Having trouble dealing with it all

Guys I'm looking for some support. My wife has been seeing a friend with benefits for 2 months. They are texting back and forth, which I'm ok with, but I've asked her to limit it to times I'm not home. I have been included in a 3some, they take pictures when they are together, I have full access to to her email chats and phone texts. We talk in the bedroom about everything they do. There is nothing that she has hidden from me, it's all out in the open. She says she will not leave me for him. It excites me that she is having her fun, but I still feel left out somehow. Does this feeling ever go away? Any advice?

Who initiated wifey's friends with benefits activity? Was it agreed between you and wife before she started with her friendly fun or did you find out after it had begun? What permisteral sexual pleasure are you receiving in this current scenario? Do you have any homosexual or bisexual inclinations, activity or desires? Does she allow you penetration, give you BJs or handjobs? Do you masturbate often, either alone or in front of her (or them)? Is your penis limp, too small, too large, premature ejaculation or other inadequacy? Are you relieved now that your sexual performance issues (if any) is being mitigated by her new lover? Are you currently in chastity or feel that you would rather desire and enjoy keeping your organ safely inside of a CB instead of having to try satisfying a vagina with it?

How do you compare to her lover (looks, penis size, age, income, permisterality, sexual abilities etc.)? Sounds to me that you are starting to feel that the genie is sneaking out of the bottle. It seems that you maybe think you are losing too much control of the situation. You are definitely getting less than 100% of wifey's attention! You feel that you are slowly fading out of the picture and not getting your fair share of enjoyment.

Does this feeling ever go away? Nope.


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..............PSEUDO PERSON...YMMV!

I know the first guy my wife played with got a majority of her time, when they first started talking. We worked together and when she had a break, she'd leave to go talk to him. They'd text all day, she was all giggly with him and on the way home, she'd talk to him the entire way. They talked until he had to go and I felt left out, wanted access to everything, even though she told me she wouldn't leave me either. After a while, I had to realize my jealousy was not helping my cuckold desires. Yes it is part of it but part of being a cuck is working through that. I never asked to be part of a 3some with them because it was not supposed to be about me. Well....not directly. I wanted pics and videos, both which were supplied. After a while, I realized that the less I read her texts, emails and listened to her conversations, the more happy I was. Reading the messages and listening to the conversation just let my mind interject my point of view and feelings into it and I didn't know the context or intentions of my wife. They lasted for a little over a year and by the time they were finished dating, I had stopped reading her messages and just started trusting her. He was also the first she spent the entire night away from home with and that, too, was hell. If this is something you want, you need to learn how to fight through these feelings. Stay open with your communication and work with her on ways to lessen your frustrations. Overall, though, I'd say she should be able to communicate with him when she can but she needs to know you are feeling left out and there are two parts to being a slut/hotwife. One with her boyfriend and one with her hubby. Hope this helps..

I_A_S_P

It was an agreed upon situation. It is more of a hotwife situation rather than cuckold. There is no bi activity at all. My wife and I still have our normal sex life, this lifestyle has enhanced it, however I still have jealousy issues. Size is a little different, him being larger. Looks are comparable. Income does not factor into our scenario.

cpl4fun13
Thank you for your advice. Your situation sounds very comparable. I will private message if I have any questions. Thanks so much!

You are very welcome and good luck!

yep know the feeling mine texts and talks about a hour a night have to tell her to wrap it up time to time irritates the piss outta me at times. but its normal if you didnt have jelousy tinges something would be wrong. we dont have the hot wife cuck thing either but other guy gets quite a bit of attention.

mncouple78

Jealousy is part of it. You should try to channel this "dark" energy into sexual desire. That's the idea after all. If you are not part of it you loose the main benefit and all you are left with is the fact that your wife feels better. Which is great of course! Not really a cuckolding though but more like an open relationship.
For me the difference is that with cuckolding all parties take active part of whats happening. And I prefer it that way. Dealing with jealousy is part of the fun.

