Advice for Interested HW

My husband and I have been married 11 years, and we are beginning to more explore the idea of hotwifing that my husband has been fantasizing about for a long time. I just turned 30, having been married at a young age of 19. My husband is 42 and has hinted about how this lifestyle would be fun for us to try together, with proper safeguards in place. I still remember the first time he brought up this fantasy when we were in bed maybe 5 or 6 years ago and said something like, "Jen, you know that there are many men who would like to be here in bed with you right now. Do you have any idea how sexy you really are? If you ever wanted to fool around with another guy while on one of your flight attendant layovers, I wouldn't get mad because it would turn me on instead. I want you to be happy and enjoy the physical pleasures you deserve as a woman and my wife." This theme of his creating a fantasy in my mind about how it would feel to flirt with and be intimate with another hot guy was confusing at first but then seemed to come up in my mind often when I was alone on my trips, watching TV in a hotel room and knowing that my husband told me he was ok with this...but I never went through with it. But now I am wanting to really think about how other women felt after they were with another man when their husband told them it was ok.

Speaking as a former cuckolded husband, I have found that two things that wives particularly worry about are one, how can he still love me anymore if he's willing and encouraging me to have sex with other men? and two, is he merely looking for an excuse to have an affair himself?

My wife and I had been together for 12 years before this even became a fantasy of mine and there followed another 2 plus years between me first broaching the subject and her having her first extra-marital encounter. Having planted the seed in her head as to the possibility of her getting some cock elsewhere from time to time, I slowly convinced her that I really would be fine with it, that I still loved her very much and that no, I didn't want anyone else. We talked about it occasionally, usually as we made love, and the use of a dildo in bed as we role-played did much to persuade her to give it a try. Consequently, the day after her 35th birthday, my wife was out on a date with a young guy of 23 - a customer at the shop she worked in - and soon found herself in his bed later that evening being eagerly and energetically fucked 3 times!
Peter C

Thanks Peter C. My husband has been so supportive in understanding my concerns about taking what was a fantasy of his and making it a reality for both of us. He and I have read a few books (Ethical Slut and another one about the benefits of a cuckold/hotwife type of relationship. He and I have had many late night discussions over the last year or so about this topic. He has assured me that he would never let the decision of who I might choose to be with (except for a short list of men that we both agreed upon wouldn't be wise) actually hurt our marriage but obviously there are no guarantees. From when we've discovered, other couples where the wife cuckolded her husband ended up with a more adventurous relationship and excitement. I have one close female friend in this lifestyle who explained how it gave her a personal surge in feeling fulfilled, wanted by other men and built up her self confidence also. But, who knows if it's the same for everyone.

I think the other hurdles that I need to cross over are 1) reputation concerns if my parents, siblings and even some church friends found out and 2) fear of getting a STD or even getting pregnant. However, the excitement of being with another attractive, safe man who say "really wants me" is very tempting too.

I do know one thing, this idea of going through with cuckolding my husband has created in him a strong erotic energy that I had never witnessed in him before — it seems to make him happy and excited when I talk about it.

The other thing to keep in mind is that with the woman it is more likely that she will develop feelings for the bull that grow and become an issue. This is different for men, who in general, do not confuse sex with love as much, as illustrated by your husbands attitude, where he can clearly delineate between sex and love. It is very common in such relationships for the hot wife to "fall in love" with the man giving her all these orgasms and great sex. Its just the way men and women can differ in such scenarios. This then becomes an issue and the marriage breaks down.

That is not to say that this is not for you, but it does need to be well talked through together, and for you both to set and agree the limits and fail safes that you will have in place in order for it to work and for you both to get what you want from this way of life.

Just my two cents

pops

Yes, my wife and I found this too, maybe me subconsciously upping my game in light of the anticipated male competition. I did find though that you can talk and talk and talk about turning the fantasy into a reality and think you've covered all the bases and all the likely scenarios, but you fail to realise that there will be a third party's input (the other guy) you haven't even considered and this later has to be fitted in somehow, but as long as you are open with each other and communicate all the time, this shouldn't be a problem.

