Cuckold Jokes

I like to tell jokes about unfaithful wives or girlfriends without letting people know that I'm into the cuckold lifestyle. Anyone got any more?

"Going in to my girlfriend's apartment block yesterday I overheard the caretaker boasting to the postman that he'd had sex with every woman in the block bar one. When I told my girlfriend what he'd said, she replied, "I bet it's that ugly bitch at number 7."

"My girlfriend says she's enjoying the sun, sea, sand, Sangria and sex on holiday. Not the most welcome postcard I've ever received I must admit..."
Peter C

The Rodney Dangerfield Classic:

"My wife cut me down to once a week... But hey, I know some guys she's cut off completely!"
Old Enough to know better...but I don't!

1. One day a woman told her husband that she is pregnant after they had only been married for four and a half months..the husband got really mad and was about to yell at her. But she said "honey calm down I can explain" "how long have you been married to me?" Hubby said "4 and a half months" she asked "and how long have I been married to you?" Hubby says "four and a half months" so she said "ok so we put them together and we get nine months"

Hubby says "Wow you are right, and here I was about to get mad at you"

2. A wife comes clean to her football player husband about her infidelity. she says "honey I've cheated on you three times" Hubby says "what! When and with whom!?"

She says "remember when the manager would always keep you on the bench and never play you, but all of a sudden he started picking you all the time.. that was the first time"

She said "remember when none of your teammates would pass the ball to you but then they all started passing the ball to you all the time ... that was the second time"

She says "remember when the fans in the stadium started to chant your name loudly ... that was the third time "

"My wife likes to talk when she's having sex. She phoned me from a hotel the other day."
Peter C

"I think I've been watching too much porn. Yesterday I made hot dogs and spat on the sausage before I put it in the bun."
Peter C

haha those are good ones Pete lol

A guy came home from work and some guy came over and told him ..

"Dude, hurry upstairs your friend is in your bedroom with your wife!!"

So he hurried upstairs and came back down..

He says to the guy "dude stop lying! That guy is not my friend and I've never seen him before "

Paddy and Mick are working on a building site.
One morning they have a site meeting where the foreman gives a quick health and safety briefing and then he reminds all the workers "to be punctual, on time and no going home early!".

That afternoon, Paddy sneaks off home an hour early.

He gets home and through the lounge window he see's the foreman laying naked on the floor with his wife bouncing up and down on his cock.

Paddy hurries back to the building site and tells Mick.

"Thats the last time I'm sneaking off early........that damn foreman almost caught me!"

WhiteWolf