Free Cuckold Community at CuckoldPlace.com / Cuckolding Wives / Loosing interest in hubby

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ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 29 Nov 2008 14:58:04 Reply  I_A_S_P, I thought I'd take a moment to respond. First, aside from the somewhat inflammatory way you've phrased it, I have given a lot of thought to the basic points you raise. I'm sure every woman in a relationship with a cuckold guy goes this - it's part of the process. The way I saw it, there were three possibilities: 1. Find someone else 2. Stay, but ignore, repress or otherwise don't act on hubby's cuck thing 3. Stay and explore As you point out, a compelling case can be made for #1, and I'm sure a lot of women do exactly this, or use #3 as a path to #1. In my personal case, even though all the arguments you make are valid, it comes down to emotions and knowing what you can live with. Certainly, I had these thoughts early on after hubby started to spring his stuff on me, and I'll be completely honest by saying that I didn't know if I could continue in a relationship with a man who had these desires. But, when I actually thought about breaking the connection...picturing myself walking out the door for the last time...never seeing my hubby and best friend again...well, there was no way I could do it. Believe me, the first six months after the "cuck announcement" featured a lot of this thinking, and I think I've landed in a place I'm comfortable with. Fast forward to today, and there are probably more things I'm settled on than before, especially because my experience has grown. I know that no matter what, I want my hubby to be a part of my life...I don't see any possible "configuration" absent him that wouldn't feel like a sacrifice to me. As for your comments about "wearing the pants", frankly, I'm not sure what you even mean here. I'm not the dominant type, and it seems to work out fine with one "real" man, one "neutral" man - and me, a typically submissive woman. All it takes is a lot of loving and understanding all the way around. I might wake up when I'm 40 and say "my god, what have I done?", but from where I sit at the moment, I feel like all three of us are getting our cake and eating it too...what could be better? Anyway, thanks to mred for jumping to my defense here...I'm glad to hear there chivilry among cucks...
I_A_S_P Member 92	# Posted: 30 Nov 2008 00:01:10 · Edited by: I_A_S_P Reply  ValGal Your last paragraph describes what I mean about wearing the pants. MFM poly relationships mandate a dominating female as center of attention and ruler. She must be a real "C"-word to control two submissive males. All it takes is a lot of loving and understanding all around. All it takes to win the lottery is to pick 5 correct numbers plus the correct Power Ball. You are not a dominant person. A real man will desire you and have no need for your sissy. That's how your last relationship ended. Your hubby has an emotional hold on you. He serves as your security blanket. In January, you had a 3 year cuck relationship running smoothly. By April things were really starting to heat up and June was busting out all over between the 3 of you. July yielded a busted, all over, romance. During this time span hubby careened over the edge into deep sissydom. You had a few awkward 1st dates and now have a potential new bf. What will you do if hubby and new bf fall for each other and you are odd man out? You are too intelligent to be blindsided by youthful idealism. Seriously, where will you be in 5 years if you continue this lifestyle? You feel like all 3 of you are getting your cake and eating it too. The biggest thrill for cuckolds is eating the cream pie, yet April 8th's post says you won't allow pie for hubby. I understand and agree with your reasons for denying him pie, still, he's being refused the finest of cuckold rewards! 1) Find someone else- you reject this. 2) Stay and hide your head in the sand 3) Stay and explore. You seem to straddle the fence between #2 and #3. Please save my 3 posts. Your feelings as to their veracity over time will be greatly appreciated. Please also remember that originally you were moved to title this thread "Losing interest in hubby". Honestly, has your interest and respect for hubby increased or decreased since your first posting and it's many very good responses? Do you view hubby's changes in this time period as a positive or negative factor in your relationships with him and others? Good luck and God bless you! ..............PSEUDO PERSON
