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Orexiz
Member
4
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# Posted: 29 Oct 2006 02:33:59
Reply
Hi !
I'm in a dilemma; I fantasize about, and get very aroused by the thought of my wife with another guy - we did actually try it, and we both loved it. Since we have been talking about for and against others in bed - also other girls (I know it hasn't anything to do with cuckoldry, but its part of the history).
I never thought of my self as a cuckold, actually I was repulsed by cuckolds - but accidentally I reed something about it, and for some reason I got pretty horny. I loved the thought of her with another man with a big dick (bonus for big black dick) just until after sex - then I hated it again.
Then a week (or so) went by without sex (at this point I almost can ejaculate just seeing a naked body - male or female), and I fund a site with some great information on the subject. I printed it out and presented it to my wife - boy I shouldn’t have done that. She got so mad, saying that she's never never ever going to do something like that - and after that, she won't even talk about the first experience we both loved. Actually she will not talk allot about sex anymore, and she don't have any interest in our dating profile no more - ever though she was just as exited about it as I am.
Now, I have lost some interest for the cuckolding for this (still not knowing if I ever was in to it), but still interested in have one or more boys/girls into our sex life - but she's not into any of it anymore. For the time I don't want anything to do with any other than just us - I'm still a lot of man (well build, tall, strong, well endowed and all other "MAN STOF") so I don't crave this as much as earlier.
However, some days (just like now), I find it very arousing and I not sure if I'm not into it or not.
I would like to hear your opinion, what should I do; go for it or forget it - and if I should go for it, is it "swinging" or cuckoldry (or maybe both) and what do I do about my wife to get her "back on track".
Please give advice, I really don't know what to do - if any...
Thanks in advance !
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Multi_Orgasmic Mary
Member
1105
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# Posted: 29 Oct 2006 10:58:55
Reply
This lifestyle has as many forms as it does people, try reminding her about how she liked the first experience, and find out what about it she liked the best. Many swingers find after awhile they enjoy watching their wife being pleasured while swinging, these men can easily transfer to voyeurism or cucking, many times sex isn't even required by the husband to be satisfying. You have to convince her that only through experience will she find new things she might enjoy, like the old saying, be "willing to try anything once",,,nobody liked spinach as a kid, and many still don't, yet they still grow the stuff, so somebody's eating it, tastes change, and palates develop.
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MrsBlackBlowupDoll
Member
208
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# Posted: 29 Oct 2006 14:47:48
Reply
what should I do; go for it or forget it - and if I should go for it, is it "swinging" or cuckoldry (or maybe both) and what do I do about my wife to get her "back on track".
Please give advice, I really don't know what to do - if any...
OK, let's start with what it is. It is really only cuckolding if you are humiliated by it in some form. That is to say, are you getting off on the fact that she prefers sex with other guys, or that you can't satisfy her? If not, if you just get hot from watching her have sex and want to join in yourself (with men and women) and there is no edge of submission in it, then it is just plain swinging.
As for your "going for it," you seem to overlook something. This is not exclusively you choice to make. This is a couple decision and it seems you've created a situation where you wife won't even discuss the subject.
This is something you both have to get past whether you ever swing or not. THe way this has developed, it is now a big festering elephant in the room and it is not healthy for your relationship. I suggest you engage your wife on those terms first. Tell her that honest communication is the key to successful marriages. Apologize for the insensitive way you dropped some of your kinky fantasies on her like a cartoon anvil. (And it way insensitive, by the way. You presented her with a pile of documents!?!) Tell her that you realize that the way you did it was all about you lustful wants and you hadn't thought about her feelings enough, but that you wwanted to know her feelings, no so much on that specific fetish, but on sex and the relationship in general. Share with her your thoughts and be honest to the point of vulnerable - don't try to talk her into anything, or sell anything, or guide the outcome at all. If you are very open and honest with her, it will encourage her to be the same - but not if she thinks you are trying to 'win' or trap her or manipulate her.
I also advise a lot of reasssuring in your comments. In my experience ne of the reasons people freak at the thought of swinging or cuckolding is the concern that this means that deep-down, you are looking for the exit door. It is also my experience that people only really engage in swinging or cuckolding when they feel very secure and safe in their relationship (or when they no longer give a fuck about it, but you don't want to go there) so the fear that you are looking beyond is totally counterproductive.
Your comments to her need to be completely honest and truthful (which is not to say blunt or lacking in tact. Show some love here!) so I can't really tell you what to say exactly, but I will also advise you to focus on 1. your desire to please and fullfill her, 2. your feelings and desires. Do not talk about other people. What I mean is, talk about the idea of her with other men makes you feel, how (and what) you think it makes her (hot, rather than low, which is what she might think), why you thought she could get into it. The internals, not the externals.
If you have this conversation (and it probably is several discussions over time) and diffuse her anger, you can begin to understand her reactions and get a look at what her turn-ons and tolerances are. That may end up where you want or may not, but that is just the way life is.
