Baby Step Ideas Needed

OK so a year or so ago, I mustered the courage to tell my wife about my hotwife fantasies of her. To my delight, I learned that it turned her on. That progressed to the point where we now talk about another man fucking her every time we have sex, and she gets sooo wet, it's amazing. Now we're to the point where our frequency of sex has ramped up quite a bit - I think the whole idea has made her feel more sexual for sure. However, when I try to discuss really taking a step to meet a man, she backs off quickly. So I'm looking for ideas of baby steps that we can take, games we can play, discussions we can have, anything you can think of to keep her moving down the path. BTW, she is 5'3", green eyes, curvy in all the right places (34D), long brown hair, and turns heads wherever we go, which is a delight to me. I'd appreciate any ideas you have, and they might help other husbands who are in the "process" as I am. Thanks!

Why not start here by sharing this site with her? Then post a photo, no face of course, holding a Cuckoldplace sign so we know you are real and let the comments from the members and accounts from other couples help encourage her.

Honestly, I dont think sharing this site with a wife who needs to take baby steps is a good idea. It doesn't take a lot of poking around to stumble across more extreme things that might freak her out, like offense, cages, castration, and that sort of thing. I don't think this site is a baby step, LOL.. thanks though.

She needs to know that whatever happens you will still love her. Take you time. Keep talking about it. Not only in bed but out of bed also. My wife and I play a game I called "Yes". If we are out in the mall or in the grocery store, I will say, "yes" and she needs to find the guy I would put her with. I know its silly, but it keeps us talking about the reality of it even in the strangest places. Take you time and don't rush it. Let her know you will always love her. Remember, you are doing this for HER and NOT for you. You are only involved to guide her to her fullest sexual potential.

I think Michael732 got it right.

I think Michael732 hit the nail on the head. Communication is a key element about this, and to have a healthy marriage, this is a must. Most women, above all else, want to know they are loved by their husband. Unless she is supremely confident in your relationship, she's not going to fool around with other men.

That type of game Michael732 suggests allows her to actually scope guys, but with your obvious consent and participation. When she gets comfortable with that (maybe in a few months), you might switch it around so that SHE starts picking guys out of the crowd, and YOU guess who she’s eyeballing.

Another step might be--again after a few months of the above games--her picking out a guy in a crowd, giving him a name for the two of you to reference, and then when you all go home she 'fucks him' by you all having a sex session where you use a dildo on her and let her call out his name a few times. The dildo is the 'other man' and she gets a sample 'cheating' on you, but you're still present and participating. Using a blindfold at some point might also be useful, since she can't look at you and is therefore free to see whatever man she wants in her mind.

One very strong point of this step is also the fact that since her lover has a name, she can talk about how good 'he' was and what a good fuck she had. She's now talking to you as if she actually did fuck another man. A lot of positive reinpowerment on your part is necessary. Tell her how sexy she looked fucking 'another guy.'

From there you can get into her creating permisteras--names you picked--and she can have repeat performances with them whenever you want.

Eventually you'll want to move on to interaction with real men. Hitting a bar or club so she can play 'single' (while you're nearby playing stag) would be a good next step so men can approach her and she can talk/flirt with them. At first this should never go any farther than the bar, and the point is for her to interact with another man, with you close by, and then you all go home and pretend that she's fucking him, instead of you.

Also take in consideration several reamisters she may not want to go to bed with another guy. Most women have body-image issues. Thanks to our society many women consider themselves imperfect because they aren’t built like a supermodel. Other very realistic considerations in the back of her mind may be things such as safety (watching TV will make you believe 50% of the population is a serial *******er, stalker, young worryer, etc.); getting an STD; being discovered by friends/family; and the tried and true one where she may fear you'll want to do other women. A cure for this last on might be this: When the two of you are out in public (mall, grocery store) pick out how many women aren't as sexy as her, versus are. If you're wife is hot, then point out that you think she's hotter than THAT woman, and THAT women and THAT woman, etc. This will reinpower that you are highly attracted to her, and will also make her feel more attractive to other men.

Be prepared that she might never actually fuck another guy, but the role-playing might take you to a place where it satisfies your desires, and also stays within her comfort zone. It's all about moving toward the goal in increments. Life is almost ALWAYS a matter of degrees, not radical changes. For example, at age 12/13 my wife was in a bad home environment and her parents kept several foster kids. She developed early and the boys paid a lot of attention to her, so she learned to party at a young age; first *****, then some pot.