Scratching my had and wondering, what's his problem? She keeps you entirely in the loop, gives you the sex you need, is a happier wife, reassures her love and loyalty to you and respects your wishes. What more do you want!!??

Are you telling us you never imagined jealousy would be an issue? Really??

Maybe this lifestyle is not for you. Maybe you should go back to a normal, conventional marriage. Talk to your wife about your feelings dude-before its too late
Faggot Pussy

This IS the Basic Cuckold section. There is a huge difference between imagining the amount of jealousy and actually feeling it. I also think he is dealing with a big difference between expectations and reality. I'm guessing that he didn't imagine his wife paying as much attention to the new guy as she is and that its disconcerting to him.

Just because he didn't know exactly what to expect or how to deal with it doesn't mean the lifestyle isn't for them. Maybe it is if he just adjusts his expectations or explains what they are to his wife and they can come to an understanding. Maybe he will figure out that its not for him. But to mock the guy for expressing his honest feelings about the disconnect from fantasy to reality is completely uncalled for.

I_A_S_P

It was a mutual decision to enter into the hotwife scenario. She found the guy that she wanted and the first time they were together it was a 3some with me. I have had full knowledge of everything from the very very beginining. This is the 3rd guy she has had on the side, so we aren't new to this. My jelousy issues come and go with how she acts with me and what is going on between us.

They only meet once a week, so in a pie chart my slice of time and affection from her would be 90%.

I guess I am just seeking advice on how to deal with the jealousy and advice on other ways to stay in the loop and other ways I can benefit from her having all the fun.

TinyCockWimp

We are in constant communication about it. I have told her my feelings about it. We are working on ways to figure out how I can benefit more from them having fun. This forum is a lot of help.

mncouple78

Both you and your wife sound and behave like two normal human beings. Your jealousy is just as valid as you yelling "ouch!" if someone poked you in the eye with a sharp stick. Wife is behaving normally in this matter also. How she acts with you and what goes on between you and her is greatly affected because of the influence of the third party here. Face value says that you are getting 90% of your wife's time and affection. Probably much less if you factor in the time and thought she spends thinking about, telephoning and texting her lover.

This is the third different lover for wife in this game yet you are still playing the "Left, Right, Out" position in it! Hard to get hits and score runs when you're at that spot in the batting order! It's not your wife's fault because that is the way ALL women behave when they receive ambiguous and equivocal direction. You can "discuss" this situation til Kingdom Come but I believe that - given her druthers - she'll do whatever she pleases whenever she decides to. I believe TinyCockWimp's advice in the last paragraph of his post #10 (above ) is probably the best for you. She already knows your feelings about things and that you aren't getting your share of HER fun. This is your tough luck. She's getting hers! Enough "communicating". She ain't listening! No reamister for her to.

My advice to you: Grow a pair. Put your foot down. Hard. Three strikes and she's out! Yank the plug on her current fling. She can concentrate on the KIDS instead of acting like a teen with phone and text. Yeah, she'll be plenty pissed and there will be loud epithets and lots of door slamming. This lifestyle is most definitely not for your marriage. Ending her fun with other men will turn wifey into a raging fireball! GOOD! You will absolutely be first and foremost in ALL of her thoughts! Where you belong! Be a man, be firm (she'll try very hard to break your resolve!) and be the BOSS from now on. Deep down ALL women want a man with a spine!


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I_A_S_P
This is the wife, we are signed in to this site together.

I am not texting the other guy all day long. If I had to guess, texting would be about 2% of my day, and that includes other friends too. I do not initiate any communication with him so as not to get him into trouble with his wife in case she happened to see his phone first. I get a few texts throughout the day from him, most of them not even remotely sexual. I have always felt this guy is looking more for a friend than a playmate. My husband has said he prefers that I not text when he is around, so I have tried to limit it and keep it short. I have played by all the rules that he has enpowerd, and kept him up with everything I was doing or saying. He can look at my texts any time he wants. I do not talk with this guy on the phone because he doesn't want my number on phone records. So there is no time spent away from family chatting on the phone either. I am a stay at home mom, my kids and family are the center of my universe. My extra stuff does not effect any of that part of my life.

