Free Cuckold Community at CuckoldPlace.com / Cuckolding Wives / Loosing interest in hubby

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Topic's Quality Rating: 5/5, 21 voting(s).

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ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 17 Jun 2008 03:25:46 Reply  draclif69, thanks for the kind words...glad to hear you find our simple story interesting. I usually stay away from the sexual details I see in most of the other stories in here...sometimes I feel like I'm probably pretty boring to a good many of the folks interested in that sort of thing. It's good to know somebody finds the more day-to-day stuff I write about to be interesting. Anyway, as for your question about my gf's, I've had a few varied reactions from my girlfriends. I try not to make a big deal out of it, but once or twice people have seen me and my bf out in public in an obviously romantic setting, and I figured I needed to head it off. And of course, once one person knows, eventually others are going to find out. My best friend in the world is very understanding...she's married and she's cheated on her hubby a few times (without him knowing) - she's amazed that I've found a way to "have my cake and eat it too". She's the one I share most of the details with, and she's probably the only one who I've let know my bf in a personal way (as in having her visit with my bf and I socially). I have another friend that found out through the grapevine, and she was pretty hard on me. She went into the righteous, religious place - which I never expected from her - and the friendship is more of less gone now. That makes me sad, but in a way, I'm glad I found out how closed-minded she was. Others have been sort of in between...one of my friends told me she didn't believe me...I had my hubby explain it to her - she was pretty shocked, but she's okay with it. Another friend sort of got her head around it, but now it's somehow off-limits...we both know it's going on, but it's not talked about. I got all sorts of advice, too...everything from "maybe you should see a shrink", to "you know, it's okay to get divorced if you really want something else" to more or less complete acceptance. One even told me my life is something she's fantasized about, but she doesn't think her hubby would go for it. Anyway, thanks for reading through all these posts, and if there's anything you want me to write about, let me know and I'll see what I can do.
blazingsun Member 16	# Posted: 17 Jun 2008 04:18:35 Reply  Hi ValGal, I know how some close people can turn out to be. Well but again you get to find the real ones where even if they think you are doing something wrong they stick by you. And were there are always those few, they accept seeing you guys happy and be happy for you guys. I am happy things are working out for you and am sure sooner or later your remaining friends would not only be accepting but happy for you. As for the people around you, I guess you should not worry as long as you 3 of you always stick up for each other. I mention this as relatives are sometimes more harsher. Wish you the best.
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 19 Jun 2008 12:28:49 Reply  blazingsun, yes, I agree. Turns out I've never been one to get to close to most of my friends...I guess I'm shy at heart, and I've always been pretty much of a loner in a lot of ways. So it's not all that big a deal to me that some of my friends might abandon me. As you say, the true ones are the ones that accept what you are in an unconditional way. Anyway, the three of us are off for a long weekend together...this is a first, and I'm hoping we'll manage to relax and have some fun.
melbhusb Member 84	# Posted: 19 Jun 2008 16:07:45 Reply  ValGal, love reading your story, I wish my wife was like you!!! MH
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 23 Jun 2008 20:29:15 Reply  Melbhusb, thanks for the words of encouragement... We just got home from our little vacation together, just the three of us. Parts were sort of weird, especially some of the looks we were getting from people who seemed unsure who was who. I guess it caused me to give it all some extra thought, and I admit I had a few moments of guilt and that sense of "what the hell am I doing?" I get sometimes. We were in a place where hubby and I stayed together a long time ago...I'm sure that triggered some things. Partly, I guess I was hoping he'd somehow "snap out of it" and try to reclaim me - but then I guess that's just not who he is. Of course, when I have those thoughts about hubby, I also start to feel guilty about my bf. I guess I have other ways to make it up to him, but it's a weird dichotomy - no matter what thoughts I have, I'm always cheating on someone. Anyway, I don't mean to sound dark about it - it was a nice weekend all the way around, and in a lot of ways, I think it did us good. Still, in the end I felt very lucky indeed to have two wonderful men in love with me.
jbrown	# Posted: 23 Jun 2008 21:40:09 Reply  wow very very insightful post i'm going to go with palmcoast we seem to have the same ideals and lifestlyes.for me i'm come first to my wife and always will the second that changes the other guy would be gone never to be seen again ever...the extra guys is purely fun the cross over valgal has taken is would have way overstepped the line and would have been the breaking point for me.my wife and i talk alot her current b/f she likes and that is it but for her the sex she can remember the actions the passion but she never remembers his face in it we are all good freinds and she made me promise to never tell him.as for this i fine with fucking. true love would kill me
draclif69 Member 2048 Pictures: 29	# Posted: 23 Jun 2008 22:50:12 Reply  Who is the "us" you mean Val?