I_A_S_P Member 92	# Posted: 1 Dec 2008 23:09:27 · Edited by: I_A_S_P Reply  mred4682 I see nothing wrong with any of your thoughts, statements or advice you've shared with ValGal. You have a vested interest in cuckoldry and excellent attitude toward proper maintenance of the lifestyle. Your heart is certainly in the right place. By jumping in to defend your friend you convinced me to realize how far off the mark I was. I think you are a very cool dude. I now understand she has considered all the variables and found a place she feels comfortable in. She obviously loves her hubby and wants him to continually be a part of her life. "What God hath joined together .......". My viewpoints stem from far too many observations of cratered relationships due to mismatched characters. Seeing just one family with children ruined is "far too many". Faulty ideas and expectations coupled with lack of prudence and the ramifications thereof complete my concerns as to ValGal's success in her current adventure. I agree with you that not everyone, for whatever reason, can achieve an "ideal" (whatever that is) situation and they also are not wrong in seeking a workable alternative. ValGal loves hubby. Hubby loves her. They have no desire to separate. If I remember correctly, hubby has sought therapy which I consider an attribute to him and a desire to remain with his wife. Possible sexual inadequacy (among other reasons) has caused her to accept other lovers. This has resulted in mixed or negative outcomes so far. Considering the personalities involved, this possible POLY scenario MAY work: #1) Keep sissy hubby. #2) Keep hubby in therapy. #3) ValGal takes a FEMALE lover. You now have a MFF poly with ValGal as the center attraction. She controls the relationship and bears rule by virtue that hubby is HER property and all interactions between hubby and her female lover MUST pass through her. Her submissive nature doesn't jeopardize her authority as she has the numbers to maintain control and leadership. Fun and harmony? Yes! Just an idea where some cake can be had and eaten more peacefully. (Still no pie for hubby but c'est la vie!) ..............PSEUDO PERSON
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 31 Jan 2009 13:27:43 Reply  Haven't been in here in a long time, so I thought I'd post an update... Things are going well with my current bf. He understands I want a poly lifestyle, and seems comfortable with this idea. He moved in with us just before the holidays, and after some adjustment time, the three of us are making things work. I generally sleep with him exclusively, and we've settled into that happy place where we're both in sync and getting all that we want out of our relationship. Hubby is part of the family too, just not so much in a sexual way. He knows I love him, and in an odd way, I am at peace knowing this is how he wants it to be, too. Hubby is still indulging his feminine side, and I suppose in some ways our relationship is more like that between two close sisters rather than a man and a woman. Even where my bf is involved, it's sort of changed...used to be that I saw hubby as a somewhat perverse guy wanting to know about my sexual exploits. Now, it feels very much like talking things over with a close girlfriend. I see that this suits him and seems to please him, so I am happy for him. At first, the setup was a little tense...I guess I was compartmentalizing, trying to somehow keep my two relationships apart from each other. Now that some time has passed, things are much more out in the open and "integrated", if that makes sense. This is what has me hoping things can last - it feels very comfortable to me, and I think to both my men also. Our day to day has changed too, becoming much more "routine" in lots of ways. We've made some new friendships where other couples know the three of us as a family, and honestly, it is feeling pretty "normal" to me lately. Anyway, that's the update...hope all my friends in here are getting (or not getting?) whatever it is they want.
timidcuck_ut Member 66	# Posted: 31 Jan 2009 16:35:05 Reply  Welcome back ValGal. It is great to hear the update and that things are working in your relationships. I am one of those that wishes I had a wife like you. Don't get me wrong...she is amazing and we play some very fun games...but she doesn't have the desire to jump into the lifestyle like you did. Wish you the best of luck. Let me introduce you to my wife.
timidcuck_ut Member 66	# Posted: 31 Jan 2009 16:37:25 Reply  Welcome back ValGal. It is great to hear the update and that things are working in your relationships. I am one of those that wishes I had a wife like you. Don't get me wrong...she is amazing and we play some very fun games...but she doesn't have the desire to jump into the lifestyle like you did. Wish you the best of luck. Let me introduce you to my wife.
