Loosing interest in hubby

Valgal, thanks for the wishes. I (and I'm sure pretty much everybody else here) also wish you the best of lucks. You give signs of being a strong personality. I'm glad you're not planning to dwell on past sins anymore -- they're mostly imaginary anyway. Things have a way of happening despite us. Call it Tao if you will :-)/

If you feel you don't have much to say, then I'll leave you with my own wishes of good luck. And perhaps one little suggestion. In my own life, I've found out that writing helps me get beyond that 'mental space' of grief and self-questioning -- it gives me some closure. Maybe you'd like to make your experiences into a book? You don't have to publish it; it's just a way to go beyond it, put it all into one 'place' and then leave it there. It works for me, at least. (And, as mred said above, you've certainly had an interesting couple of years.)

Good luck again, and I hope you'll find your guy and start your family.

ValGal,

Life is complicated and breaking up with someone you have feelings for can really hurt. Everyone knows this pain and I hope you get through it quickly. My marriage is in a similar place and I try to comfort my wife when she is in between lovers. We have sought a "live-in" lover for her but it just isn't easy. My wife has had a few potential long term lovers but each has his own life away from us so it has ended up just fun sex when they are available.

Painful as it may seem, you should look at the good side of it. You were able to have two excellent extra-marital affairs without all the deception. You were able to enjoy rewarding sex. A new lover will surface and I hope you will savor the experience. A "faithful" yet sexually unfulfilled wife would not have this opportunity.

At some point you will find that poly relationship. Or, as in my marriage, my wife and I know we always have each other for the "companionship" we crave and she will have her lovers for rewarding sex. We too want a poly relationship, but it is very difficult to find someone who is both willing and can fit in to our lifestyle.

Good luck! I truly hope you will continue writing and sharing your story with us.

marcus

ValGal... thank you for this incredible thread. I obviously came in very late to this thread, but I read it from beginning to end, completely riveted. You are one of the most emotionally intelligent posters I've seen on ANY forum, let alone a forum that can be heavy on the "fluff". I do hope things turn out well for you. You very much deserve to be happy and have really given so much of yourself in a very honest way. I hope we do get updates from you from time to time, but if not... Good luck!

asehpe - thank you, too, for your contributions. Incredibly insightful and sensitive.

You have both given this community so much. Thanks!
Wannabe - see my captions at http://www.cuckoldplace.com/27_74912_1.html

I haven't posted in a long time, but I thought maybe I'd say thanks one last time and offer a short epitaph for this thread. It's certainly been a roller-coaster ride lately, but I think those days are in the past for me as I get some new perspective on things.

As I mentioned severla months ago, I broke up with my last bf and had been going through a pretty lonely time. My hubby was trying to help, but at the same time, he was coming to grips with all his gender issues...somehow this felt like yet another loss in my life.

The situation between hubby and I came to a head one Friday...I was away on business, and I came home a bit earlier than expected - to find my hubby kneeling between some guy's legs giving him some oral pleasure.

It was an awkward moment and I didn't know what to say, so I tried to just laugh it off, apologizing for interrupting and leaving them alone. Well, much to my surprise, hubby had his bf spend the night, and I could hear those muffled sounds coming from our guest room as they enjoyed each other.

Hubby's bf left early in the AM, but I recognized the look on hubby's face...I've known it myself so many times - it's that sense of being fulfilled and satisfied by your man. In that moment, I guess I knew things were over between hubby and I...there was no way I could keep talking myself into believing we were "man and wife" anymore.

I also found out hubby had taken his gender issues much further than I'd been aware of. I guess we hadn't seen each other naked in a while, but that day I learned hubby had been taking estrogen for quite some time now, to the extent that he had small but unmistakable boobs. He confessed that he just didn't want to tell me, but apparently he was planning on "going all the way" as soon as he could.

Lots of tears later, hubby moved out - and went to live with his bf, which I believe is where he still is.

Took a few weeks for this to sink in, but eventually it did and I screwed up the courage to go see an attorney and file for divorce. Hubby says he won't fight it, so it's really just a matter of time as it winds through the courts.

Hubby and I haven't really spoken in at least three months now. It's odd that way...we were childhood friends, and I can't tell you how many countless hours we spent talking about everything. Really, a lifetime. But now, it's like we don't have any words for each other any more...it's not anger or anything negative - it's like we just don't know what to say to each other. Thus we end not with a bang, but with a whimper.

At the moment, I'm living the single life, probably burying myself in my work more than anything. I'm thinking about moving to another state next year to maybe start over. I have all sorts of offers, but it's going to take me a while before I let another guy get close to me. Maybe someday, but not this week...really, for now, I'm okay just living my life and being alone while some of these events recede into the background.

So that puts the story to a close...sorry if it's not what many of you were hoping for.

Thanks again to all of you who followed my story all along...with you all the best

Val

good luck to you in this time of change Val.

Here is wishing you all the best!!!!

ValGal;

The one major lesson I've learned from life is: This is a big, big world and I am a very, very small man.

This is NOT the end of the story, but the realization of relationships made when utilizing faulty reasoning.

