I don't want to ditch my boyfriend but.........

Well he's not really my BF,but it's a bit complicated.

Forgive me,I only found this forum yesterday and this is my first post so I hope it's in the right place.

I'm a 29yo white female and live with my ex BF,we met at school and went to college together and I went out with him for about four months when I was 15,I went out with him again for a few weeks when I was 17 but we never had sex,I used to play with him but never let him cum,I think we both enjoyed the tease and if he complained I'd tell him he could always do it himself.
I knew he did and it gave me a huge buzz to know he was wanking over me.
I left London to go to another college and didn't see him again until nearly 2 years ago when he moved down here to the coast(different town,about 20 miles away)and we met purely by accident at a hotel,I was working there and he was there for a business convention with his company.
We had a take later,talked about old times and old friends then I just suddenly blurted it out and asked him if he was still wanking over me,he told me he was!
I couldn't help it and told him to go to the mens toilet and have a wank"right now"and he did,and when he came back and told me he'd done it I cruelly called him a wanker,he just agreed.

We move on a few months and I have to leave a lot of things out or this will be too long winded but we met up quite a lot,he took me out at least once a week and when he finally bought a house here I agreed to move in on the proviso there was no boyfriend/girlfriend stuff,most people think we're a couple but we're not and never will be,it's a purely financial arrangement and I don't pay rent or contribute toward the bills,he pays for everything,it's nice because I don't have credit cards anymore and he has me in his house.

But the problem is he loves me and I can't return that.
He knows because I've told him enough times that I went black a long time ago,please don't think this racist,it's in no way meant to be but I'm totally sub to black men yet Domme to him because he's white.
I struggle to make him understand that for me ANY black man is my superior and should be his.
He's asked me to marry him(we have separate rooms and do not have sex)but I can't,I know I should for financial reamisters but so far I'm refusing.
I'm tempted but only because of his money and the financial stability,I have a nice lifestyle with him(he won't put a credit card in my name on his account yet though)and I don't really want to lose that.

I've told him if we DO marry there will never be any sex and that I will continue with my chosen lifestyle.
And that means my club visits.
I regularly visit a private black club in London(I have to as there are few black men in my area)where I work the bar and the tables as a waitress and stay there for the weekend.
Technically while there I'm "owned" by the club owner,I don't get paid,the agreement has always been that I keep 50% of my tips,I'm not the only white girl that does it there now but I was the first and I've done it on and off at the clubs various locations for 10 years and I serve both black men and women.
It's safe,yes I get used verbally and sexually,physically too,I get spanked etc,but that's why I go there and the BF can't quite grasp it.
He likes me to tell him about it sometimes but then he cries!

I play safe,I do what I'm told and that means anything but I'm careful,I hate condoms,I love bareback but they have to be used so I do a lot of oral and I like to swallow,I'm not a fan of the guys who like to self jerk on me,they don't need to,I have a talented mouth.

Sadly the club is the nearest thing we have in the UK to gloryholes or adult theaters.
Gloryholes over here are purely for gays but I do have an idea about turning the BF onto that,I'd love to turn him gay!

He has asked if he can come to my club but he can't,I'm scared he'd get beaten up,if they let him in that would certainly happen,I've never seen a white man in there.

So basically anyway I don't want to ditch him or my lifestyle but he's starting to cling and I don't want to marry but I'm not sure where to take the relationship?

Lauretta
Very interesting, a hint of verismilitude about this one!

nice word choice ...what is ..sarcasm
is a dificult one to answefr
ultimate fantacy for a lot of guys here if it wre at all possible
question is how long would the arangement last?
what are the implications involed n what about youngren/family?
maybe only sadness can come about with this situation... but hey love can grow you know and the chance could maybe one day love and respect him 4 who he is...no one knows what your life can bring and if you can find happiness with this...then good luck hunny...cheers
ty

It may not be an "entirely" accurate representation of the truth randyadrian but at least I can spell "verisimlitude"
Trouble is when I write these things I tend to tell them as a story,it's just the way I write,but it's true,I just may embellish it a little without meaning to.