My wife and I agreed two ground-rules. One, that she wouldn't go with anyone I knew so i couldn't put a face to the name, and two, that she'd always use condoms. She had had a hysterectomy so pregnancy wasn't going to be a issue, but we were concerned about her catching an STI and giving it to me, but we thought telling the guy that she didn't any unplanned babies would sound better to anyone lucky enough to be fucking my wife.

Popeye1 makes a good point too, about the possibility of the woman getting feelings for her new lover. Although my wife insisted that I was the best she'd had, the biggest she'd had and that I would always be her number one, that can easily change, especially if a guy turns out to have a bigger cock and be better in bed. I'm pretty sure that's what happened in my situation, my wife falling for someone else.

Your husband also has to realise too, that once the deed has been done, there's no changing it back. Once your wife has been fucked by someone else, she can't be unfucked, so he needs to be careful what he wishes for.
Peter C

Thanks to both of you for your advice. I can see that I was envisioning all the feelings of love for certain men I'm now attracted to physically but it's a mindset that I would need to change related to only enjoying physical pleasure with them — like a "temporary love" when in bed with them, maybe also kissing them, but not like a "soulmate" love which my husband and I have. Separating love from sex is an important point because I really care for the relationship I have with my husband and don't want to ruin that.

My husband has helped calm my on-going worries about whether my physical pleasure with other men would hurt his feelings deep down; but instead he feels that seeing me enjoy the (consensual) touch of other men would enhance what he calls ,"a powerful gift of erotic love" towards me and the "sensual jealousy" that comes with it seems to turn him on. I'm still trying to understand my feelings in all of this.

Here's the thing, you can talk beforehand about separation of feelings and attempt to safeguard against developing feelings for a potential lover until you're blue in the face but the bottom line is that talking about it and doing it aren't the same things and regardless of any "deals" made ahead of time to protect your marriage, regular sex with another man could go awry. That's just a fact. I'm not discouraging you from talking about possibilities ahead of time because you should and it's important but it's not the ***** field of protection you might think it is before you get started. Once emotions start to kick in, the potential is there for the woman to forget all about everything she said and agreed to at the outset. It's playing with fire no matter what anyone says. Everyone going down this road should resign themselves to that reality ahead of time.

Thank you. In talking with a couple who has experimented in this, it was suggested to attend a swinger type of club out of town to help keep the experience more about the sexual fun without even knowing the guy's name and less about love. It's an idea since there are clubs like that.

Thank you for sharing here. Please keep us updated as thing progress, if you want to of course.

Good luck, I hope it all works out!

For this to work properly you MUST be able to separate love from sex, two very different things. Set some agreed by the pair of you, ground rules, and stick to them. Above all else, trust each other, and enjoy the ride!

Allen and Kennyboy82, thank you. The last year or so, I've been working through adjustments in my mind from being so morally conservative growing up to now learning through this exploration of the cuckold lifestyle that a woman like me can learn to enjoy consensual and ethical non monogamous sexual pleasure with other men without the fears and guilt of hurting my husband's feelings. It's been a liberating feeling when I talk to my unselfish husband about this transformation and he reassures me that he likes me pursuing this idea, although I know my parents would be very shocked to find this out!!

Geecrizz talks a lot of sense and I know from personal experience that this is all very true. My wife chose to disregard our two ground-rules quite early on when she had sex with a former work colleague of mine and let him cum inside her. Her pussy, her rules I guess and I accepted this change without question. I have also since found out that she s1ept with another guy I knew 2 months before what I had previously thought was her first extra-marital encounter with a young customer from the shop she worked in.

