Honesty/Dishonesty

Hi all,

I am struggling to come to terms with my feelings from this morning. I have for as long as I can remember wanted my girlfriend to be a complete wanton slut. I get so turned on at the thought of her fucking around and getting her pussy filled with another mans huge cock.

She has done this once for me and it got me incredibly turned on, however the rules I layed down with the fantasy were that he must be someone that she would not see again and definitely not anyone we both knew. I don't want anyone we know knowing about our sexlife, nor did I want anyone involved that might pose a serious risk to the relationship. I have been away abroad for the last week and this morning discovered that she had been in contact with her ex who she was engaged to.

I knew she was out last Friday and was unable to contact her. On Saturday she told me that she had been out for takes with a girlfriend and stayed at her place.

The problem is, whilst her phone was off that night (which it never normally is) She sent me a message before she got home the next day, so it definitely could not have run flat. I have also since seen that on the night in question, there are 3 calls to her ex at the time she would have been meeting her friend, and no calls at all to her friend.

I realise I should not have been checking her phone, but was already suspicious (which I have never been before) after not being able to contact her.

The problem of course is that it seems obvious to me that she spent the night fucking her ex which was against our rules. We are very much in love and our own sex life is fantastic. We had sex 5 times yesterday afternoon and evening after I got home, but although I love her and adore her being a slut, this I find deceitful.

I broached the subject with her this morning that I was feeling uncomfortable about Friday night but she denied everything, she does not however know that I have seen her phone. I am uncomfortable bringing this up as I shouldn't really have been checking it but now I have I am stuck with this fear that she is being dishonest.

Last time, she picked up a guy in a bar and went home with him, she got fucked all night and rang me first thing in the morning to tell me and we had fantastic sex when she got home and I loved her being a real slut.

What do other readers think?

Do you have rules with your wife/girlfriend with regards to who she has sex with?

Am I right to feel this way?

Also, how should I best approach her about this? I am thinking of bringing up that I have seen her phone. I am not sure I can just put this behind me without either her admittance or a proper explanation.

Many thanks for your thoughts.

Kinsman,

My answer will probably draw some flames and insults and warnings of illegalities but I believe in protecting one's own ass. I worked for a few years as a private investigator and in military intelligence so perhaps that taints my way of doing things. To me, deceitful people make me sick.

First, she's not a wife, just a girlfriend. So there's not much commitment. A minor point but true nonetheless.

Chances are - from what you've written and according to your own gut feeling - she is cheating but you don't know for sure. What you need to do now is keep your mouth shut about it and get proof. If you tell her what you know, she will just be more careful to not get caught in the future.

I find that there are three quick, inexpensive ways to catch cheaters that usually works. Tap the phones and use a key logger to get her email passwords.

If you have access to the computer she uses and it's a desktop or if you can get her to log onto her email account from your own desktop, a key logger will capture her passwords. I recommend getting a hardware one, not a software one. Other than physically seeing it and knowing what it is, it is undetectable.

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Tapping a land line phone is easy. You can get a simple phone tap and recorder from any source and just plug it into an extra outlet and then hide the unit under the couch or whatever. It can be detected by measuring the power drop or the frequency emmision but that's unlikely under your circumstance. These things are all over the internet or even at Radio Shack:

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If you can't do that, then you'll have to bug her cell phone. But the problem here is that the equipment to do with on a modern cell phone is expensive and sophisticated.

Other things to do is to follow her. But if you don't know what you're doing, you're likely to get caught.

Probably your best bet would be to capture her email passwords. This was possible and worked on over 80% of the cases I handled.

Once you find out for sure, you will have two choices: Dump her and move on or just continue fucking her and having fun but don't take her seriously; she's not relationship material.

And in closing, yes, we do have rules and boundries in cuckolding and swinging. Cheating and cuckolding are two different things.

There are many variations to this lifestyle, permisteral preferences and desires. Although the key to any relationship working out, regardless of variation, is Communication.

I would be concerned in hearing your story that the communication channel was not open and clear up front.

There are some that would say, you have no say in which she decides to share her favors with at her will. Yet to the other extreme some would say you should have a full choice.

What it really comes to, is what level you and your partner want, and to what level of respect, trust and love you two will share.

You cannot not communicate; your actions of keeping quiet about it are a form of communication to her.

I encourage your brother, open your heart and talk to her. if she is willing establish guidelines for the openness of your relationship, agree on them.

Communicate!!!

You should not feel guility about accessing your girlfriend's phone logs. It sounds like she keeps the phone and/or the billings, etc. out in the open where you (or anyone else for that matter) can access the information. She is the one who should feel guility; she broke the deal, not you.

My wife and I have two rules: I cannot have sex with other women and I must always be present when other guys are doing her. Both rules serve the same purpose, to prevent one of us from leaving the marriage for another permister. The latter also serves to provide protection for my wife from the psychopaths who are only interested in doing harm to her.

I agree 100% with jamesriske. If you are hurt more than being excited, dump her and do it now. However, if the excitment is more powerful than the hurt, just sit back, use her as she is using you and enjoy yourself. Either way, she is not a keeper.
A man has not lived until he watches another man fuck his wife!

That is very true. She has already shown that she has no integrity. She is a liar, cheat, and totally has no repect for him. You can't change that no matter how much 'communication' you pretend to have. She already 'comminicated' that she doesn't have any integrity. If you want to be a whimp and try to work things out or communicate more with her after she cheated on you, she will just see you as even more of a whimp than she already does.

I've learned that one of the most important things that holds people together is trust. I have a great relationship with my wife and trust her completely. I went through quite a few relationships before I wised up and set some permisteral standards for what I simply would not accept. A cheater was one of them.

Funny thing about standards, once you start living them, the people around you tend to rise to their level.