One of the problems is what HE really wants,it's difficult to tell because he's not very good at talking about it and joranc,what you say is what I'm worried about,if there were any sadness it would be caused by me and I don't want to do that.
I make myself out as a mean,selfish permister but I'm not,maybe it's a defence mechanism.
He on the other hand is quite selfish,not so much where I'm concerned,but that perhaps is because he's trying to buy something he can never own,but in his business dealings he's not a very nice man and has very few friends.
Children,no,I don't think either of us would make good parents though yes I did once say to him(more than once actually)when he mentioned it that I would have a black baby if we married and how would his business friends see that?
In reality that is just a fantasy,it's not something I would do,again a defence mechanism,something to fight back with.
And I don't think I respect who he is,in truth it's more pity.

My club life is generally a lot of fun,I was introduced to it by someone I met at a fetish club party.
Sometimes I don't like it,I certainly don't always like the men but it gets me so sexually charged it's like I'm takes on it,the offense is a huge turn on and there's a strange pride in knowing I'm being enjoyed.
I'm not stupid and know it can't go on forever but for the moment I'm young enough to enjoy it.

I have to ask as I'm trying to understand.
What is the attraction of being cuckolded for you guys?
Is it the offense aspect,knowing you can't satisfy your wives and being told so?
Is it a form of female domination to you?
Or even a secret desire to be dominated by another man?

I know the BF has had gay sex,he told me when he was takes that in his teens and early 20's he visited public toilets that had glory holes."cottaging" they call it over here,but he insists it was only to be masturbated through an anonymous hole and that he reciprocated only once and never did anything more than that,I think I believe him but I wonder why he did it?

Thanks for your replies guys anyway.

Yes.

This is just what I hear you saying but, I don't REALLY know you so, take it with a grain of salt. When it comes to your life on the weekends:



If that ends up being something you enjoy for your the rest of your life, the one thing to remember is that it's still only a part of your life....it's not your entire life. What are you going to do, just lay low all week waiting for the weekend when you can get away for a couple of days and have fun. That kind of sucks....is just the weekend going to be enough or would you like it more often...four days a week....every day of the week?

If the weekend is enough for you, then what are you really going to do during the week that makes your life complete. Finding someone you love that also understands what you need and enjoy would be ideal for you to be with during the week. That's much easier said than done of course....a lot of people search for that their whole lives and never find that permister.

That being said, what I hear you saying now about the man you live with is this:



It's not just that one sentence either....it's the way you talk about him when you describe him....it's not love. You mention financial reamisters a few times because that's what you need him for.





That doesn't sound too good....I can't imagine a marriage lasting when it starts off like this.....I think sadness is a real concern along with a lot of other undesirable feelings. You said you know you can't do this forever so when it stops, then what....you then have no need for him if you're not in love...that's a divorce at that point or a little further down the road when you realize that without the weekend fun, why are you with him. I have a feeling though that whether it's the club or some where else, you'll always want to be with black men.....you're hooked....you like it so much you're not going to just stop one day and be content with out it.

When you mention things about him having been with men and knowing about gloryholes, is that because if he got into that he could be with you as a cuck while you enjoy black men.....or is it because that way he could go his way on the weekends and you could go yours and then appearing to be a couple during the week would be ideal for both of you (since you each have your own kind of fun on the weekends). The later I don't think is so good but, being a cuck couple certain works for a lot of couples on here....they're very much in love....is possible though with the two of you....you don't sound like you can or want to fall in love with him.

As far as what the cuck thing is all about....different people have different reamisters. If you go back and read through the older posts you'll notice it's what starts all the arguements on here. One thing that is common though, is that the couples that really enjoy it are in love and always have been.....it's what has allowed them to enter into the lifestyle in the first place.

