.
I find it a little depressing at the moment. I realise that my desire for something closer to a lifestyle that I hope will make us both happy is a long way away.
Its been like this for years, not months. I've read so many accounts from genuine people with cuckold experiences in marriages plus have knowledge via family experience and I know that pushing never works. I'm a patient man and I love my wife to bits.
When the stars align...sparks will fly

I believe I can authoritatively answer both questions:

1. Can you get a low libido wife to cuckold you? Yes.

2. Did you see a major change [in her libido] when she became a "cuckoldress?" Yes, but.

My wife is very much like yours - perhaps even lower in libido than you describe. Like your relationship, she had more interest early on when the relationship was novel, though was never highly sexual (mine is super-high). We have successfully lived a cuckold lifestyle, so it is certainly possible. In fact, I'd say that the lifestyle has helped to make a marriage of such mismatched libidos work.

But to your second point: It is true that when she started cuckolding me, her libido picked up sometimes. However, it was not a steady or sustained increase. Looking back on over a decade of ups and downs, I would say that there are two factors at work: Novelty - in two senses - and better fits. When she first started, her libido revved and stayed revved for sometime because she was getting off on the fact that we were doing it. It made her feel powerful. It made her feel naughty, wicked, and transgressive. That she could have another man (or men) without losing me, made her feel desirable, worthy, and successful. But after sometime the novelty wears off and the thrill is never the same. This was especially true once we were a bit more out about it and lost its shock to friends. The excitement of doing something illicit - of sneaking around - was a powerful aphrodisiac to her.

After that, he libido slackened some again, but it was (and is) still capable of revving up when she had a new lover. There is something about the new relationship that excites people - think about when your wife was first with you. (I understand that it is actually biological and evolutionary.) Guys who want to fuck married women are interested in either the NSA fucking or the married, if the later they lose interest after a bit, if the former, my wife would when it all became too familiar.

The other way that having lovers can increase her libido is simply by being a better fit as a lover. This is the fantasy you alluded too, but in my experience it was really true in one sense. My wife is not naturally dominant and really prefers an aggressive top as a lover. Early in our relationship, when I was trying to get into her pants, she could take me for that. But once she got to know me - cuckold, sissy, submissive, offense junkie, etc - she simply could not suspend disbelief enough for me to role-play the top. The ability to role-play involves being able to engage in "lets make believe." My wife is not highly talented in this area and after a certain point, she just could not take me seriously in the dominant bedroom role - certainly not convince herself to the point where it got her hot. But she is able to surrender in this way to men with whom she doesn't have this history or baggage - and exploring your forbidden fantasies that way supercharges her libido the same as it would for you or me.

So what all this has added up to in lifestyle is that my wife has had a series of short-term lovers, (usually less than a year) rather than one ongoing bull. She has fallen deeper in a couple of cases (with guys who gently helped her explore her need to be submissive) and would have been willing to stay with those longer, but they both flaked off for various reamisters. (Which, BTW, sucked for me, since she got burnt and had a while before she'd go out again.) Her libido will rally with a new lover - more with some than others - but eventually wane. In between lovers, her libido is not increased in any notable way and usually she it is not even high enough to convince her to go get a new lover. As a consequence, I've had to help a lot with getting her out there, which as you know is a very delicate situation - and she isn't always open to the help.

Anyway, that is my experience. I wish you luck. It seems to me that you have two things on your side: First, everyone has fantasies; second, everyone begins to worry about running out of time as the get older. My advice would be to know her fantasies and try to convince her that she could experience them, with no risk of losing the safety and security or her marriage and your love, through cuckolding. A risk-free chance to live a dream is usually pretty attractive. If you can sell it.


Again, good luck!
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

man_in_dam and MrsBlackBlowupDoll, thank you so much for your responses. It's nice to know there are others out there, both successfully cuckolded and still pining for it like me.

MrsBlackBlowupDoll, your detailed response, is, as usually, insightful and a good honest look at how things really are. I think if I were ever cuckolded, it would be much in the same way you and your wife are: exciting for periods and then "back to normal" in terms of her libido.

My fantasy, of course, is that it would somehow trigger her inner nymphomaniac, but the reality is that while I'm sure she'd enjoy the "risk-free chance to live a dream", reality would kick back in pretty quickly when day-to-day life resumed.

And yes, I believe doing it illicitly would certainly make it better. I had not imagined we would EVER let friends or family know about this.

MrsBlackBlowupDoll, had you and wife planned all along to "out" yourselves about practicing the cuckold lifestyle? How exactly did that come about?
Wannabe - see my captions at http://www.cuckoldplace.com/27_74912_1.html

My experience is EXACTLY the same as mrs black blow up. Well said!