I think my wife had difficulty separating her feelings as mentioned and think she fell for both guys in a way neither of us intended or expected. Long story short, in our last year together my wife and I didn't have sex at all and she left me for a neighbour in 2012. We divorced 2 years later. I still miss being cuckolded now though and don't regret us doing it. It's not for the faint-hearted though!
Peter C

PeterC, I appreciate your wisdom and willingness to share this information. My husband and I have been spending some time socially with a couple we met at a dance club who started opening up their marriage some years ago and eventually it has turned more into a cuckold type of relationship. Apparently this lifestyle appeals to both of them more. She has given me advice also that it's a decision to carefully evaluate, but she also has helped me see the fun side of recreational sex she has appreciated and how my husband (Mike) is like hers in that they both are turned on with the idea of ethically and safely sharing their wife with other, let's say powerful, men.

I married young and only had one other sexual experience in college (in Florida) before dating Mike who was 11 years older. As a flight attendant (sadly waiting to back to my schedule/routes) I always had men hit on me who wanted to date me, but being married I've been loyal to my commitment to Mike. Now with his encouragement I have been exploring how life would be when I eventually cuckold Mike our first time. I must say that I've had ********* nights pondering how I would feel the morning after that first time, but my girlfriend I mentioned has assured me that although I might feel a bit nervous that the huge benefits and pleasure for both Mike and I will outweigh the fears I now have.

She has the enormous benefit of both experience and hindsight. She's been there already and can draw on her experiences, good and bad, to steer you along a right path, so listen to her.
I particularly liked your positive attitude about cucking Mike. It's not a question of 'if' you cuckold him, but rather it's 'when' you're going to take that first step to a new lifestyle. I've been active within this lifestyle for a very long time and believe me when I say it can be the most rewarding thing for any couple to submit to and to embrace. Promise me that you will write in detail all about that first time you fuck another man outside of your marriage. Do you plan to share that first moment with Mike, will he be there to witness your offering your body to your chosen stud? He should be, it's a milestone moment, never forgotten.

Its really great to see a woman getting into this, with interest in it for herself as well. Imagine after taking your first few steps into this, when things get back to "normal". Imagine you being states away, setting up your laptop, or whatever device, and streaming to your husband, you with another man. Given your type of work, you could easily make time away from your husband a fun exciting time.

However, something like that would be much further in the future. In the mean time, again, looking forward to hearing your progress.

Kennyboy: Yes, Mike and I have reached a point of understanding now where I am comfortable committing to a future date where I will finally cuckold him — and I cant explain how erotically excited he seems to be today after I told him that last night. All of the feedback from this site has also given me the confidence to take more control of this actually happening. It was a hard decision but then late last night/this morning we were talking in bed after fooling around and I whispered in his ear that I had decided to go through with it, for his fantasy but also for my personal pleasure, that I needed it. I saw his eyes light up and he literally began kissing me with a sensual energy I had not experienced since our honeymoon.

I told Mike I wanted him to be at the hotel with me the first time, so we are both planning for that. I signed up on a dating site early this morning and Mike helped me gather some of my modeling shots to post also — not any nude ones yet, but just classy ones for now. He started to realize I was serious about this commitment to fulfill our mutual needs.

Mike even text'd me today when I was on a walk that we should order some outfits for me...it looks like he is already trending to be a supportive cuckold husband already. I've been in the phone with my girlfriend who I mentioned before and she is a great advisor on how I can take the lead in assuring this first date and experience will be a powerful, safe and positive experience for Mike and me.

That is music to my ears! I do like a woman that isn't afraid of taking charge of her marriage, and calling the shots.

Good. Mike needs to understand that this is in a way a sexual Pandora's Box, once it's opened there's no closing it, just the same as you can't 'unfuck' someone. I hope Mike understands that the closer to the date where you officially become a 'Hot Wife' the more he will start to experience cuckold angst. Mentally he will be in a turmoil, afraid of the enormity of what you're jointly doing, suffering a degree of anguish, and at the same time more sexually excited that he's ever been in his life. That's par for the course, he needs to be there at least for your first time, to see with his own eyes the most exciting thing he's ever seen within your marriage.
You are very fortunate in having a good girlfriend who has experience in this life style and can recommend certain things or advise the best way to go about making this a success. Listen to her, she brings a lot to the table with her wealth of experience and advice.
Don't forget, I want to hear every detail of your 'first night' as a cuckoldress. Enjoy the ride, in every sense!