jbrown	# Posted: 25 Jun 2008 02:28:45 Reply  hey val i read your post have you given up on your husband but still feel guilt for "leaving him"it seems your far more into the b/f.but my question if things went diferent your husband fought tooth and nail to keep you would things have taken a different course.we're still quite new to this and i never want to go down this path.i could never let my wife go i love her far far to much.any insight on this would be greatly apprecaited.good luck on which ever way your world goes
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 25 Jun 2008 02:49:08 Reply  draclif69, I suppose my definition of "us" is sort of fluid these days...as I think about it, I guess I'm trying to define an "us" that includes three people. jbrown, I don't like words like "given up", mainly because it's not true and they just don't fit our situation. I've never for a moment thought about "giving up" hubby in a permanent sense to be with my bf (or anyone else). In my own way, I'm committed to being with him for the rest of my life, and that's never changed. The part that's hard to get your head around is that while my commitment to hubby remains intact, I've also learned that I can be in love with someone else. To most people, I'm sure it sounds like the guy who gets to have sex with me is somehow the "superior" one, but trust me - it's not really as simple as that. There are all sorts of nuances going on. My current attempt at a solution - and I admit that it's imperfect and not for everyone - is to try to create what feels like a three-way family between me and the men I love. I think everyone is different...geez, I don't even know if this is going to work out for us...but I'm trying my best to find a setup that works for everyone with as little pain spilling over as possible for anyone.
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 6 Jul 2008 18:11:32 Reply  Haven't posted in a while, so I thought I'd share a fairly significant event... A few days ago, my bf decided that our setup is a little too hard for him and now we're thinking to break up. I'm really tortured over it, but he seems to accept that he can't have me all to himself, and so he'd rather be free to search for someone to call his own than continue this way. I'm still kind of numb to the whole thing, so not much else to say for now. Lots of pain though.
bsmp6419 Member 61	# Posted: 6 Jul 2008 18:56:58 Reply  Sorry to hear that, ValGal. It sounds like you were really trying to make the best of a difficult situation.
blazingsun Member 16	# Posted: 6 Jul 2008 21:33:31 Reply  Hi sorry to hear that. I have left an PM. Wish you all the best.
subserv Member 47	# Posted: 7 Jul 2008 18:50:47 Reply  Sorry to hear about this. You have been very honest in sharing so much and we appreciate it. Wishing you all the best.
alex_th Member 101	# Posted: 7 Jul 2008 21:39:15 Reply  Awww, sorry to hear that ValGal
enuro12 Member 166	# Posted: 7 Jul 2008 21:53:52 Reply  Val, I've followed this from the start. I could never post due to my mixed feelings on the topic. I've watched lots of these threads turn into divorce. It just tears me up some how to read them. I feel for both sides. You said "I guess I was hoping he'd somehow "snap out of it" and try to reclaim me " So maybe this is your chance to tell hubby how u feel. Maybe over the past few months he has changed as well I would want a chance to make you fully happy with me again, and maybe now he can bring it. I wont wanna pretend to understand all the dynamics of the situation, but someone is going to get hurt, and after all you still have a husband who loves you very much. Enough to completely ignore all the instincts to fight for you. And when i say that i mean that he would rather share you, than loose you.
enuro12 Member 166	# Posted: 7 Jul 2008 21:55:05 Reply  I would like to add, that maybe he just needs to hear you say what is quoted. If he has changed in a way that fufill all your needs he wont need you to explain that to him.
subcuckinseattle Member 106	# Posted: 8 Jul 2008 02:23:10 Reply  Val, I've never commented on your posts, been a bit of a voyeur in some respects...more lurking I'd say, but I just wanted to tell you, you sound so incredibly mature and responsible. I haven't a clue how old the 2 of you are, but the level of understanding and love you have for your husband is more than incredible, and wise beyond any years. Someday if I'm lucky enough to find someone like you...I'll feel complete. Best to you and your husband. Truly.
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 9 Jul 2008 05:07:53 Reply  Thanks to all who expressed these warm and supportive thoughts...means a lot to us. Can't say how things will work out now or in the future, but hopefully stay tuned for more. Thanks again to everyone who contributed to this thread...hope in some way our story impacted some of you.
draclif69 Member 2048 Pictures: 29	# Posted: 10 Jul 2008 03:42:09 Reply  Oh ValGal, I'm so sorry that you're going through painful experiences. Stay focused on happiness; aim for it. It will come again.
imasub2000 Member 34	# Posted: 12 Jul 2008 05:07:19 Reply  Val, this thread certainly has had an impact on me. Things will work out for you. I know things are rough now but like drac said, it will come again. Hang in there!!
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 13 Jul 2008 13:18:31 Reply  Thanks imasub2000 and draclif69 for checking in. I suppose I'm learning another dimension of the cuckold lifestyle, and that's how it feels to fall for someone, then break up - in the context of being married to someone else. It's certainly a little weird to be suffering through what feels like a big loss, but still have a loving hubby around who does his best to help me pick up the pieces. I'm so far trying to keep my thoughts in the realm of celebrating the relationship I had with my bf, being thankful for the times we shared and the positive parts of having had him in my life. Still, it's hard not to dwell on the other stuff...feelings of lonliness, inadequacy, "if only I had done xyz" thoughts and so on . And of course the loss of the passion and intimacy is rough too...I guess I'd become accustomed to having what seemed like an endless well of incredibly terrific sex whenever I wanted it. Hubby is really being wonderful through all this...I'm sure it hurts and humiliates him at a pretty deep level to see his wife in tears because her lover abondoned her. But through it all, he's been there unconditionally for me, doing whatever he can to keep my spirits up. He fills in important emotional role in my life, and I sometimes wish it went further with him. Anyway, no plans for the future at this point...still in that mode where I feel like I want to hide under a rock for a while longer. Hopefully, that stage won't last forever and I'll have some clarity around what my next steps are. Thanks again to all of you who have expressed support in here...it's appreciated.
dblue1 Member 209	# Posted: 13 Jul 2008 13:52:48 Reply  Valgal, Have you thought about having sex with your husband again now that you don't have a lover?
