Perhaps inappropriate catharsis

OK for all the pretenders here (like me).

Do you ever wish this stuff did not turn you on? Honestly my wife would SOOO not be into this. Clearly our interest in all this stuff stems from a serious lack of self esteem. I keep committing to myself that I will stop participating in this sort of fantasy and look at this sort of content, but I keep coming back. I am concerned that this will ultimately destroy my relationship with a really good woman. Again, for those who are really just fantasizing about this, don't you ever wish you could stop?

By all accounts I have a great wife, who loves me, and is likely satisfied with me sexually. BUT my own self esteem issues drives me to this sort of fantasy. This cant be good.

I know this is probably not appropriate for this forum, and sorry if I am bringing everyone down but was reading a book on improving self esteem (nathaniel Brandens "six pillars of self esteem") and was just wondering if anyone else feels this way.

All that said, I KNOW if i delete all my porn from my harddrive with this sort of theme, I will refill it all within the month. (I have been there before)

OH well again, just a catharsis for me really but if anyone is interested, I would love your thoughts. I CAN"T be as pathetic as I feel sometimes.

WTF is with us? Will this sort of obsession ultimately affect our performance with our wives and become a self fulfilling
prophesy that none of us REALLY want?

There is nothing that says you actually have to live the lifestyle. You can have lots of fun with the fantasy. The important thing to do (as mentioned quite often in a lot of the posts) is to communicate with your spouse.

If you currently have a healthy sex life (or at least are sexually pleasing your wife) as seem to indicate from your post, you shouldn't have too much trouble talking her into some fantasy play. Play with a dildo that is bigger than you. Encourage her to call out her "lover's" name while you ram that big dildo in her. It is really exciting, for me anyhow, to hear my wife call out someone elses name when she orgasms. If this is too uncomfortable for her, at least let her know you want her to be more vocal while she plays with the dildo...have her verbalize how good that big dick feels inside her...how it stretches her and reaches depths that feel fantastic.

Just communicate with each other. You seem to be pretty sure that cuckolding would not be a lifestyle your wife would choose. This is fine, don't push her. Just approach her with this as an idea for fantasy play...to spice things up a little bit. But be careful how you put it...you don't want her thinking that you are unsatisfied with your current relationship. Don't obsess with the fantasy. Make sure that you are not wanting to have cuckold fantasy sex everytime you guys have sex. If you insist on the fantasy everytime, she will begin to think that you are unsatisfied with her on some level. Just take it slow and you may find as time progresses, she will become more relaxed/accustomed to the fantasy and willing to play/do more.

I find your comments about self-esteem interesting. My view of cuckolding has elements of both strong and weak self esteem issues. I believe that weak self esteem causes the drive for the offense of seeing your wife with another man that is better equiped to satisfy her. Acknowledging this fact by both parties can make for some great fantasy play.

Here is where I may ruffle some feathers. Now individuals with a weak self esteem can certainly go on to live out the lifestyle, but I believe that unless they resolve their self esteem issues, they are in for serious termoil. I strongly believe that you have to have a very strong/sound self esteem to successfully live the lifestyle. I feel that this strong self esteem is needed to keep jealosy, regret and resentment from destroying the relationship.

Now take all this as you see fit, it is only my opinion. And after all, I was a business major and only took one psychology class Sorry to have ramred on quite a bit, but your post struck a chord with me. Recently, my wife and I made huge strides in communicating with each other about our sexual needs and desires. We are now enjoying a new level of sexual enjoyment that is beyond anything we have had before in 15+ years of marriage.

I wish you the best of luck.
pheniousf

Serve, I've been in your shoes many times. I've deleted the cuck porn from my hard drive and foreswore it, only to fill it up again within a short time, often with even the same material.

Like you I have a wife who loves me, who I please in bed, and who probably would not be into this sort of thing.

I used to think just like you, wishing that the thoughts and desires didn't turn me on so much, that my life would have much less distraction if these fantasies didn't occur.

Like you, I thought maybe it was self-esteem issues, as during my teenage years I was pretty hard on myself, and as a result had massive jealousy issues with my girlfriends; needless to say, that destroyed a few relationships.

However, as an adult, my self-esteem issues went away, but the cuckolding fantasy didn't. Neither did my problems with jealousy.

I spent a lot of time in reflection upon this, not wanting to ruin my marriage over petty and exaggerated jealousies. I found something out about myself. My jealousy and cuckolding fantasies were intrinsically linked.

Since then I've accepted that I am, at heart (thought not in practice) a cuckold. It was a line in a movie that said it best, in my opinion: "Jealousy is the best aphrodisiac."

Since I've accepted this, I have no jealousy issues clouding my marriage. Of course, I'm not a cuckold either, but I've come to accept that the fantasies do NOT have to make you a "wimp cuckold," a lousy lover, or someone who has a low opinion of themselves.

Maybe you'll see something of yourself in this, or perhaps not -- as it's my direct experienced, your mileage may vary.

Your analysis that a lack of self-esteem drives you to this should be explored further. Your assumption that it is a bad and negative thing and makes you less of man should likewise be examined.

I AM a cuck, and we (wife and I) live the lifestyle - but I don't detect any lack of self-esteem on my part. Quite the contrary, I believe I am some kind of "special" guy that do all this and get away with it. Lately I seem to believe I can pull almost anything off. I might have a problem but its the opposite to low self esteem.

Back to you though: Rather than filling your head with negative ideas abou this fantasy and you, you should try to understand it in neutral terms that don't put you in a bad light.

By the way, I think the cuckold/swinging lifestyle is the way to go - for man and woman. I know many women would not be into it because of this or that inhibition, morality or socialization, but they can change!