With a dysfunctional family and parents (mostly her mom) who was emotionally abusive, it was an easy decision to hang out with people who liked you. By 14 she lost her virginity. By 16 a foster kid was giving her free haves/***** and inviting her to parties. She'd get high and get fucked. And he got a little money. So technically, he was pimping her. She didn't wake up one morning when she was thirteen and decide her goal was by age 16 to fuck guys for money once or twice a month, but it happened, in increments.

Take baby steps, be patient, give your wife plenty of positive reinpowerment, and enjoy the voyage. Good luck!

brettrob917,
Great thread. I also am looking for babystep ideas for my wife. She would be shocked that I would want her to be a hotwife but I have seen some changes in her lately that encourages me. Mostly a greater willingness to try new things.
Anyway, my question to you is how did you first get her to start the cuckolding roleplaying? It seems to me that is the hardest part.
If I were you at the stage you are at I would have a nice quiet discussion immediately after sex. Carress her body and stroke her hair while you tell her you would like to see her have sex with someone. Tell her you love her and that all you want is to give her the greatest amount of pleasure.
If she still is hesitant then just give the freedom to do it. Tell her she doesnt have to do it if she doesnt want to, but that you are giving her the freedom to do it. For me, giving my wife that freedom would be extremely arousing even if she never took advantage of it.

how about asking her if she would consider ringing 1 of those party chat line things and just talking to other men, you could give her oral as she talks to other men, could be fun for both of you.

You've gotten past the hard part, which is introducing the idea. My wife and I also play bedroom games about her fucking other guys so I know that at least the seed is planted.Here is my baby step plan/ I've done a few and they have at least got her thinking. She hasn't taken the plunge yet, but I think she's close. Keep in mind that this plan is also for YOU. A lot of guys THINK they want their wives to relax with other men, but have second thoughts when it actually goes down.

1. Take her to a bar or club that you don't normally go to. She'll feel less inhibited if it's a place where people don't know her. Sit at the actual bar if possible.

2. When she leaves to go to the bathroom (or whatever) find a guy in the general vicinity and ask if he would do you a favor. Every woman has something about themselves they don't like, so tell him that your wife is depressed because (insert fault here. I said because she just turned 40) and that she doesn't think she's sexy anymore. Could he help you out and talk to her and maybe do some innocent flirting. Nothing pushy, just try to make her feel like she's still attractive. I did it and although she wasn't attracted to the guy, it got her used to talking with other men and having them pay attention to her. If there is some mutual interest tell him that you'll buy a round and let her thin k it's from him. If she's not interested then don't push it. Remember that the goal at this stage is just to get her used to talking to other men and having them flirt with her.

3. Find an adult movie that has one scene in it that deals with a wife screwing around with another guy. Try to avoid the ones that deal only with this subject as she will think you're pressuring her. Pay attention to her reaction and if she's into it pay attention to the scenario in the movie. I'll post my wife's reaction to this step in a separate post.

4. Buy her one piece of clothing that is provocative without being slutty. Something that she wouldn't normally wear to a club or bar, such as a shirt that shows more cleavage than she usually does. Tell her you bought it for the next time you go out.

5. Take her to a place that has a dance floor and a DJ. My wife does not like go to dance clubs so I found a bar that has a small dance floor and DJ at night. Ask her to wear the clothing you bought her because it drives you crazy. Once she's had a few takes, beat around the bush a little about other guys checking her out. Remind her of the guy that flirted with her before. Mine said something like "oh he was just takes" so I bet her five bucks that she could get a guy to buy her a take. You could also try it from the angle of clowning on a guy. Something like "How many of these horny bastards would buy you a take?". How you go about it should depend on her permisterality.

6. A little later that night once she loosens up a little, try to get her to dance with another guy. Most of the guys there are going to be looking to hook up so it shouldn't be a problem finding a willing guy. What I did was while we were sitting together i scoped the place out for someone who was generally her type. Luckily I found one that was sitting next to us and I asked him if he could do me a favor. I told him that my wife loved to dance, but that i sucked at it and also pulled a hamstring at the gym. I asked if he'd ask her to dance the next time a fast misterg came on. I told him that I'd go to the bathromm so he could ask and to please not let her know i asked him to do this. He said "Sure, as long as your okay with it". He asked her and she said yes, so when I came back (I waited a little longer to give them a chance) they were on the dance floor. She actually danced a slow misterg with him, so if yours is willing to that it's even better. Even if she says no, she's again used to guys hitting on her and you can use that in the bedroom. Let the situation play out but never push her to do anything or even let on that it's really turning you on to see her dancing with another guy. If she asks you if it's okay or if it turned you on then tell her the truth, but if she doesn't then just play it off.