I am listening to what my husband wants. We went into this from the start together and discussed everything. I ask him all the time if he is ok with things. I don't think he wants me to stop seeing this guy because he gets excited when we have pictures to show him, he likes hearing my stories about what we have done and it has added a level of excitement to our relationship. It has given us something to talk about and something to look forward to. I have tried to set up "date night" for the 3 of us to go out together, but the guy has a tough time getting out at night because of family committments. This is the one thing my husband has repeatedly asked for, and I have not been able to give him yet, and it was not for lack of trying.

I understand his jealousy. No way could I deal with it if he was seeing another woman. He was looking for validation here, that it is normal to be jealous in situations like this. He likes what I'm doing, but also doesn't like what I'm doing. Without going into a lot of details, we have done a lot of talking in the past few days about all of this and I have tried to become more lenient with other things he has requested in the past. We were hoping this site would be an outlet for him as well. Telling someone to get out of the lifestyle is kind of rediculous since it's an obvious interest if he has paid for a membership to a cuckold site and has been an active participant all along our journey.

If he doesn't agree to everything I have just said, he can update it. My husband and I have been together since we were kids, I never in a million years want that to change. We are just looking for ways to improve the situation we are in.

mncouple78

Understood!

None the less, the kid is complaining about the current situation.

Deep down inside; although it is very difficult to see right now, I feel that if you were to consider the last paragraph in my post # 14 (above) for a few days, you would agree.

I feel that the only way for your situation to improve is : Hubby must take charge and be the man!

You detest the idea now, but we both know that it is your innermost desire.

Some rough sailing ahead. You kids will make out all right!


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..............PSEUDO PERSON...YMMV!

i have been on this site for some years and just in the last few weeks got fullly into the lifestyle.

i feel the pain of jealousy as well but so love the fact that she has another focus from her sexual desire now. makes me fell complete but a little empty to, very strange.

You feel left out perhaps because you think of her as "yours". That she owes you somehow. Maybe it would help if you truly deilghted in her freedom...to revel in the company of her lover. Allow her to decide when she wants you "back"

Smart Ladies know that without purpose and clearly defined social roles boys can become anxious and misbehave.

By applying a few easy FemDom techniques like giving them titillating orders and a little exciting embarrassment women can make everyone happier!

You will get over the jealousy with time. Its something new and takes time to work that out in your head. Most important is she makes husband feel like he is the most important thing in her life. If the husband feels like he is coming in 2nd, trouble starts. However with time, you will get past the jealousy and then the real fun will begin.

It is great that you have an open line of communications, trust is the most important thing that a couple can have that are into a relationship like this one. If your husband ask to stop everything and go backto the old lifestyle could you? Would it hurt the marriage? The old saying "watch what you ask for you might get it" may have been to fast for your husbands likes especially if you are all flustered when you receive a call or when youu speak of the other permister and you are all giggly. You seem to be very level headed but also the one that drives the train in the household and your husband seems to be the one that follows or when given a choice will ask you what you want. I think he just needs reassurance that he is still number one. I know this may be stirring the pot but is the other permister a better lover? Has you husband picked up any tips from your suggestions? Does your husband ask these type of question? It may be a way thay he is trying to compeat with the FWB guy. It might be good to take a break and work this our and make sure that he is ready for that lifestyle for real or if it should be more of a fantasy bedtime discuusion thing. The big thing is can you walk away from it also......you mention that he has been on the web site (its free) and looks at things on this topic but you are the using this as a justification to maintain the lifestyle. I think going slow and build between both of you is a good approach, it is amazing that you have great lines of communication and that you are both open about it, just give it time and make sure the each other is number one.