imasub2000 Member 34	# Posted: 31 Jan 2009 16:41:51 Reply  Its great to hear from you again! Im so glad to hear things are really working out for the three of you. It does sound that this is something that will last. Again, its good to hear from you! Have a great weekend
jimlondon Member 6	# Posted: 2 Feb 2009 16:05:52 Reply  I'm late into this thread and I dont know if I can contribute but I'll do my best. My wife was very much like ValGal, I had the orignial idea of meeting other guys but the first one, a Nigerian student, she fell for and he moved in with us. I stopped having sex with her then. Life was very difficult for me but my wife and I still loved each other but in a different way - her boy friend was very very important to her. Her left suddendly after three years when his studies ended and broke her heart. This is when we became so so close its difficult to find the words. I tried everything to cheer her up - even encouraging her out on dates with other guys but nothing worked. We cuddled and had long discussions and really became more like sisters, no sex just lots of love. She became interested in me "connecting with my fem side" and I went along with it and enjoyed the make up and clothes but it was'nt really for me. We even tried going to TV clubs but although it was great fun it wasn't the answe. I was happy with my role as her loving best friend. She is seeing another guy at the moment, another West African student, but I dont think it will last - he doesn't stay over or anything. We have settled into a loving relationship which is as good as our orignial. Hope this hepls jim
dblue1 Member 209	# Posted: 3 Feb 2009 12:18:57 Reply  Val_Gal, it sounds like things are going very very well. In many ways your relationship is the type I fantasize about. How feminine is hubby now? Does he dress all the time at home. Do you talk about cute guys with him?
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 5 Feb 2009 03:20:07 Reply  Jimlondon, I wanted to thank you for the sincere and heartfelt comments. What you describe is very similar to the relationship hubby and I have, except perhaps that he is more interested in pursuing his fem side. It's nice to know there are a few others out there, and I appreciate your comments more than you can know...
rdvrk Member 106	# Posted: 14 Feb 2009 02:04:20 Reply  In response to MrEd: I can't speak for JimLondon, but my own marriage no longer includes sex with my wife. For me, I am still very interested in sex, and have a healthy libido. I am also still very attracted to and sexually aroused by my wife. So, it's not that I've lost interest in sex. Even when we used to have sex together, I always fantasized about her having sex with other people. In fact, looking back, I don't think I've ever fantasized about *me* having sex with her. I've never been interested in having sex with men or being feminine or anything, so I guess I'm maybe not so much like some of the other guys on this thread. So, now my sex life is entirely vicarious: I'm still turned on by her, and I still fantasize about her when I get off. Hope that's not too off-topic. I'm curious about Jim's answer, too.
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 14 Feb 2009 13:49:05 Reply  Funny, this is really the core topic that got me to start this thread in the first place. I've since had lots of time to think about it, and here are some of my current observations on the matter. Rdvrk, from the woman's point of view, sex sort of goes with the mental image you form of someone. In my case, although I love my hubby deeply, sex just isn't part of the mental image anymore. It's just not a role I associate with him, much like a guy who might be a lawyer would seem totally out of place on a construction site. Getting to this point, admitting it to myself - and then realizing that this didn't mean we couldn't still have a marriage - has taken a lot of growth on my part. From his side, I'm sure I can't imagine how it feels. Yes, I think he finds the denial and subsequent feelings of humiliation arousing in their own right, otherwise he wouldn't be a cuck. And I think as he accepts his role, it lets him explore other, more hidden parts of himself, such as letting his fem side out. So I like to believe that it's been a net-positive for him overall. But again, I'm not him, so I guess I really can't know for sure.