8. The next step is to see how far she will take a situation on her own. what I did was take my wife to a bar in a city that's about 30 minutes away from us. I always give her $100.00 from my paycheck for her to spend on just herself. Nails, hair, whatever. We call it her selfish money. I had given her the hundred when she got home from work, but when we got to the bar I pulled out another 50. I told her I give it to her on the condition that this time she be the one to initiate the flirting. I told her she could take it as far as she wanted or just stick to flirting but that she had to spend at least 15 minutes engaged in conversation with the guy. They ended up flirting, playing pool, and had a dance. She totally ignored me for one hour and I damn near blew a load in my pants!

8. If all of these steps go according to plan, then she's probably ready and you can get a little more aggressive in pushing the situation. Don't do it that night, but you're at the point now where you can bring it up as a real world possibility. One night about a week later we were having a glass of wine at home and I told her that it was really a turn on seeing her dance with that guy. She had a mixed reaction, so i just told her that if she was ready to go to the next level I was game. Keep in mind that all this time I was re-enpowering this fantasy in the bedroom. Mine didn't commit one way or the other that night, but the next time we watched a porno together she reached over and started giving me a handjob. While she did it, she asked me how we'd go about taking the fantasy to the next level. When I told her my plan she just smiled and said "Okay, I'll think about it". That was 3 weeks ago and I purposely have not brought the subject up again, but I'm going to tonight. This is when I'm going to get into the thing about still loving her and me not doing this in order to relax with other women. I've told her this in the past, but it will be important to re-enpower it when we are talking real world instead of fantasy.

Well, that's my advice to you. Always keep in mind that you have to do this at HER pace, not yours. She's got the pussy, so it hers to give away. I hope it helps and good luck

Michael732,

That game you and your wife play is a great idea. Whether you are a cuckold wannabe or already a cuckold...that sounds like fun.

lookatmywife

Please let us know how that goes!

You might be interested in a discussion I had with my girlfriend.

I have known for years that in a subtle way, she was encouraging me to relax with other people. Told me it would be okay, etc. We've identified that it turns her on to think about me doing it, and telling her about it.

I've talked about how I would like her to do it too, but something has kept holding her back.

We talked last night about why it turns her on. It's because she gets a voyeuristic kind of pleasure from it. So I turned it back to her, saying that's also why I would like her to do it, that I would also like the voyeuristic aspect of it. To hear from her that she's done it, to have her dating, etc.

I think it may have clicked in for her. Time will tell.

Another baby step that you might find useful is the idea of having just take a short step, such as going to a bar separately, etc., with it _explicitly_ stated that it's as far as she can go that night. That she can flirt, or dance, make out, whatever the step is, but that it can't go any farther.

Sometimes women want to have pre-established boundaries. That's why a lot of times, they'll decide before they have a date, that they're not going to relax with a guy that night. That allows them mentally to go all the way up to that limit, whatever the limit is, because they aren't worried about getting carried away with things in the moment.

Hope that helps.

We just came back from vacation in Key West (Fantasy Fest). We played the game all week. In all actuality there were so many guys it go old real quick.

Thanks for all the thoughts and let's keep em coming! Last week during a particular zesty session, I told her that I know of many men who would like to meet us for a take just to flirt with her, and minimally they say it would lead to awesome sex for the two of us. She seemed to really like the idea, so if nothing else I'm blessed with a situation where my wife finds this hotwife idea as sexy as I do. I told her that I know I would be a little jealous and perhaps a bit humiliated, but I realize that she is too sexy to be limited with just one man. Let's just say that it was obvious to me how much that comment turned her on... now I need to take yet another step.

Brettrob917,
Wow! Congratulations on your progress. That picture is amazing. She looks so hot that I need to make a comment, not just for your sake but for mine as well.

My wife also has large breasts (36d). When I saw your wifes pic I realized that both of us need to decide if we really want this.

How are we going to feel when her soon to be lover gets her blouse off? What will it be like when he first sees her creamy white breasts billowing out of the top of her sexy lace bra? What thoughts will be running through our heads as she willingly unclasps her bra and lets her beautiful breasts fall free for him? Will our stomachs turn when she closes her eyes and throws her head back as he holds her breasts and sucks on her nipples?

