I'm 25, and I need advice.

I have been reading this website (and researching the internet) for the last week trying to gather some information on my current situation, plus I wasn�t too sure if this was the right time to post, but it has become evident that I need some advice on what I�m going through.

My girlfriend is 22 and I�m 25, we have been together for four years and we live together. She is an Indian girl about 5�5, skinny, long hair, brown eyes. I am a Spanish guy, 5�10, thin, a bit muscular. I do apologize I don�t have any pictures, my main goal for signing up to this website and posting this is to gain some advice from experienced people. Our sex life has been awful (although she will not tell you) I know it has been awful because she has never had an orgasm with me. When we started going out she told me she was a virgin, so when we eventually had sex I took her virginity and she took mine.

But here is where the problems began, this is how sex is between the two of us: I penetrate her, and I cum in about 30 seconds (my penis is about 4.5 inches). This is a problem that I�ve been trying to correct for a while now, but it hasn�t gotten any better. I even took some silly advice to �think about baseball� when I�m in her, but that ended in disaster because as I was �thinking about baseball� I lost my erection and I didn�t notice. She asked me, �Honey, are you ok?� and I said, �yeah, yeah, I�ll get it back� but she said, �no, no, its ok� and she pulled up her panties and went to her side of the bed to relax while I fumred with the condom trying to get my erection back.

So during the summer of 06� we were at the beach with a group of our friends, we came home rather late (a little buzzed) and we were watching porn and she told me it would be interesting to be with a guy who had a large penis. I quickly got the hint that my penis was small and she needed more. (I will try to condense this story because I already see its becoming quite long). She told me that she had noticed one of our good friends Troy (making his name up) at the beach had a large penis because she saw it through his swimsuit. I told her that if she was really curious she should give him a call and just be honest with him.

Two months ago she came home on a Saturday night, she had been out with a group of friends including Troy, so I noticed she sat at her computer with her legs spread wide. (Making this story shorter) She told me that she had only been out with Troy and that they had sex. Her exact quote was, �When he penetrated me he got really deep in there, and I red a little, at first it wasn�t comfy, but as we went on I got really into it. I can�t close my legs when I sit, doesn�t feel so good, so I keep them open.� About 2 weeks ago she told me she had sex with him again and that it was great, �I really got close to orgasm.� And just yesterday when I tried to make a move on her she put her hand on my chest and pushed me back a little, and I know she�s not on her period!

Basically I got the impression that this guy really got in there and took her cherry, because I remember when we first had sex I saw no red. I wasn�t mad at her because I have always had this guilt that I�ve been using her body for my own pleasure. So this is where I need advice, should I�

a) Accept this? I mean should I not even bother trying to penetrate her again, or even making a move since she pushed me away. I�ve tried to correct my poor sex performances in bed but nothing has worked. I feel guilty of just using her body for my own pleasure when she gets nothing out of it. I am not angry at her because she tells me everything and we both love each other, the only aspect of our relationship that stinks is the sex. We haven�t had sex in about two weeks and I�ve given up on trying to seduce her. She told me she want�s to be with Troy next weekend and she really wants to have an orgasm, so who am I to stop her from having pleasure?

b) Should I continue to just use her for my 30 seconds of sex every night while she gets nothing out of it? I feel very guilty. I know that eventually she will become upset at my poor sexual performance and want to leave me, but I don�t want to lose her, and if not losing her means having this guy come in about 3 times a week to get the job done I don�t mind.

I would appreciate all sorts of advice, thanks in advance. I apologize if this is the wrong place to post this.

Have you ever tried going down? That's by far the best way to get a girl to orgasm.

Yeah we've discussed that lately. Seems like its the only way I'll be able to pleasure her. I should've wrote this in my original post, but thats why I'm pondering on whether I should even bother with penetration anymore.

most women need clitoral stimulation... there are ways...

appreciate, do you have an email or msn id?

yeah i do, here is my MSN email: [email protected]

Just shoot me a message through MSN Messenger.

Appreciate advice: Check your e-mail.

I did, but I didn't reply because my name will show up and i'm a little weirded out by that, so heres my response to your email:

We have spoken about my feelings, and she knows that I want her to be happy and enjoy sex, she should'nt be limited to what I can provide her, which is little at this point. So she does know how I feel. The honest truth is Yes, I do get turned on by what she tells me when she comes home, because I know she is being satisfied. Would I want to watch them together? Yes, I feel that watching her get pleasure will make me happy, very happy.

In regards to "Troy", I talk to him all the time, he knows our situation, he knows that he is helping our relationship. He has been a good friend for a long time.

My need is: I want her to experience great sex and pleasure, she should'nt be limited to no orgasms.

Her need is: She is at a very sexual age, and she wants sex and craves it, but I can't give it to her.

Thanks for your email by the way.

We can give you all sorts of advice, but what does your wife want from you?

It appears she's getting what she wants from Troy, and I assume what she wants from her fingers and toys, but what does she want from you?

Sit down with your wife and have an honest discussion about what she wants and what you want.

If you want a better sex life with your girlfriend - where you know she is satisfied - you just have to work on your performance. This means taking the need for improvement seriously enough to read up on what you need to be doing. Even with 4.5 inches, there is no physical reamister why you should not be able to achieve orgasm by your girlfriend. Not to try is very selfish and will eventually deprive you of your sexual partner. Seems like you took a while to lose your virginity (and consequently were exclusively wanking for a lot longer than most males) so that now instead of making love you are just masturbating into a woman. You need to work on performing like a stud, not a wanker.

But...well - you may have other issues - not physical but from your mental attitude. Perhaps you don't figure you can preform properly because you don't feel you deserve to - and your g/f deserves to be enjoying a man superior to you. You need to work this out. Are you in reality more comfortable with being a boi than a man, destined to wank not fuck, clean-up afterwards rather than provide pleasure? There is no good asking your g/f what she is looking for from you if you are unsure what you want for youself. QAlthough convention would ridicule this idea, you need to beleive that it is ok to accept a role where you are more boi than man - no pressure to perform, to leave your woman gasping from multiple orgasms. You have to look past the offense, if this is what you want, and accept our place. You can se form this board that other males have done the same and more. I hope you can find a solution that is god for you - as well as for your g/f - and Troy.

Best thing to do with advice is pass it on.

ukwankerboi your response was very helpful.

I do accept that if she is with another man it does take a lot of pressure off my performance, which has actually helped me for the last 3 weeks because we haven't had sex, I am alot more relaxed than I've been in months. I spoke to her before the new year for about 3 hours on this issue, she is happy about seeing Troy, and I told her that I enjoy seeing her with a man much superior than me because it fulfills her sexual needs.

In essence, like you said, I was just masturbating into her which only I get pleasure out of. It had gotten to the point one night where she pushed her panties to the side and I asked why she wasn't taking them off, and she said, "it'll be quick" which opened my eyes you know. So seeing her and hearing about her being with another man helps the both of us fill this gap in our sex life.

I'll get back to this website, she will be seeing him again this weekend and I invited them to do it at our place.

Thanks for the replies.

dude, you keep it up and it sounds to me like she's going to be leaving you someday. either for "Troy", or someone else.

sorry dude.