jimlondon Member 6	# Posted: 14 Feb 2009 17:54:34 Reply  This is a really interesting thread and I'll try to shead some light on my situation: Yes, I would love to have sex with my wife, but I know that I could never satisfy her - I really do know that having seen her being satisfied by her boyfriends. We have developed a true and deep love that goes beyond sex and we are very happy - it would be a shame to spoil that relationship with my clumsey attempt to have sex with her again. I am a very good friend, soul mate and husband just not a good lover and she does have her needs. Yes it tortures me when she is having sex with a boyfriend I hate it and love it at the same time, everything else in our relationsip I love. I am very interested in sex but have no interest in other women. I have become more like her best friend than a conventional husband. The fem thing, I suppose did have an affect, I lost a lot of weight in the past two years so we can share the same jeans, I feel I do see things more from a womans point of view and I certainly take a greater interest in her cothes, make up etc. but sex with another man is unthinkable for me. Val Gal I hope it works out for you and your husband, having a loving relationship with him while you have sex outside is possible - it can be tough but it can also be great fun and a bonding experience between you. jim
rdvrk Member 106	# Posted: 14 Feb 2009 22:14:41 Reply  Quoting: mred4682 rdvrk, So does that mean you are perfectly fine not having actual intercourse for the rest of your life? I guess that's the fate of a lot of cuckold relationships. I'm not sure if "perfectly fine" quite describes it, but, yes, I'm not expecting to have intercourse again, and it seems like a decent trade-off. I couldn't tolerate being married to someone monogamous, so I'd definitely prefer my life to that life.
rdvrk Member 106	# Posted: 14 Feb 2009 22:18:04 Reply  Quoting: ValGal Rdvrk, from the woman's point of view, sex sort of goes with the mental image you form of someone. In my case, although I love my hubby deeply, sex just isn't part of the mental image anymore. It's just not a role I associate with him, much like a guy who might be a lawyer would seem totally out of place on a construction site. Getting to this point, admitting it to myself - and then realizing that this didn't mean we couldn't still have a marriage - has taken a lot of growth on my part. Yep, that's us. The evolution of our experience was: started with me watching, went to her having casual sex on her own, got to her having long-term relationships with other guys. By the time we got to there, sex with me just didn't seem to make sense to her. So, yeah, her concept of me just isn't sexual any more.
thebitbucket Member 7	# Posted: 16 Feb 2009 07:18:31 Reply  lots of folks criticize cucks by saying they are really latently homosexual and cant come to grips with it. That may have even come up somewhere on this thread. there is almost always a strong defense where proclamations are made that being a "cuck" is NOTHING about being gay. yet in a positive context (the very open discussion here), look at all of the wonderful honesty and support around this situation which is CLEARLY about someone who is gay, tragically never accepted it, and ended up someplace that they really shouldnt have and is now attempting to "repair" it as best they can. hubby may be wonderful, great, fantastic, etc etc. But Im not sure I understand why it isnt clear that he should be a single, transexual or transgender individual, with a deep and loving relationship with his best friend (ex-wife). It seems that in a LOT Of these cases, the institution of marriage itself is holding some incomprehensible power. That, and the last lingering vestiges of denial. Is our society so horrifically homophobic that, for many, THIS type of relationship is STILL better than just being OUT? I suspect it must be which is really horribly sad. I have to say that none of it seems healthy. What would have seemed MUCH healthier would have been Val ending up with the boyfriend and the husband single, fully gay, and possibly on the road to a sex change all with the blessing, approval and support of his dear friends (ex wife and new husband) Could some new splinter form of polyamorous relationship work? Er... maybe. I guess some form of polyamory works for some tiny portion of the population. But why are you thinking thats you?! Before this bizarre situation and all of the self examination it sort of forced on you, did you really imagine that that was a path you'd walk? Imagine if it had NEVER gone this way and, instead, your husband had had an epiphamy, woken up one day and said "Im sorry... but I realize Im living a lie. Im gay and we need to divorce" Dont you think you probably would have settled down with the boyfriend, probably had a great life, and wished your ex all the best in HIS new life? Just think about that a bit before traveling even further down increasingly alternative and complex paths (like living in a love commune with boyfriends, a transgender platonic husband, and you) You mentioned wanting to have a family. Why not just help your husband do what he clearly NEEDS to do which is NOT experiment with more and more alternative and masochistic scenarios, but rather finally accept who he REALLY is and live the life he SHOULD be living? I think you would both end up happier and emotionally healthier if this short term pain were faced head on now.