The good thing here Misterbond1990 is that you are getting advice from both angles, kennyboy82 a very experienced bull, well respected on this site, and others such as Allen and myself, with a long history of being cuckolded by our wives. I can definitely confirm that Mike will suffer that cuckold angst - been there, done that. A curious mix of jealousy, anxiety, and insecurity blended with overwhelming arousal. Unlike what Ken is suggesting though, I never ever got to watch my wife in action and maybe that's why I suffered so badly after her first time to the point that I asked her to stop. In hindsight I wish I'd held my nerve and let things take their course. It led to my wife feeling bad about what she'd done despite me re-assuring her that we'd both wanted to try it and it took us another 9 years before we were both strong enough and comfortable to get back into it, this time with more success.

That you have a friend helping you in this is helpful plus your profession will give you ample opportunities to play. As was said above, it is clearly a case of when you do it, not if, so please keep us up to date with how it goes.
Peter C

Allen: You are right that my career allows many more options for me to meet special dates and already I've been chatting online with a few that seem promising. My girlfriend even told me about an ex-college football player who she has played with and said he would be amazing to be with too. She showed me his dating profile and I had erotic thoughts already! Just an idea to consider. I am not perfect, but I have a slim, healthy, athletic body. My 5'6" height, 34 DD bra size and straight blonde hair give you some idea of my figure that I am proud and blessed to have after a lot of weight lifting and running. Executive men and sometimes pilots do ask me to go up to their hotel suite on my layovers, and it has been hard to turn them down... They are attractive, classy, fit men of great influence leading their company, and I like these qualities in a guy.

I'll be honest. Many other FA's have slept with men behind their husband's back but I never told anyone...it's sort of a quiet reality of how many people deal with their basic sexual needs when traveling a lot, away from their partner. Some of these marriages have special rules that allow such things because it is agreed upon. I have only been with one guy in college and my husband for my whole life, so I guess I have not indulged in this erotic fun like the other women have — its about time I change that!

Kennyboy: My husband is very successful as an engineer, over 11 years older than me, and he will admit that he is not as "manly" as these men on the dating sites for this type of wife sharing. I always wondered how it would feel being with a strong, muscular man in bed. So, I showed pictures of the guys on the dating site (from another area of Florida) to Mike (including some pictures tastefully showed their private parts) and told him that one of these strong men might be the one that I choose to cuckold him with for our first time; you should have seen Mike's face!! I think the reality of it all was starting to sink in his gut, and I saw Mike becoming a little nervous, and yet, he obviously was very turned on and so helpful with anything I needed.

My husband started to get real frisky with me when we went to bed last night, but I told him that I wanted to now start role playing actually being his shared "hotwife" and call him one of the guy's names who I particularly liked from the site last night as we made love. I was even whispering role play things like, "My husband is here to watch us because he likes this; but believe me I am all yours tonight!"

It was fun because I wanted to see Mike and how he reacted to this — making it closer to the real thing for him imagining me being naked and my having sex with another largely built man in a hotel bed. I never saw Mike so desiring of me last night; he must have been feeling a surge of sensual anticipation of the future night when he knew I would actually want another man to touch me, undress me and make love to me in front of him (no strings attached, of course). Even when I went off, I moaned that man's name in my husband's ear...it was fun for me. I am starting to see how much sensual influence and control I actually have over Mike...but knowing this is fulfilling both of our sexual fantasies.

I better get to bed since Mike is already asleep, but later today I am going to ask Mike to buy the condoms and the lube he wants me to use when I arrange my hotel date — letting him be a part of my preparation and gaining his further buy in.