I think your "Friend" is a closet cuck that needs to come out because any real man would have kicked your ass to the curb and found someone better suited for him. Nothing against you babygurl, but I call it like I see it. You are basically "Tricking" this white boyy out for the support he gives you. Your post would indicate a total preference for BBC and I don't think that's going to change no matter what your friend does to convince you otherwise. So keep pimping out this trick and keep on heading 2 da clubb fo yo big black dickk. Nah seriously though, why haven't you found a black man who can provide the same type of support you get from your white friend? I say trick him until you do so!! Peace!!

Others will try to guilt trip you but they don't understand.

If you left him, he'd waste his whole life feeling empty without you.

It's his destiny to be your slave.

Look into femdom aka Female Domination info.

As for respect? You don't really respect pet but you still keep them.

Kittensucker
nice

Hey Lauretta

You're totally sub to black cock - that's perfectly understandable. Your boyfriend must understand that as an inferior white guy.

I'm in London - where's that club? PM me, or let us all know.

If you have any white horny friends who love black cock too, looking for a rich white cuck, let me know.

TIM
yahoo: london_cuck_for_bbc_worship

Twenty years ago when my wife and I got married it was with a very clear understanding that she be allowed to engage in sexual activity with whomever she pleased. We were and still are truly in love but I had to learn to accept her need to receive black cocks regularly.
Certainly she has slowed the pace a bit over the years, and now when that need arises, when my still slim petite and attractive wife comes across a black stud in a club she will enjoy dancing sensually with him. Then if he shows interest she tells me. Then I introduce myself as the hubby and explain how our marriage works and invite him to fuck her.
If he is ok with it I am allowed to kneel in the corner and watch, if not I'm cuckolds brownie out of luck and must amuse myself elsewhere while they play.
Luckily in most cases her black bulls could care less if I watch while I kneel in the corner with my little erection quivering at its full 5 inches as my wife is impaled and rutted hard by his BBC.
After her black lover has filled her with his fertile black seed, I am sometimes allowed to gently use my tongue to lap up his semen dripping from her well used pussy.
During these times I feel a sense of great pride for my wife and such incredible offense in my act of loving devotion by worshiping her properly fucked pussy! After cleaning my wife as they enjoyed a cuddle, I was allowed to masterbate in front of them until my little dicky spurted.
To us there is nothing better than a BBC to properly fuck my beautiful lady.

Attached file: mywifecuck6sc.bmp

Steffieboy

It would seem to me from the sound of it that you probably wouldn't have much resistance from him in turning him into whatever you desire. With the living arrangements you mentioned, its obvious that he wants you there, even though there is no sex, and that proves that you can run the show to your liking and still have his support in doing it.

I think that if you lay down your ground rules to him and he accepts them, then you can make him whatever you want. You mentioned that you would like to turn him gay. It all sounds doable, if you play your cards right. By being stern on the things that he doesnt offer much resistance with, and easing into the things that he tends to reject or show reluctance about, but still stern enough to let him know that it will be this way.

Hey, if he can't handle that then there are plenty of us boys around that would jump at a shot at what he would be declining.

Good luck and hope to hear what happens.

I'll never let a white man watch me have sex with a white girl,let alone any man for that matter.

Well I'm sure not too many white husbands would invite you to anyway, malick.

Thank the good lord for that

Amen......why *** their wives.

apparently they are already ***d,why else would they be surffing such sites as this?

hahahahahahah

90% of the "surfers" are closeted homosexual men who'd actually not mind the likes of you. Luckily, women have better taste.


hahahahahahaha

Are you a homophobe too Malik? Just asking,.

Have you ever taken a shower at a gym around other guys or been in the military?

Are you just afraid to be naked around other men?

What if i am?

He's jealous

sometimes we can not see what is in font of us

It's ok if you are. I am only trying to help, I don't mean to flame you.

Here's some web sites that might be help ful to you:

The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!

The hyperlink is visible to registered members only!

malikguy,may I politely ask you to take your comments elsewhere please,they're not exactly constructive to the thread are they?
If you can't comment sensibly please say nothing.
Thank you.

this malik homo creep is a few bricks short of a full load
eezdaze

Malik is actually Habib re-invented.

