First post, need advice

Well, I'll start at the beginning. I met my now wife 7 years ago. We met while I was on business and she was sightseeing with a friend. We talked, figured out we lived 30 minutes away and arranged to meet later. On the second date, things were getting heavy and tried to get her to go all the way. She wouldn't have it, but a couple of dates later she was the aggressive one. Sex was great, life was great. Three months later, she moved in with me. She'd been in California 6 months. She said she hadn't been with anyone since she was there. I was suspicious. I read her diary (bad move i know) and found an entry on some guy she met. It was there first date. They walked along the beach and things got heavy.Afterwards they took a drive and it happened. According to her diary they were heavy kissing and caressing. Next thing she knew he knickers were off and they were having sex. It was the best sex she'd ever had. I was really angry she'd lied, but so turned on at the though of her getting some in the front seat of her car. I confronted her and we had an argument over her lying. She said they had almost had sex and she'd stopped him, that she made up the story. A few years later she admitted it. Turns out there was some black guy she met too. She said she went to his apartment and that she stopped him shortly after he penetrated her. Again I was turned on but the4 more I questioned, the more the stories changed. I didn't know what to believe anymore.
Fast forward to 2005, we've been married 1.5 years. We're trying to have kids, but things are going well. We are in fertility and the marriage is getting rocky. One night I take her out for dinner and to a comedy club. We have a good time and on the way back to the lot she starts an argument over nothing. We'd taken seperate cars so she stormed off. She called to say her friend had an argument with her boyfriend and was upset. She was going to console her and would be home soon. Time passed and passed. I called her friend who said she'd left and should be home soon. She go thome at 3:30am, we'd left the club at 10:00. She said her car had stopped working and she had sat on the side of the road. Her phone didn't work where she got stuck. She sat there and the car later started. She's not a very good liar. I accused her of fucking some other guy. She dropped her pants and told me to 'smell her. See no condom smell'. I put my fingers in her and she was really wet, more than I've ever known. I didn't smell any guy or condom but I was really suspicious. We argued and 2 days later she moved out. I found outr she was hanging out with some barman from the restaurant she'd been working at just a couple of weeks. I confronted her and she said he's just a friend and someone to talk to. He was 300lbs so I figured maybe he is. Two weeks later we started to see each other and mend our issues. We were supposed to fly to New York to meet up with her and my folks 2 weeks later. She staid in a hotel until the night before we left. During that time I was suspicious she was still seeing this guy. I went to see her at the hotel 3 nights before and while I was there, the phone rang. It was him. She said, just friends. The night before we were to leave, she came around and then 'had to leave early' as she was tired. I called a few hours later to say goodnight. She didn't answer. I drove to the hotel and she wan't there. She got back at 12PM. When i confronted her, she said she was running errands. Then she admitted she had gone to see him. I'd tried calling him that day and he'd told her he was going to call the police 'cause I'd called 12 times and he was going to make harassment charges. He insisted she go to discuss.
The night we were leaving to New York, about 10 minutes before we left, she admitted she'd had sex with him. Not that first night, but some time later before we got back together. I was angry she lied, but again it turned me on big time.
On the plane to NY, I was so horny. She was guilty so I convinced her to go with me to the lavatory. We fucked in there. It only took me a minute to come I was so horny. The next two weeks, we had the best sex ever. She let me stick all 4 fingers in her, usually she only let me do 1. I would think about her fucking him and get hard in a second. My emotions were up and down that she would do this to me. We argued, we kissed, we fucked. It was a wierd time. The day after we got back to CA, she left again. She was acting so weird. I think she had had a breakdown during this time, but i know she'd liked what she got.
We were apart 3 months. She'd filed for divorce and then wanted back. She was getting help and we eventually started dating again. I found out while we were apart that she'd been calling some other guy. She said it was her landlord. When i called him, it turned out he wasn't. She'd got angry with me because she said he was so hot. When we were dating, she admitted she had screwed him a couple of times too. I asked her if she had enjoyed it. She said she liked the attention but wasn't really in to having sex. When she was horny one night she admitted it 'wasn't bad'. I think she loved it and I'm hard now just thinking about it. Six months later we moved back in together, and now we've moved state.
We're back on the fertility treatment and sex is not near to non-existent. In the early days she'd play with toys at my request. We'd try different positions, have oral. Now it's no foreplay, missionary only, when I can get it. I think sometimes she is getting it elsewhere. It scares me to think we could go through what we did before, but also turns me on. I'd so love to watch her fuck some other guy. I know what she really needs is a big dick. I'm only 4.5in. so I don't really measure up. I think she deserves more pleasure and I want to watch her get it.
I used to ask her a lot of questions about her sex life. I told her it turned me on but she felt I was interrogating her. She didn't want to talk about those times. I've told her a few times that I'd love to watch her with some other guy. She says no way but I'm sure I see a glint in her eye. I think deep down she loves to fuck, she just doesn't want to admit it. When we're having sex, I ask her if she loves to fuck, or if she likes a big cock. She's says yes at the time but later denies it. She does come with me, sometimes 2, 3 or 4 times, but I bet a big cock would really send her over the edge.
Do you guys think she was lying to me about the night she stayed out to 3am? Do you think deep down she wants more than a 4.5in cock? How can I ever get her to admit and finally go for it? Hopefully one day I can come on here to find a guy in AZ who can make my dream come true.