Step by step, my girlfriend told me, I need to now lead the sexual part of my marital relationship and then only reward Mike "after" I give myself completely and provide heightened pleasure to the other man, also fulfilling my unrestrained sexual needs in front of my own husband, but now without feeling the guilt that I feared in ******** with other hot, safe men. She has been a valued "advisor" since she and her husband have enjoyed this lifestyle relationship for many years. Bye...

Jen

Hi Jen.

I'd say you, with the help of your girlfriend, are playing this exactly right. You're clearly enjoying discovering just how much influence and control you now have over your husband. I remember how surprised my wife was at how far she could push things with me. Like your Mike, I would readily admit to not being that "manly" and being older than her, Debbie expressed an interest in trying much younger men with maybe more energy and stamina in bed than me. I too was tasked with buying my wife condoms and on occasions assisted her by shaving her pussy for her ready for dates.

Just keep talking to each other. Communication is key, as is trust and honesty. You are going to enjoy this, believe me and so will Mike. You sound amazing.
Peter C

Anyone concerned that this may be a male wannabe living out his fantasy via this website and this thread? It just seems a little too, well, contrived???

pops

pops, you may be right, but until that proves to be correct I'm happy to go along with this at face value. I suppose at the end of the day we're going to need some sort of third party confirmation, a photo or two perhaps?

Popeye, I understand. In our case, with the help of my girlfriend and her husband who are experienced in this type of lifestyle, many of the ideas and steps Mike and I have discussed relate back to their advice which we have appreciated. My flight attendant co-worker, close friends have also educated me on such arrangements. After reading a lot relating to this fantasy over the years, it has helped us evaluate what others have done to make it a reality so it's been a few years being analyzed and planned for, not just these last few weeks, etc.

I'm following this thread with great interest and it's been a pleasure giving advice as a former cuckolded husband myself. It's quite refreshing to be hearing this from the woman's point of view and it's well written too. I would be interested to read Mike's take on things though.
Peter C

I hope Mike realises that cuckolding is usually an evolutionary process, inasmuch as over time, the ante is invariably upped. He'll enjoy watching or as a minimum hearing about you, Jen, being fucked by your chosen stud(s) and no doubt he'll frantically jerk off to it. The point will inevitably arrive when he's forbidden to watch, or perhaps even be told about what you've been doing Jen, he'll have to accept that. Often it moves on to the point where he is invited (read 'told') to clean you up post fuck, and probably your Bull too. He'll learn to love it and it will become an essential part of the cuckold ritual. It's possible your Bull will require him to fluff him and get him steel hard, ready to fuck you, and eventually the Bull will take his anal virginity. Maybe at some point you too, Jen, will fuck him in the ass with a strap-on, it often happens, and it's surprising how quickly the cuck develops a taste for it. Often, the whole cuckolding ritual develops into a female led marriage, you calling the shots.
Just make sure Mike is aware of what his future holds!

Thanks for the input. This weekend I will talk to Mike about providing his feelings on our decision to go forward with this big step in our relationship. I have taken time to meditate about this for some years, and even more recently since my FA job has had my hours cut..but feel that it's time to act on our fantasy once this covid situation is better resolved. I get butterflies one moment and then feel a bit nervous also...but I feel the benefits for both Mike and me seem to outweigh the unknowns.

Being an international flight attendant, I've seen and learned things about "open marriages" that I never knew before. I would never tell others about the names of who did what on our layovers but when you travel a lot there are still needs a woman has for human connection, physical touch and sexual cravings to explore. On those late nights at hotels, being around and talking with other FAs or pilots, I've seen married women FAs take advantage of their "modern marriage" arrangements which allowed them to enjoy sexual experiences with other safe men when out of town...yes, it's a reality. One of these women flies with me often, and when we get back to our base in New York (JFK), I'll see her husband pick her up at the curb and they hug, kiss and look very happy even with him knowing that his attractive young wife sometimes has intimate relations with handsome, executive men when on her layovers — it seems to work for their marriage so that is what intrigued my interest further in what Mike has wanted me to explore for years.