My question to MrsBlackBlowupDoll really got me wondering what percentage of cuckold couples are "out" about their lifestyle, so I created a poll:



which I'll also post in its own thread (if that's allowed).
Wannabe - see my captions at http://www.cuckoldplace.com/27_74912_1.html

I'm curious - for those of you who planned it to be "out", did you find this lessened the excitement of it all? Or increased it?

I would think keeping it illicit would be far more exciting, but I suppose if you're more into offense, it might be more exciting to out yourselves.

Do you think that's the main difference between those who do NOT want others to know, and those who DO?
Wannabe - see my captions at http://www.cuckoldplace.com/27_74912_1.html

cuckaliciousr,

I answered your poll and last post on the Ultimate Cuckold thread, where I saw it first:

https://www.cuckoldplace.com/8_78132_1.html

However, let me answer your earlier question about how it came about that we were out. I don't think it would be accurate to say we planned it "all along." From the first, public exposure was a big fantasy for me since I am into offense and my wife early on told me that she thought it was "dishonest" to keep "the truth" of "who you really are," from my friends, but it was only fantasy talk. In reality she was very determined to keep things private. She is a private permister and not the kind of permister for whom even discussing sex came naturally. She was also very aware that any exposure of me would necessarily expose her to scrutiny.

As things developed, however, she began to want to share the stories of some of her boyfriends with her girlfriends. She felt bad lying to them, constrained by the need to remember censor herself, and anxious to brag a little (not in an explicit way, she isn't like that.) Her first telling someone was a couple of broad minded girlfriends and I half suspect she was just trying to show them she wasn't the repressed vanilla girl they thought. Those friends kept it to themselves, made no big deal of it and nothing changed as a result. (I know, I'm supposed to say they participated, blah, blah; or began to tease me. They did not.) Another chink in the wall came when she was seen kissing a boyfriend goodbye. The permister who saw her was not mainline among our friends (actually, it was more dangerous since she was related to a work colleague) but it spooked my wife good. We managed that situation too.

All the time I was pressing on my desire indicate at least my submissiveness to old friends, and we found ourselves making winking references and broad hints in front of people as a form of flirtation. With a few of our couple friends, jokes about man-crushes, etc. had a vogue and I think that gave us the idea. Increasingly, we broadly hinted and "joked" in such a way as to leave people wondering how much we were joking and specifically (and at this point deliberately) directing them towards a running gag of my "gayness." After a while, it just became about confirming what people already half-wondered about.

So while we hadn't planned from the beginning, it was no accident. There came a time we made a decision and set a strategy. There were long conversations - both in bed and out of it, and a bit of us egging each other on to see how far the other would go. (Truthfully, I had to drive parts of it. She is not domme enough for me to just passively let it be done to me.) One thing I am glad of is that we didn't do it quickly, cleanly, or universally. By dribbling it out a bit at a time to various people in ones and couples, we dragged out the exquisite *** for me and maximized offenses. (Although this process was only half about that and half about her easing into something that was scary.)

I hope that helps.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

What do you mean coming back to "bite" you? Are you afraid she'll fall in love with her bull and leave you?

If so, find a married guy with a good job and a family (me, for instance) who will make it clear from the start that it's about fun and sex and nothing more.

Go on alt.com and/or adult friend finder and create a profile laying out what you're looking for. Lots and lots of guys would love to fuck your wife and I'm sure at least a few of them would meet your mutual requirements.

And you don't happen to be driving distance from Chicago, do you?

Sybil279

Hi Sybil...driving distance from Chicago? er, no...Amsterdam, The Netherlands here.
Thanks for your advice. We have a profile on Alt, for some time now. But we go cold usually, on the responses, which have been many (see DutchKinkyCouple).
I agree that a settled married guy would be ideal, even better if his wife knows whats going on. But having said that, I honestly reckon it will come down to a spur of the moment thing when the stars align ie: her libido is raging and she happens to be flirting with a guy she's attracted to...wherever that may be. She knows she's got a green light from me, so its a matter of being patient.
As far as the 'come back to bite me' comment, I know I'm playing with fire, and there is a possibility that my wife may get swept off her feet by someone and thinks the grass is greener on the other side. So in that situation, for my own conscience, its better that she walked this path without any pushing from me - more a willing participant.

man_in_dam

I looked at your profile on alt.com. My advice was based on the assumption that your wife was a mere mortal, rather than a flaming hot goddess. Never mind. A wife that alluring changes the usual cuckold calculus, lol.

Good luck to you, though, because if I were you, I'd be dying to watch her have sex, too.

Depends on the girl, and I don't think it's just about libido levels, but also what sex means to her. I was with this girl who for her sex was just such an intimate thing between her and the permister she loves that she just couldn't think about doing it with other guy for the sake of it.

Obviously if Chris Hemsworth came along, I think she would've let him fuck her, but that's other story. What I mean is that she wasn't interested in having any bull. For her, each time we had sex, it was a way of getting our "souls" closer every time, so that was it.