We've found the dynamics of any relations difficult. It's hard enough controlling our own feelings and impossible to control those of others.

Now that you have shed a great deal of pressures and have immersed yourself in work, you are free to script your own future!

I fully understand extricating yourself from a lifetime's worth of wreckage is very painful.

My suggestions are:

1) Cultivate friendships with other ladies. Women need women for advice, friendship, understanding, guidance and infinite other things. Lady friends know you and will introduce you to some man compatible with you.

2) Stay away from men until you and your girlfriends feel you are ready.

3) Please avoid the rebound romance (male OR female). Ease into things slowly.

This isn't a scenario where one just snaps her fingers and it disappears. You are an intelligent lady and if you just consider these 3 suggestions, exercise patience and aim yourself in a reasonable direction, I PROMISE that you'll be posting happy instead of sad!

My prayers are for you.

PS. When I moved to another state to get away from my problems, I found my problems waiting there for me. I quickly learned to clean up my own back yard first! Maybe it is time you stopped running?
..............PSEUDO PERSON

IASP, thanks for the advice...these are great observations.

I suppose you're right - over the past several years, I've pretty much isolated myself from friends and family. I guess I felt that being in a "nonconventional" relationship was something people wouldn't understand, but now that's in the past for me.

I have made more of an effort to reconnect with former friends, and I do feel blessed to have a few that have listened to me in a nonjudgemental and supportive way. You're right - that is a big help.

One of the other things I've learned is that I'm fine on my own - I don't need to define myself in terms of the guy I'm with. For a long time, I thought it would be hell to come home to an empty place and that I'd die without a little companionship. But I've come to see it as something different, almost a sense of peace. Trust me, last thing I'm likely to do is rush into any sort of relationship any time soon.

Anyway, thanks again for the heartfelt words, and I hope things are well in your world.

Val

ValGal;

You were thrust into this situation because of the behaviour of a loved one. Your isolation is your protection from having to explain many things that you don't understand to people who WON'T understand. It's nobody's business but your own.

Friends are crucial because they know us. Their negative feedback to some of our ideas can be a positive when (if) we consider their thoughts and viewpoint. Sharing ideas with trusted folk is beneficial. Even if they don't listen, vocalizing thoughts to another forces us to listen to ourselves. I've had countless "good ideas" that sounded great in my head crater after hearing myself utter them to others.

Please don't lock yourself out of life by fear of relationships. You are a social person, not a loner. It is not your fault the marriage and relationships did not perform as you had hoped. You were forced to adapt to the vicissitudes of your life - on the fly - and handled things far better than I could have in your shoes. You adjusted as much as is humanly possible to make things work.

I am very impressed with your insight, resilience, candor, intelligence, versatility, ability to seek and analyze answers, strength and etc...

You are a one man woman. You will win this game. Please get back on the horse asap, in controlled situations, with friends for guidance. Eventually, you will discover the man you seek is not very far away at all...







.
..............PSEUDO PERSON

ValGal,

I'll second I_A_S_P's advice. From your post, I see that you are not breaking apart, and that your newfound 'empty home' actually has some blessings in it -- the sense of peace.

I'd see it as an opportunity to find more about yourself and what you want.

I hope you (and ex-hubby) won't delve into your feelings for each other. I hope you'll also know how to avoid the blaming game (be it yourself, be it ex-hubby). My guess is that both of you suffered with this, and that ex-hubby lied to himself (herself?) and was in some senses as confused by the way things evolved as you yourself.

Ex-hubby apparently needs to find his (her?) own path. That will be his/her life adventure, let us wish him the best.

You also have to find yours, after whatever period of rest and peace you see as necessary for yourself. A period to reconnect with yourself, as someone who is not defined, not only by being with a man, but by any other people -- parents or relatives. Don't get me wrong -- it's wonderful that you've had some success in reconnecting with old friends and family. But in your life, you are the one person making the decisions.

ValGal, I have really come to admire you and your strength. If I had gone through want you went through (or whatever equivalent scenario you'd imagine, since I'm a man), I don't know what I would have done, and how I would have come out at the other end. Certainly not unscathed.

Get some rest. Then stand tall, look around, and check the possibilities. Decide what you want to do, where you want to go, and go there.

My sincerest best wishes.

ValGal; We miss you, Girl! I am hoping rays of sunshine are chasing your darkness away. Again, I feel that if you focus on things local, you will find all your blessings to be close at hand! I understand. ...
..............PSEUDO PERSON

She is a really cool chick. I hope she comes back too.

Well it seems ive just arrived when everything is over .Not to worry its the story of my life

thank you valgal..

as a prospective cuck i found this thread of immense value

and to all who've actively participated in here a thank you is in order...

good luck to you all

sincerely duufus
"men in general judge more from appearances than from reality.All men have eyes,but few have the gift of penetration." Niccolo Machiavelli

Agree

Just bumping ValGal up to let our little sweetheart know that she has made many friends here. All of us care for her and none of us are forgetting her.

.
..............PSEUDO PERSON

Second that