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 16 Jul 2008 02:51:41 Reply  Hey dblue1, in all honesty - no, I haven't given it any thought one way or another. Not sure if hubby has...but I'd expect this one to be in his court, so to speak. In other words, if he wants to apply for the position, he'll need to step up and say something.
imasub2000 Member 34	# Posted: 17 Jul 2008 02:22:32 Reply  I dont normally step in but mred, she didnt exclude her husband. Is it a risk to have something like this happen? Of course. However, everyone was happy, including her husband so no one was forced into the situation. Personally, i thought this situation was probably the way anyone in the lifestyle would like. Unfortunately, he decided it wasnt for him. Its a risk but im sure its one that was worth. Maybe i misread your post, if I did I apologize... Val, I hope things continue to get better as time goes on.
subcuckold Member 98	# Posted: 17 Jul 2008 16:45:34 Reply  valgal... probably you?ll find easier to manage your situation if you google about polyamory. That's the relationship my "wife" (living together for 21 years but not married) and I follow. We will carry on being a couple for the rest of our lifes but she's fallen for several of her lovers and we have found the way to manage the whole thing. If you want more info please feel free to ask.
jindaboy Member 41	# Posted: 18 Jul 2008 06:07:19 Reply  Dear Val...am simply writing to let u know that others have been where u are now. My wife has been in love with several of her partners over the years only to be let down by them at some stage or another. As the husband in a similar situation to your own, I urge u both to keep talking, keep sharing whatever u both can because it is this sharing that is indeed the most valuable part in any relationship (cuckold or not). My best wishes to u both and I know that u will both find that time truly does heal all wounds. enjoy life xx
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 19 Jul 2008 02:30:53 Reply  Thanks again to all of you who have checked in with words of support...maybe this site isn't just guys looking for cheap thrills after all. Thanks especially to the poster (subcuckold) who suggested "polyamory"...I've been doing some reading, and I have to say that it fits our approach (or what was our approach) more than the cuckold thing. Also makes me feel a whole lot saner reading that there are others in this sort of setup "on purpose". Anyway, time marches on...still missing my bf, but I guess I'm at the stage where I sort of understand that maybe he had needs I couldn't fill, and if he gets them met some other way - I guess I'm happy for him. Sad for me, but happy for him. Hubby is his usual trooper throughout, trying his best to deal with me as I go through my daily crying fits and meltdowns. I owe him.
imasub2000 Member 34	# Posted: 23 Jul 2008 03:15:37 Reply  That is very true and something that should be taken into consideration for sure. I cant say much about the polyamory because i only know a little about it. Ill have to do some research Hope things are getting a little better VG
dblue1 Member 209	# Posted: 23 Jul 2008 12:01:04 Reply  Val_Gal, the thing about polyamory is that usually both members of the couple tend to see other people, but it doesn't sound like your husband is particularly interested in having sex with women.
ValGal Member 101	# Posted: 27 Jul 2008 16:50:07 Reply  mred4682, I know it's hard to understand without being in my shoes, but I never "excluded" my hubby in the ways you hint at. Indeed, a lot of my motivation of getting into this lifestyle in the first place came from an attempt to give hubby something he wanted. You're right - somewhere along the way, feelings came up, but hubby and I were always talking and I think we were always 100% honest about everything going on. There was no deception or cheating going on here, and while it certainly evolved, at a certain level, my commitment to my hubby never faded...I couldn't live with myself if I thought that's what I was doing. Imasub and dblue, we have become much more interested in polyamory because it just seems more "loving" somehow. From my perspective, cuckolding has a certain negative taint to it...almost like a perversion being acted out. Polyamory, on the other hand, is about loving multiple people at the same time. To me, this is somehow "better" than thinking about it as something like "cheating, but with his permission". For everyone else, now that some time has passed, I guess the harshest feelings have died down. I saw my "ex" last week...we exchanged some apologies, and I guess I can see it from his point of view. He's a wonderful guy at the base of it all, and I really can't object to him wanting to break free of me in order to find someone all to himself. I even found it within myself to wish him luck, even as I reminded him that he'd never find someone as hot as me... Still, I continue to value hubby in my life and am as in love with him as ever. He's been my hero through this roller-coaster ride and I don't know what I'd do without him. Of course, he's already starting to ask when I'm going to start to "date" again, but that's another story...

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