mishdabutz Member 3	# Posted: 16 Feb 2009 14:08:23 Reply  Losing
txperv Member 41	# Posted: 24 Feb 2009 22:38:42 Reply  Hi ValGal, Whenever someone uses the term "denial," to me it implies that the husband would like to have sex with his wife, but his wife is refusing sexual access. If the husband has no interest in having sex with his wife, and his wife goes along and/or has a boyfriend to fulfill this role, then there is no real "denial," it is merely an agreement that the marital sexual relationship is ceased or suspended. In your case, since you use the term "denial," do you think your husband would like to have a sexual relationship with you? That is, if hypothetically you approached your husband for sex, would this please him and would he want to resume the sexual relationship. Along those lines, are there any times when your husband expresses a desire to have sex with you? In other words, do you truly "deny" your husband, or is it both of you who are no longer interested in sex with each other? In my case, my wife has "affairs" with boyfriends usually lasting 4-5 months or so. Whenever she is having an affair, she feels uncomfortable or confused maintaining a sexual relationship with more that one man at a time, so she prefers that our sexual relationship be put on "hold" while she is involved with the boyfriend. When the affair fizzles out, as it invariably does, our marital sexual relationship resumes with a renewed sense of newness and passion until she meets someone new. I don't think of this as being "denied" (though it can be difficult at times), as she has made it clear that our marriage comes first and she will end any affair if I ever ask her. I have never made this request, however, as I think of this as a "gift" I give my wife. I wrote a detailed account of our situation in the following thread: http://www.cuckoldplace.com/1_49279_0.html Anyway, I was just curious how your husband feels about having no sexual relationship with you. Rick
2A5g4sx3 Member 15	# Posted: 26 Feb 2009 19:18:08 Reply  1 will tell you what could have happened if my husband had not come in the back door which i had made sure it was locked. the guy had already shown me his cock when i mentioned it when we were dancing. we went home and he had to go to ---as he was a teacher. the guy came in the next night after i had turned out the lights, he showed me a box of rubbers and a tube of ky. he wanted to do it doggie i said ok. he smeared ky all over my twat and ass hole. he stuck a finger in my ass and i told him it was the wrong hole. he said i know that but i want to get it in there. he sure did
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 2 Mar 2009 01:10:46 Reply  Thought I'd check in... Things continue pretty much the same as the three of us try to settle into a somewhat normal family life. My bf seems to have adjusted pretty well...he's living full-time with us now, and if it weren't such a horrible real-estate market, I think he would have sold his place and made a longer term commitment with us. Hubby also continues in much the same place. I saw bitbucket's reply several days ago, and it certainly is something I've wondered about over the months...perhaps hubby would be happier living an "out" transgendered or some other lifestyle, and perhaps I'm holding him back. Still, there's something deeper between us than "good and loving friends". Ours may be non-traditional, but it is a wonderful, love-filled connection nonetheless, and I'd feel like a part of me was lost if I couldn't think of him as being in my life forever. In a strange way, I've been thinking a lot about what exactly it is that I get from our relationship. Sometimes, I think maybe I have a very mild "bi" side that he brings out, and the feminine part of him fills that need in me. Sometimes, I think it's just the history we share that goes back to kindergarten with us. We've been there for each other our whole lives, and just because we're not having sex doesn't mean that we're not soul-mates. Anyway, I don't know that I'm offering an adequate explanation for some of you. If a friend of mine explained that she could be enjoying daily orgasmic bliss with a man not her husband, up to inviting him to live in their home...well, I'd suggest my friend was a little crazy. But in my own way, I honestly never for a moment considered divorcing hubby - nor would I. Maybe at some point in the future, I'll have greater clarity and will be able to explain it better, but till then, I hope all of you can perhaps respect the kind of relationship we've setup.