And what about when he finally lays her down and tries to get her panties off? Will she lift up her butt so that he can more easily get them off? What facial expressions will she have as she watches him slowly remove his clothes? Will it be painful to watch her lick her lips when his fat cock comes into view? Or when she grabs it with both hands and guides it into her mouth? Will we be saddened on some level when we realize that she spends more time and effort pleasing his cock that she does with us?

Are we sure we are ready for that fat cock to part her pussy lips and plunge repeatedly until he coats her insides with his sperm?

...im sorry, i might have got carried away. It just seeme we need to be sure we are ready for this.

You are justified in having those concerns iwm. You have to keep in mind that you can't unring that bell. First, once the clothes come off and they start fondling each other you've pretty much reached the point of no return. We have to keep in mind that your wife is going to be the center of attention, and you really have no right to let it get to that point and then you saying "Stop!"

Also, once that cock parts her pussy lips for the first the deed is done, no matter what happens after that. There's simply no going back. If she loves it then she'll want to do it again, and then if you say no chances are she'll just do it behind your back. If she doesn't like it, then theres a possibility of lingering regrets on one of both your parts, and that can cause big time problems.

The only two good scenarios is that you both enjoy it and want to continue, or you both enjoy it but decide that it was a just a cool experiment and don't want to do it again. Even if one of those happen, you'll always know that she has had a much bigger dick inside her and she's been fucked better than you'll ever fuck her. I know that if my wife ever gets screwed by another guy I'll have that twinge of jealousy and the pit in my stomach the first time she kisses another man or when she starts giving him head.

We had a situation where she actually had a guy start flirting with her in a bar and for the next two hours she completely ignored me. They hung out together playing pool, throwing darts, and dancing. They even had a slow dance and he grabbed her ass and she did not protest. The feelings you described are exactly what I felt, but the hardon in my pants as I watched made me realize that I could get passed that and enjoy what was happening. The guy fucked up shortly after they returned to the table where I was sitting and watching and nothing more happened, but that's when I knew that I could probably deal with her fucking another guy. The fact is though that until you hear her moan as she's getting fucked by another guy, we'll never know 100% for sure. At this point I think I can handle it, but even if I can't I'll have to keep my mouth shut and let her enjoy. It's definately a double-edged sword, but one that will be worth it... at least to me.

BTW, I only have about a 5" cock so finding a bigger one for her shouldn't be too hard

g1

Actually it never came up, as we were both horny as hell and started fucking within 15 minutes of her hitting the door.

As I stated earlier, we watched a porn about two weeks before that that supposedly dealt with wives cheating. Unfortunately it didn't at all, and it turned out to be the boriest adult movie we had ever seen. I grabbed the remote to turn it off, but then the last scene came on and it showed a black soldier in a hospital bed. She said, "hey, let's watch this" Turns out it dealt with a black soldier wounded in battle who was in a hospital. He was attended to by a white nurse and it was a very passionate scene that of course ended in them fucking. Brothers, I'm here to tell you that I haven't seen her get that horny in at least ten years. Within minutes she was peeling of her panties and massaging her clit. I got the message and started whispering in her ear that I was going to take her to a nearby Army post and escort her to a black club. She started moaning and immediately after I starting finger fucking her her pussy started to actually quiver, which had never happened before. In just a few minutes she came so hard that the couch cushion was drenched in pussy juice. She then got up on all fours and begged "Sergeant Brown" to fuck her. She was bucking like a slut pleading me to fuck her harder. She came two more times and was totally exhausted. That's when I got the message that, despite her saying that she wasn't interested in black men, deep down inside that was the key to getting her laid. I made up a plan to get her to that Army post, but it was recently dealt a serious blow. I'll have to wait six months now to put it in action, but at least now I know what really trips her trigger. I figure that I've waited five years, so six more months won;t make that big a difference.

lookatmywife,
Your words are very true. I had a moment where I was questioning what I really wanted.

I guess my response to your words is that yes, but it depends on the circumstances. If it is going to damage our relationship, then no, it should stay in fantasy world. If it is going to add spice and a new dimension to our relationship and enjoy ourselves (both of us, not just me) then HELL YES, lets do it!

As we go down this process, I will be constantly asking myself if it is worth continuing. You are right, though. At some point, whether it is kissing, getting naked, giving a blowjob, or fucking, our lives will never be the same again. Right now I think I can handle this.

Constant communication and assurance that you love her is important.
Mine got started by chatting and then flirting and then....yes...fucking.