told her about cuckold fantasy and she got upset (advice)

Hi. Thank you in advance for any advice or support you may be able to provide. I'm sure this topic has been discussed a 1000 times over, but looking for specific advice based on our scenario/experience.

We are a 40 plus couple. I am 45 years old and my wife is 52 and stunning. This is a second marriage for bother of us and we have been married 1 year but together for 3 years. W knew early on in our realtionship we both enjoyed the fantasy of her being with another man or another man watching us while we have sex. This is only a fantasy that we have discussed in the bedroom until recently for the most part. She has always know I have been turn on by the subject however. In the the Mrs.'s prevois marriage her husbad had encouraged her to relax with other men which she did only a couple of times in the last years of the marriage. she had enjoyed the experience so she says but her prevoius husband pressured her for details ot the events to the point of be annoying. He became consumed by the idea of her relaxing with other men but she was also flattered by the attention and flirting with men while out. They even joined websites like "Madimister" where she would chat with other men but never met them.
Fast forward. The divorced and we started dating. We learned that we both enjoyed the idea of her being with other men and flirting with other men while we would be in the heat of passion. sexy exchanges and roleplaying always seem to get BOTH of US off quickly. It's not verytime we have intimacy but quite frequently. Generally the converstation is because H ave started it. She will firt a ittle bit when we are out ...nothing serious but flirting all the same with other guys, waiters, etc. She knows it but never goes overboard with her flirting...I actually wish she be a littler more aggressive with her intentions. We have talked about her past experiences with her previous husband which are negative memories for her because he had been a constant cheater throughout their marriage and she felt deep down the reamister her wanted her to relax with other men was so he would not feel so guilty cheating on her and to also hold her limited relaxing with another man experience over her head ...making her feel guilty etc. but we have always happen an open line of communication and very sexually compatible and deeply in love.
The issues is a few different variables. She has told me that sometimes she just wants sex to be just "us" not a roleplay or mentally involing another man. she enjoys the fantasy but sometimes its a little to much for her as she just wants loving and tenderness. apparently i make her feel like she can't excite me on her own so I have to invole a cuckold type of roleplaying to our lovemaking. She mad me aware that sometimes the "third permister talk" upsets her but sometimes it excites her too, but I need to layoff a little bit. which I do, but then in heat of passion I get a little to forward with dirty talk and I start talking about her with another man while I watch or her going on a date after I dress her for the evening etc. I'm a little embarassed to mention but sincerely looking for advice or support, so I must add sometimes (not all the time) I ask her to tease me about my penis size. things like you like my small cock sexy? My lil dick feels good inside you? Fuck my little dick sexy? stuff like that.

We'll we were out to dinner other evening. Very nice restaurant having a couple takes. Talk got a little sexual as sometimes they do. Somehow we got on topic of previous husband wanting her to be with another man and it was too much for her. He would obsess over the topic and it was belittling for to hear over and over. I asked candidly what was the difference between me and him (like I said we can usually speak openly with concern because we speak out of respect and love)? Her reply was that he actually wanted her to relax with other men all the time and for me it was just a fantasy. Which I replied, I'mnot sure it could be more real then fantasy at times.
she did not like that answer and grew instantly upset. very shortly she stood up and proceeded for the door of the restaurant wanting to leave. she said she was upset with me. that all men are the same. why can't men be happy with what they have and that we always want more. why can I just not be happy with her that we have to involve another man? she then let me know women are differnt then men, that men can just have sex but woman have to have feelings to have sex. she can't believe I would be turned on by another man fucking her. it was not pretty but it later cooled down although words were tight until the next evening we we decided to sit down and talk about what happed the other nigth before.
yes a couple takes had been involved the night before when our conversation went sideways, but no one was takes. i statred the conversation by apologizing if I hurt her or had disappointed her in any way. I told her part of my fantasy was more of me being submissive to her then her actually relaxping with other men. dressing her, taking her shopping, me wanting her to go out on a date with another man more so than me being there when she was with another man. That she got the submissive part. that she also enjoys the fantasy. but not all the time. she feels that I need that fantasy in my head to even have an orgasm. I believe she is partially right, but certianly not 100% of the time. that the cuckold fantasy confuses her but thankful that i DO NOT want to see her with another woman, because that would NEVER happen. She admits she has bad memories about the same topic from her previous husband the made her upset with me. she aslo admits she understands its a strong fantasy for me and she wants to be supportive of it.
So I now understand I need to cool it on the dirty talk and roleplaying. but she is not telling me to never talk about her being with another man again either. i do not want to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable again, but I do enjoy the cuckold fantasy/reality too.