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 24 Mar 2009 11:30:42 Reply  mred, glad to offer an update... Things are a bit up in the air at the moment...we had a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago, and it upset my bf. I'm on the pill, but I missed a few accidentally last month, and then I was about a week late getting my period. I didn't "feel" pregnant (not that I know what that feels like!), but my bf got all freaked out by the thought and it led to some interesting heated discussions. Funny thing is how I felt afterwards...he left me feeling sort of like I'm okay to live with, to have sex with whenever he likes - but somehow I'm not worthy of having his baby. I'm sure it's just me being hormonal, but lately I've been feeling like something was shattered between us. I guess even women living a sordid life like me want to believe our guys think the world of us, and now that feeling is a little tainted for me. I'm sure another discussion is in our future... As for hubby, no major changes there. He's been in therapy for a while - keep expecting him to wake up and go "what am I doing?", but so far, it just seems more about him feeling more comfortable with his fem side. He's been in that mode for a long while now, so I don't really give it a second thought anymore...but I'm sure it's a struggle for him. One of the things I find odd about hubby is how he just doesn't seem to know what he wants to be and how far he wants to take it. I guess I could see guys wanting to maybe try on some sexy lingerie or see what it feels like to wear makeup. But it's like he has to go further inch by inch, rather than just admitting what he wants and heading there. I'm not the judgemental type, but it always seemed like he was torturing himself this way. I hope he gets to the point where he can say, "I want to be X" and just do it. Anyway, that's it for the Val update...thanks to all who continue to read.
discreet7 Member 103	# Posted: 24 Mar 2009 15:45:10 Reply  Thank you for the Val updates. This ios one of the threads that I continue to monitor because I really do enjoy reading everything that you have to say. I am glad that things are working out ok for you (even with the 'scare'). I hope that it does continue to go well and for the record, I respect the relationship you have. Honestly, im sure there are many of us that are jealous of this kind of relationship and wish we were in the same kind. Anyways, thanks again for sharing your life with us.
pirateinthemountains Member 68	# Posted: 24 Mar 2009 18:07:05 Reply  My wife & I have been in a cuckold relationship for a few years now. Ours differ from yours in that we still have sex on occasions. Recently, however, she has been wanting me less and less. In fact, prior to this week it had been six months since I had been with her in any way other than performing orally on her. She loves it when I lick her lover's cum out of her. However, a few days ago, she allowed me to make love to her again, but only after she had spent the night with her lover. I didn't mind that it was "sloppy seconds" adn was just happy that she is happy & I am still a part of her life.
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 28 Mar 2009 04:05:03 Reply  pirateinthemountains, I suppose there are other ways to feel part of her life that don't involve sex. I think men confuse intimacy with sex too much, and while they are often linked, there are plenty of ways to feel intimately bonded to someone, even if you're not having sex with him. This pretty well sums up my feelings for my own hubby, and perhaps your wife feels the same way. I will add that there's something about the cuck relationship that can't help but impact the way any woman would feel about her hubby. I don't mean it in the humiliating way many on here would take it...it's more subtle than that. You start looking at him differently, you feel all sorts of conflict as you realize your body wants to respond to another man instead of him - and so on and so on. After a while, your head just sort of overloads - and I think the best outcome might just be having more of an asexual marriage so you don't have to sort through all this conflict every day. At the same time, it doesn't mean you don't love your spouse...on the contrary, at least in my case, these kinds of thoughts make me think long and hard about who he is and what the nature of our commitment to each other might be. And we stayed together, and in some ways, strengthened our bonds. Just my two-cents worth...
