Should I offer...

Hello Folks, I'm new here.

I'm looking for advice here. I have inadvertently been cucked for the last decade or so...and it's a long story, but my wife left me and met someone who got her hooked on *****, which kept her from reaching for me. I have spent the last 10 years trying to win her back and have not had sex since I was with her (which is why I say I've been inadvertently cucked; I've been saving myself for my marriage). My wife came close to returning several times, but I think whatever ***** he has her hooked on are keeping her from following through. I know she WANTS to come home but had not had the strength to do so. Before our break up, we had played around with the "hotwife" fantasies (though I didn't know that's what it was called)...all just as fun and games between us...though I kept her wondering as I've always been the dominant one. I know my wife still loves me and wants to come home, but at this point she has pretty much cut off all contact with me.

I'm wondering if I should invite her to move in with her lover and just accept what is...the fact that I've been cucked without ever really realizing it. She has kids from a previous marriage, so they would be part of the picture...but with what I know, this probably wouldn't be much of a shock to them (the kids). I just want to get my wife back...and lately I've been wondering if I should just accept what currently is the case and do my best to make a life around it? With this guy, (as I can be an intimidating factor) I would imagine this would require me having to make him feel like (make clear) he's the man of the house when he's around, and I would imagine he's going to want the marital bed. I'm trying to figure out if/how I can make this work...b/c there's not much I wouldn't do to have her back.

I don't know how all this would work out, but if I could reassure them that he's in control of my contact with her, other than her being a wife to me, I think it might give them what's needed to bring her home. The guy is smaller than I am (I'm actually pretty large) but the ***** have been a huge factor in all of this. I have a lot to offer them, and our family...so I could see them MAYBE taking advantage of such an offer. Who knows...if I can get her home and help her get off whatever ***** he has her on, maybe she'll want to kick him out and stay with me. She has made it clear that the ***** have been what's keeping her from following through on coming home.

Does anyone have any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions??? I'm an Alpha, so this is a very weird situation. I'm also very dominant, so it would require me to make some changes but I might be willing, IF it would get her home, under the same roof with me.

EDIT: I just wanted people to know this is a VERY/serious and real question from a real guy who's willing to do just about anything to bring his wife home. And, if there are any suggestions as to a better forum to post this in, please let me know. I'm willing to make some life adjustments to get my wife back in the door.

What are the ***** words? Div ide them as I did.

I think it's "dr ugs".
Peter C

Peter is correct. D r u g s I have no idea what she's on, but what we had before all this was worth fighting for...and I'm almost certain, if I can get her in the door, it won't be long before she kicks him out of it. I'm also pretty sure I could help her get off the d r u g s. It has just dawned on me that in all truthfulness, I've been cucked, so I started thinking how I might use this to to get her home. It's the truth of the situation.

I joined this sight, just to get whatever advice I might be able to get from you folks.

ConfusedOne

There are few addictions more powerful than dr*gs and sex.

I applaud you for your love and persistence to get her back.

But her need for pleasure, even after she quits the chemical addictions, is likely going to persist.

From my own experience, I don't think she will give up the need to have other men in her bed.

I'm sure you've told her you are willing to accept and support her lifestyle to get her back. And I'm sure she's seriously considering it.

You may need to go beyond wanting her back. She may need to know how far you're willing to go to accept her and her lover's demands.

Spell it out. At least for now.

YouKnowWho,

I honestly don't think this has anything to do with sex. I think it's all the **** situation and the hole she dug herself into...not wanting to confront what she must confront for reconciliation. We had a pretty wild sex life and I believe she was content on that front. That said, she hasn't been able to get off the ***** she's on...and we all know that when a woman has been in a long term sexual relationship with a guy, bonds are created...even the man's semen creates a chemical bond in her brain. Not only that but it also alters her very genetic makeup (DNA). There are 3 big obstacles here...the ***** first, what she has to face for reconciliation 2nd, and the fact that she's been with this guy for about a decade now.

At this point, I'd probably be open to just about anything. I know he's very intimidated about me, but I'd consider giving him the marital bed (if that's what they needed to get her in the door), and perhaps even chastity until he became comfortable with the situation...basically letting him be the man of house. In hindsight, I know I've already done the creampie thing with her when she was still seeing the both of us at the same time. I didn't catch it at the time, but I put 2 & 2 together after the fact. One nice thing was she was a lot tighter after being with him for a while. lol

In my mind, once she and I reconnect (we had a ONE OF A KIND bond with one another...something otherworldly, so powerful that it scared her), it won't be long before she's ready to kick this guy to the curb...and I know I can help her get off the *****. I think this MIGHT give her the security of what she currently knows, to help her take that leap. We've come close the reconciling a couple of times, but each time she has relapsed with the *****.

Like I said, I'm a Alpha...but I've had to swallow my pride to keep fighting for her for as long as I have been. I know I could go far enough to make them both comfortable (even if it entailed doing some things I didn't want to do)...and then let human nature take over from there. I doubt he'd last 6 months to a year...probably less than that, as once she and I reconnect, all bets are off. That's another reason she has kept her distance. She can't control herself around me...and has told me that she literally "can't think straight" when she's in my presence.

That said, I love and respect her wishes enough to give her what she wants...so I'd literally be taking a chance at perhaps having to build a life around this, IF things don't go the way I think they'd go. But this love doesn't quit...

Thank you for your feedback. It's a really ODD situation, but so too is love!

EDIT: I hate to play all of my cards and sell myself short...and that's my dilemma. I'd rather she leave this guy behind, but if bringing him gives her the reassurance she needs to make the leap, I am willing to make some adjustments.

I don't want to have tell her this (b/c I don't want to sell myself short of what could be), but if it came down to getting her home...