so here I am asking for advice and your thoughts on our situation past and future. should i just 100% drop the cuckold fantasy and find another fantasy we can both enjoy? does she enjoy the fantasy more than letting on and we both need to move slower? if so, how do we go abouth that? again, any advice is greatly appreciated. please only serious replys. I do appreciate you listening. thank you

Sounds like her previous husband ruined it..Just support her dont be too pushy,she maybe worried that this marriage will go the way of hjer previous..She has to want too..If it happens so be it if it doesnt be content..

Good advice Linda.

All I can say is..... it's hard to try to understand women! I don't think we ever will be 100% sure with them and their mood swings.

GOOD LUCK!
Cuck who loves a creampie.

Sounds like you should drop it.

Make her come to you with the suggestion later or let it go.

I lived the life for 5 years but have been not in the life and married for 10. It haunts me daily, it hurts me daily, I need it and not having it and a wife that finds it utterly disgusting is probably the worst situation I could be in....

But I love her deeply...and out of respect for her I keep the cuckoldplace side to wanking!

But if you have never experienced the life can you go through life not having your cuck fantasies played out?

Without having the hottest slutiest x on the planet and being hyper sexual for 5 years having every indulgence fulfilled I couldn't have let it all go.

Similar situation for me. What I found is that you have to genuinely and consistently show her that you want her and love her. It's not about your fantasy. It's about her. My wife has opened up a lot since I first told her. She watched IR porn with me for the first time a few weeks ago. The other night I ate my own creampie out of her while also fucking her with her big toy. These would have been unimaginable a couple of years ago. One nice tactic I found useful is to catch her at a time when she's in a very loving mood toward you. When she complements you for something, say something like "you love me even though I have my crazy fantasies? My wife would smile and tell me yes. It's really about timing. Don't push it when she's not in that loving playful mood. While my wife hasn't taken that big step, I've come to realize this is a long path and that I need to stay diligent. The attention I put into this really has made me a better husband too. So the number of those playful moods for her have increased as well. So, play the long game and remember its about her, not you. Best of luck.
fender

Thank you for the advice. It seems I should let the subject rest and let her bring it up if ever. I love her dearly and would never want to pressure/guilt her into something she was not comfortable with. I must admit I'm respectful but slightly confused because a few weeks back, both of us under the infulence of holy water she asked me if I would be ok with her being with another man. If I would promise not to hold it against her. That we could we be both intimate and tender together and she could also see other men and not hurt our relationship. Pretty deep conversation when takeing, but it's reality I guess. I am patient and maybe it will happen some day on her terms or maybe it won't and I'll just have to supress my fantasy and keep it to myself. She had asked me on several occasion about going to a swingers club to watch. Now I'm not sure if it was me influencing her or her secret lil thoughts? Feel a little bit in limo but know communication is to answer to everything. Seems she is sensitive to the subject for whatever reamister at moment so I will just leave the topic alone. Thank you once angain for any suggestions. advice, and support. seems like a good group of people here.

wantinghubby,
Your story sounds similar to how my marriage started out. Mentioned a fantasy or two when we first started dating and she got upset. Thinking she wasn't enough of a woman for me.
I pretty much dummied up for 20 years before bring it up again. We eventually got into Swinging and things progressed from there.
I feel for you man.

thar's what se tells me sometimes. That I want more than here. Why can't she be enough. When actually it's about her seeking and having pleasure above mine. Me being submissive to her desires is the arousing part, not so much the "act". Have told her in past during roleplaying that I don't want to be in same room when she is with another man. it's hotter for me to get her ready for her date and I wait unitl she comes home. is that messed up that I think its hotter not to be there as she lets go of her inhibitions and lets loose and be the sexual woman she really is without my being around?