asehpe Member 161	# Posted: 30 Mar 2009 00:58:27 Reply  Hi ValGal -- long time no see! Your posts are very insightful and deep--I am really happy that you seem to have found another balanced situation. The discussion with your bf may be a little bit worrisome... but depending on what he actually said, it might also not be. Some men are simply afraid of being fathers (I know I was before my daughter was born), period. Maybe he sees fatherhood as a danger and/or threat, and this makes him look at its source, and at your non-traditional situation, with more anguish than he really feels. But then again, I don't know him. Maybe I'm just wrong. You have said some very interesting things about your relationship with hubby. I can understand your attachment to him, the feeling of having a soul-mate in him, and yet not wanting sex with him. The two things are indeed very different--I remember having had 'female soulmates' with whom I never slept, and having slept with women who actually were not soulmates. Intimacy is feeling a bond. It's feeling, "it's him!" or "it's her!" and letting this knowledge affect you in a positive way when you meet him/her. It's like being able to feel an essence as an odor, and liking what one feels. It's like being refreshed by something. It's the feeling that "there is no danger, it's him/her!". Something known, something trusted. Yes, trust. And when love is in it, then you really have a haven where you can rest before having to face the outside world again. It doesn't follow of course that you completely understand or accept everything in the person you feel intimate with (where is there a human being who really fully understands and accepts another? maybe Jesus was like that, if you believe his biography). From some of your posts, I get the impression your husband's cuck side is something that doesn't make all that much sense to you even now that you accept it. In fact, it is not clear -- at least to me -- if his cuck and fem sides are even related at all. They could be, and some other posters speculated about that; as in, he's gay but he doesn't fully accept it yet, which is why he no longer desires ValGal, etc. But I don't know that this is the case; if all he wanted was becoming a woman, why would he derive pleasure from your affairs? Simply because this would decrease his guilt at not being able to please you? That would be a relief, but I don't see this as necessarily sexual -- I remember feeling happy when my sister finally lost her virginity, but I didn't derive any sexual pleasure from that, I was just relieved that she had finally gotten over her problems with sexual intimacy (she was quite afraid of it). But if your hubby has cuck fantasies, this relief can't be what he feels; at least not all he feels. There should be a thrill for him from the very existence of your bf. Or is this not the case? Do you feel that you don't understand how his head works--even after the many talks I'm sure the two of you have had about it? Finally, I'd just say that your comment on how a cuck relationship affects the way the woman feels about her husband... I think what you said right for vanilla women (which is my wife's case). But if what I read on other threads here is true, then there are also non-vanilla women who take more sexual interest in the cuckold situation from the unfaithful wife's perspective-- not simply as a way to grow beyond mere monogamy, but as a true expression of their sexual selves. They desire to see their husbands in their cuck situation, and fully enjoy putting them there. At least so it seems, if they're being sincere. If this is so, I wonder how the feeling of intimacy that you talk about evolves in their relationships. Probably along a different path. Let me again wish you and hubby all the happiness that thoughtful, sincere, and compassionate people like you deserve.
cuckjay Member 101	# Posted: 1 Apr 2009 21:51:08 Reply  I learned so much from this thread. Thank you Val Gal. I think I finally understand what women feel in situations like this. It definitely makes it easier for me to understand her side of things. This is something I have been grappling with.
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 4 Apr 2009 13:24:35 Reply  Asehpe, good to hear from you, and thanks for the sincere comments. I agree with your thoughts on intimacy. The way I think of it is that we're all pretty much maintaining various barriers between ourselves and the world as we float through life. There are a very few we let get past these barriers, and my hubby is probably the one who has gotten the closest to the real me, to the point where on certain matters, our thoughts can be completely intertwined. It's just that "conventional" sex isn't one of the areas where this happens. You're right that I don't completely understand the cuck idea. I mean, I get it intellectually...it's just not something that I can relate to at a deeper, more emotional level. I'm generally a possessive person, and for me, love, faithfulness and exclusivity go hand in hand. But as you say, because of the other connections we have, I accept that it's what he wants and I don't question the whole relationship, merely because my hubby has one peculiar need. As for my other guy, I am indeed a little worried, not just because of what he said, but now how I'm feeling about it afterwards. I guess I convinced myself he was interested in more than just all the sex he could handle, and now the bubble has burst a bit. I'm very sensitive to this...if I start feeling like little more than a human sperm recepticle, things will not survive. Hopefully it passes, but there's starting to be some distance between us that's making us both feel uncomfortable. Now that some time has passed, we need to communicate and get to the bottom of things. cuckjay, thanks also for the compliments. I discovered this site at a time when I was pretty confused about why my hubby wanted this sort of lifestyle - one I had no idea even existed. Seeing others in here was sort of reassuring, and over time, I felt like maybe other people might get some benefit from hearing our story.
