Homosexual ,Fetish or maschoist

Just a question for guys that are into black males using your wife. Do you feel as if it is a Fetish, or more of a gay issue? I am a success male college degree in areospace. Relations with my wife don't get me off any more. Our love life is very vanilla, or plain. I would love for her to want to be used by a black male.
As of late, I have been having fantasies of myslef having sex with large endowed black men. Not any other race.
I am early 40's ,masculine, with a decent size cock, it is 7 1/2 better than average.
I have had several flings with younger female interns over the years and still can attract them.
So I am not a wimp, or a sissy, and women do really turn me on.
Just over the last few years, I have been turned on by the thought of a masculine black male making me his bitch.
I want to suck his cock, lick his balls, tongue his ass. Have him take my virgin asshole and tell me what a little bitch I am. His white bitch and he is my big black stud. It would be even greater if my wife would watch and also desire him in the same way. Have I lost my mind? Of course I can't talk about this to anyone else.
Last year I did get my nerve up enough to meet two different black guys and I sucked thier cocks and had them shoot off on my face. So any serious input would helpful.
Gay, Machoist, or Fetish?

I think a combination of masochist and fetish

It's compensation, conditioning and habituation.

You are seeking more means to feel pleasure, as you become bored with your wife and vanila sex, you have need to experience something new... I am sure you have experienced it while jerking off... you will be imagining a scenario involving either you fucking somone or your wife fucking a black male and suddenly you begin to think more about his cock than her being fucked.. this stimulates because it is new and dangerous... you mind remembers this pleasure realise and begins to crave it. You may not be gay merely seeking that next fix of pleasure.

I am sure there are plenty like you here.

agree
you're just looking for a more extreme kick because you're bored with the rest
that you only have it with black dick is because its more exotic thus it's fits your fantasy world better

The biggest problem is that you have already sucked that cock a few times. Now, you're hooked! I have never had anal sex (other than my wife & her strap-on) but I have sucked a few cocks in my time & really enjoy it too. Fortunately, my wife has no issues with it, as long as she gets to have him too.