I couldn't read through your whole story but I read the parts where you found out that she was lying to you and cheating on you. Therefore, my advice is to dump her immediately, no questions asked.

Then go find yourself an honest woman who respects you to cuckold you and you'll be much happier.

Remember: for the purposes of a mutual fantasy game, a cheater and cuckoldress are two different things.

Years ago, I had a cheater like your wife and found out the hard way that you can never change or trust a cheater. They never stop cheating and lying no matter what. So I eventually dumped her. Now, I have a cuckoldress who has sex with other men while I watch and I enjoy it very much. I trust her implicitly.

Two different things.

(and spare me the dictionary defintions of a cuckold, jackasses. You know damn well what I mean)

Opinion:

1) It doesn't do any good at all to call people who disagree with you "jackasses".

2) It is possible that it is unreamisterable to expect any woman to spend all of her life having had sex with only one man.

The story of a man finding out that his woman was unfaithful is a cliche'. We are always so surprised, angry, and self-righteous.

I got over my "outrage" at my girlfriend's infidelity, and we discovered that her honesty over her sexual appetites and desires is intimate and exciting for both of us. Our sex alone has been rejuvenated by the spice of cuckolding.

So far, it is working for us. We enjoy the cuckold game.

Whether the cuckold game is the solution for you or not, if you are both not happy and fulfilled now, it might be a good idea to change something.

There are many things that can go wrong with a relationship. However, I think that 'kicking her to the curb' might be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I have usually regretted 'kicking' anyone to the 'curb'. I have usually learned something, and seldom regretted exercising patience in any relationship.

Love is the answer. Just my observation based upon the information perceived.
I will make you crazy.

"Love is the answer" isn't that sweet.

If she 'loved' you, she wouldn't have cheated on you.

Let's look at the first two points in your response to me:

"""""1) It doesn't do any good at all to call people who disagree with you "jackasses"."""""""""

I did not call people who disagree with me 'jackasses'. Let's revisit what I wrote: *and spare me the dictionary defintions of a cuckold, jackasses. You know damn well what I mean*******

Obviously, the strong implication is that I am calling those who might post the dictionary definition of a cuckold jackasses.

""""""""2) It is possible that it is unreamisterable to expect any woman to spend all of her life having had sex with only one man.""""""""""

That has nothing to do with my post, his question, or anything in this discussion. I never posted that I feel that women should only have sex with one man her whole life.

That has nothing to do with cheating and lying to your spouse.

If you want to continue to be married to a woman who cheated on you, fine, it's your life. But me? I have more self-esteem, more choices, and more self-respect.

I think all the guys who defend cheating women and stick with them are just hard up and think they can't get anything better. Just my opinion. Women hardly ever stay with a man who cheats.

I'm glad I held out and dumped the ones who were cheaters, liars, or had other baggage. Now, I have a WONDERFUL and honest women of integrity that I totally trust.

We all have standards of behavior that we put up with and standards that we don't. Some guys will tolerate a fat wife, one who bitches, one who is messy, etc. etc. And like you, some guys will put up with a wife who cheated and lied so this argument could go on forever with no solution. It all depends upon your own permisteral standards.

Permisterally? I've learned that cheaters never change and it's best to quickly kick them to the curb. You'll find that this will have a positive affect on you and your self-esteem and you will attract higher-quality women.

If you find yourself forgiving and accepting that your partner has cheated on you (not cuckolded) and you don't dump them and move on (except when kids are involved), you need to seriously look at your own self-esteem and permisteral standards in life.