asehpe Member 161	# Posted: 8 Apr 2009 17:15:23 Reply  ValGal, my pleasure. Indeed, yours is the adventure of a vanilla woman who is in love with a man cursed/blessed with the cuckold fetish, and as far as I can see you've done admirably well at steering through the difficult waters of such a relationship. You are just like my wife (all we've done, and apparently all we'll ever do in this direction, is fantasize--she can go that far, but no further, because to her, as to you, love goes hand in hand with exclusivity and faithfulness). Some women apparently do 'get it' in the sense that playing the cuckoldress role is also sexually arousing to them--at least, if we trust some of the other letter threads here. Theirs is a different situation, and their marriages have a different developmental dynamics. But in your case, I honestly don't see how you could do much better than you're doing now. I had at first feared you would eventually leave your hubby ('losing interest in hubby' sounded ominous), but your love for him is by now so obvious I don't think this is really a big danger. Maybe your other guy is indeed a bit superficial; I hope you can have a few good talks to find out if this is true or not. All in all, it's a very vanilla situation, isn't it? Does he like me, or does he just want to have sex with me? Nothing necessarily wrong with the latter, but if that's not what you want, then it's not going to work in the long run either. Good luck, ValGal! I'll be here every now and then to see how you're doing in your quest for happiness!
melbhusb Member 84	# Posted: 20 Apr 2009 11:19:47 Reply  ValGal, thanks for sharing your story with all of us, it is very inspiring for me. Your husband are boyfriend are certainly very lucky to be involved with you, you are a very special lady.
Ladynsniffer Member 13 Pictures: 9	# Posted: 5 Jun 2009 13:32:24 Reply  ValGal, Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am in a similar relationship with my wife. What has happened in your marriage (and others who have added to this thread) makes me feel as if I am (we are) not alone. This is very comforting. My marriage is a bit different from yours in that we began as a cuckold couple. But, interestingly it has evolved in a direction that is much more extreme than I could have imagined. This is truly a "be careful what you wish for" situation! When we met she admitted that she was both a "size queen" and a cheater. I was looking for a cuckold relationship. We both thought this just might work out for us. As we dated, we certainly felt a lot of attraction and chemistry with each other. Sex, however, was far different from normal. She made it clear from day one she did not feel any sexual attraction towards me as her preference was for very well endowed men. I am very submissive towards women in general and found myself lusting for her greatly. She really enjoyed my submissive nature and rewarded me by allowing me to orally pleasure her and especially to let me indulge my desire to worship her ass. We tried a couple of times very early on to do a "mercy" fuck but it was miserable for both of us because I could see she was genuinely not interested. However, she has had many lovers over the years and if he is well endowed I have observed my wife get very sexually aroused and has the most intense orgasms. We've had a few rough spots because I was so lusty for her that I thought I would get a mercy fuck or even a mercy hand job every now and then. But, as the years rolled by she never initiated that kind of sex with me and if I asked I was told no. However, she never denies me worshipping her ass. She does ask me to orally pleasure her in between lovers. How does this work? We love each other, that's for sure. We genuninely enjoy each others' company. As our cuckold marriage unfolded, she has admitted she has viewed me as less and less of a man. She said she simply does not view me in a sexual sense at all. My submissive side revels in the humiliation of her sexual rejection (weird, I know). I often think that a "real" man would simply move on to a different woman. But, I have a history of sexual rejection by women. I ended up living alone a lot jerking off by myself. We have separate bedrooms. Sometimes I am around when her lovers are over and sometimes not. When I see her with one of her lovers and hear her compliments towards him and screams of pleasure I am reminded that sexual attraction just happens. And I am reminded of my inadequacy in her eyes as a lover. My submissive side has adapted by thinking of myself as a eunuch and she is my queen. She feels the same way towards me. The difference is that I am so lusty for her but accept my role in our relationship. There is a lot of value for both of us in our relationship that far outweighs the negatives. We know we will be together forever. Sex is for her and her lovers. I am the faithful cuckold who adores her at all times. My desperation for sex with her only serves to turn her on more with her lovers. I crawl off to my own room to sniff her panties and come to terms with the fact that her sexual rejection has once again aroused me greatly. Thanks again for sharing your life with us. marcus

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