Thank you all for the intelligent replies.

UKwhiteGUY.....why oh why didn't you read the initial post properly?
The club is a "private black club",it's also an illegal,unlicensed venue which is why it's been at various locations over the years.
And you are white.
If I told you or anyone else the location it would cause a lot of trouble for me and other people.
All I can say is the location is in SW London.
Around 6 years ago(at another location)there was major trouble and guns were involved when some black guys who found out about it but weren't invited,it caused my friend the owner a lot of problems.
Nobody was hurt but it was very scary,the guys trying to cause the trouble were shall we say "recent immigrants",but I think you know what I mean,and dealing haves,which are NOT welcome at the club,not those kind of haves anyway,Boss is very firm on that.
Yes of course most of the guys there puff(I don't)and it's not uncommon for joints to be passed around but the rule is no dealing and it's essentially a music and takeing club.
The police are aware of it's existence but turn a blind eye,to them it means they know where some people are and they're not out on the streets.
However,we're under no illusions,any trouble and we get busted again.
Not that I'm assuming you would cause trouble of course but I'm afraid you wouldn't be welcome.
One old regular in his 60's used to own a cafe in Balham years ago,he delights in telling the story of how he used to keep a seperate kettle for white customers tea and coffee in which he would boil his own urine,he says he never messed with the food,just the hot takes,I don't suppose he harmed anyone but it's still not nice.

There are several other clubs like it in London,there have been since the 60's,there's even a private cuckold club in Soho where white couples go,again illegal,and no single white males.
If you search around you'll find somewhere you can go but my sincere advice is to be very careful.
Parties held in private houses are generally safe but you could be charged upward of £200.

Yes I am totally sub to black and I hope this will answer a lot of peoples questions.
It's my honest belief that almost all white women are fascinated by black cock at an early age.
I know I was and my first permisteral experience was at 14(I hope I'm allowed to say that Mod)I was supposed to be going out with a white boy but it was just a girls thing at my school to see who could snag him,I did and then avoided him for 2 weeks,then he saw me getting on a bus and found me sat at the back with 2 black boys,he asked me if I was still going out with him and I just laughed,the black boys(not from his school)told him to fuck off,and he did.
A few minutes later,not on the bus,I had my first experience of giving a blowjob,the second black boy declined the same saying "She's too dirty".

Now over the years I've been to hen nights,girls nights out and parties where there were male strippers,you might get 5,6 or 7 strippers and only one would be black but guess where the white girls hands would go first?
They might rub a little baby oil on the the white strippers or grope their butts but the first thing they go for with the black stripper is his cock.
They can't help it.
You see it in their eyes as soon as they see the black cock,it's all they can focus on and some of them even start shaking.
I have my own theories on this based on my own experiences but it's getting late and I've not long been home so I'll post on that later.

I do have a friend,married for 13 years,she's a civil servant and quite high up in her job,with her husband she has only ever had sex in the missionary position and has never had oral or anal with him,she refuses it full stop,but I sat with her one night while he was away and we watched an old color climax video(which I have and will post,I don't think it's been posted here but need to check)with a black man and a white woman who bore a striking resemblance to her,throughout she was silent and bit her knuckles,when it was over she was shaking and couldn't hold her wine glass.
She actually said "I need to do that".
And she has,with a younger black guy from her workplace,with him she does everything imaginable and hubby doesn't have a clue.
So figure that one out!

Your the one who gets off to watching other men have sex with chicks

id say thats high up on the homo totem pole,dont you think?

You like bbc,huh honey?

Can I ask anyone replying in this thread to please ignore malikguy,if you don't respond to him he's got nothing to feed on.
Thanks.

Well first let me tell u that if kinda "funny" u saying that is no racist when u say 1 human is superior to another just for been diferent race.... LOL

But as for ur problem... Go away!!! If u don't love this guy if u can't ofer him better tahn stay just around let him alone... don't see him again and ur done.

<.<
What up xD