A woman who respects her husband, loves him, and a woman of INTEGRITY who finds that she has a high sexual appetite would talk to her husband about it and not cheat and lie to him.

(as a side note: I treat my wife with the same honesty and respect that she gives me. )

I wasnt trying to bait you. I think you are naive in your viewpoints on integrity. You miss the point about love. You sound angry and unhappy. Just my opinion.

I sholdnt have made the comment about jackass, but you kind of asked for it

I would debate you and piss us both off, but it would not serve us well.

Someday, your wife might make a mistake, as human beings do. If you are *** to understand and forgive, it might be because you don't really want to be married to her. That is when integrity comes in. Self honesty. Is your position on your wife's integrity just a way of being dishonest with both of you about your commitment 'til death do us part'?

Not being able to admit that you said 'forever', you set up an unreamisterable standard to which she cannot possibly adhere, and you get your excuse to bail on her.

Maybe its a way of getting back at the one who cheated before. I hear a lot of anger and resentment about your past relationship. Your real threesome is you, your wife, and your anger at the last one.

If there is no truth to this, it won't piss you off, and you can ignore me.

Christopher (jawbone/Jacana)
I will make you crazy.

There's no debate or flame and I'm certainly not 'unhappy' or 'angry'. Just because someone disagrees with you, doesn't make them angry or unhappy.

I'm simply saying that cheating is a behavior that is a deal-breaker for me and a lot of other people. It is something that you simply can not recover from, fix, or ever trust someone again. And having that standard does not make one unhappy or angry or that they secretly want to get out of the marriage.

As I wrote in my post. We all have standards of behavior that we allow ourselves to tolerate.

Marrying someone and expecting them to not lie and cheat on you is not an unreamisterable standard. It is the expected norm.

What we have is a simple difference of opinion. You would stay and try to work things out when you catch your wife cheating, I would leave.

We have different standards.

"""""""Someday, your wife might make a mistake, as human beings do"""""""""

A mistake is a typo, a mistake is backing into a shopping cart, a mistake is ordering the wrong part for your car. Planned cheating and continual lies to your spouse is a serious lack of integrity and character.

A spouse who cheats is someone of very low integrity and they will most likely do it again.

Listen, if your really want her to fuck someone else you better start apologizing fast and pur your heart out to her. She is probably so confused with you she is exasperated and aggravated with not only your little shrimpy penis, but yur behavior. U say u want to watch her, but all she has to go on is your past paranoid behavior. Tell her your sorry for acting like a jealous ass instead of a loving husband. Tell her u know yur penis is to small to satisfy a real feminine woman like her and that if she wants to see someone else to just do it and be honest. Promise her you will show yur appreciation by licking the cum out of her baby hole. If yur lucky, her lover will knock her up for you since yur little penis is incapable of getting deep enough to do the job. Who could blame a woman for seeking out other partners if her husband has a little 4.5 boi penis.

Oh. Now I feel bad

I cheat on my bf (we are not married -yet). I love him but the sex is not good. Sex with my bf is boring. We do the same thing, in the same order. most weeks.. He is a lights-out, missionary kind of guy. So the sex is poor but he is sweet and caring and kind guy most of the time. I dont want to spoil our daily life and both of us lose.

I know my bf would be mad if he knew I relax with other guys so I cant tell him. With other guys I find passion, adventure, less caution, more spontinatity... they basically show me lust and how passionate they are when they fuck me hard and deep and cum heavy for me.

I dont think its fair to say a spouse who cheets is very low integrity. I love my bf and I make sure I dont hurt him by acting the slut around him or doing it infront of him. I say there is integrity in that.

I hope my views are not shouted down because they may be helpful to you to understand the situation better. I hope so. Good luck.

Vicky :
Would you accept if you bf does the same thing : imagine him having sex fantasies he shares with others and he keeps hiding them. How would you accept this ? Just wondering without any a priori
etoileh2003

Itfanl :
Deep inside of you, you know that she's lying and if not.. what difference does it make after all what happened between you 2.
I think you have 2 choices, for you to stop torturing yourself the way you do :
1. Wether you dump her and try to find someone faithful and trusty
2. Live your fantasy 100% and get her to become your real "cuckoldress".
I hope you'll be doing fine. Give us feed backs.
etoileh2003

I don't think he has fantasies but Im cool if he does. He's kind and caring and thats why we stay together. I try to make him happy and introduce excitement in the bedroom. He only seems to like it one way. I dont see a role reverse happening.