Good luck.
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Orexiz
Member
4
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# Posted: 30 Oct 2006 13:46:06
Reply
Thanks for your fast response.
I try to add some info, and explain some of the things I already written:
Quoting: MrsBlackBlowupDoll OK, let's start with what it is. It is really only cuckolding if you are humiliated by it in some form. That is to say, are you getting off on the fact that she prefers sex with other guys, or that you can't satisfy her? If not, if you just get hot from watching her have sex and want to join in yourself (with men and women) and there is no edge of submission in it, then it is just plain swinging.
This I actually knew, but I'm still not sure what I'm into (most).
See, I'm not that good a lover (I think my self that is) - I ejaculate after only short time of penetration. Sure, I do a lot of oral sex, finger play, dildos and like, but I aren’t giving her much pleasure (after my own opinion) with my dick. She says that I'm the best sex she ever had and I have no problem satisfying her needs whatsoever. However I reed a lot on this subject, knowing that I'm not performing as I would like to, and the conclusion is that most girls isn’t satisfied with only a couple of minutes. So somewhat you can say; I don't really believe her on this point - I can see she enjoys it when she gets more, fingers, dildo, that other guy I told about earlier did her longer than me and she enjoyed it and sometimes I can do 15 min. (don't know why that is!?) and that she sure enjoys that to. Therefore, I think there's something she will not tell me direct - I tried many "indirect" ways, but without luck.
I'm well endowed, over average, and she even think it's very big - but for some reason, that’s just not good enough for me. She don't think she can do any bigger, and when she does a dildo that is bigger she just says - you dick is almost a big as that even it's most obvious it's not. Earlier I told that we have a dating profile (still do, just not using it because of all this), and in this profile, one of our criteria’s is a big dick, don't have to be bigger than mine but that for sure what we're going for - and that's partially her decision.
When we had sex (before all this) we told each other fantasizes about all kind of things, she among other stories told about guys with big dicks fucking her for a long time - I know that more guys is not cuckolding in that sense, but she was not into that as you probably remembered !?. However, when not having sex she says that she don't want all that, she just liked the fantasy - just like me, like I told earlier.
An other thing that bothers me is, I love blacks (both for me and her, but lets concentrate on her now). I don't believe that they all is that much bigger than white man, besides I think it's difficult to find a very well endowed black man (I have tried for a long time now), but I sure like the color deferens - that get me sooo horny. She hate them she say, not black like that (Arabic inheritances she hate like no other, but that a completely different story), but she will not have sex with them whatsoever she says. Actually, we fund one, not that big tool but black though, on our dating site, and we talked to him - or she did that is. They talked about if she tried black and if she tried big black dick (he didn't know that I was bigger) and things like that - and I think that she got pretty horny. Nevertheless, disappointedly she got to nervous (I think that was the reason, she said that he sounded like no one she would have sex with), so she backed out of it, and as always I supported her decision. I don’t think that it's black in general that she's against, she just have something "blocking" her, holding her back - I do hope though that I'll find a way with blacks - advice are very welcome.
So you see, three things that this could be about; longer lasting (and better), bigger dick and black person - those 3 things I can't give her my self. That must be some kind of cuckoldry or at least submission - her wanting more than what I have.
On the other hand, I actually don't like the thought of her preferring another man, or as I said - that varies. Before sex it gets me on, but after I want her all for myself - that my true dilemma. I’m not sure if it’s just a way of holding her away from better, bigger and black still knowing they are there. Don’t know if that made any sense…
Quoting: MrsBlackBlowupDoll As for your "going for it," you seem to overlook something. This is not exclusively you choice to make. This is a couple decision and it seems you've created a situation where you wife won't even discuss the subject.
I know, but that wasn't in that sense I meant it, more like; if I really into this, then I have to try see if I can find a way she want this as well. However, if I'm not into cuckoldry, then this is the perfect way to stop (I think).
Quoting: MrsBlackBlowupDoll Apologize for the insensitive way you dropped some of your kinky fantasies on her like a cartoon anvil. (And it way insensitive, by the way. You presented her with a pile of documents!?!)
No, I actually read it for her – from a pile of documents, I know that wasn’t so smart – but that’s what I did.
Quoting: MrsBlackBlowupDoll Your comments to her need to be completely honest and truthful (which is not to say blunt or lacking in tact. Show some love here!) so I can't really tell you what to say exactly, but I will also advise you to focus on 1. your desire to please and fullfill her, 2. your feelings and desires. Do not talk about other people. What I mean is, talk about the idea of her with other men makes you feel, how (and what) you think it makes her (hot, rather than low, which is what she might think), why you thought she could get into it. The internals, not the externals.
We always told each other the truth (I sure do – don’t know if she does), how we feel and all that, that’s why I didn't understand her reaction - we have agreed that we both should tell our thoughts and be honest and truthful, no matter what. I have told her some wired things sometimes – I’ll spare you for details, but I got out of telling her that I’m bisexual alive, that a big thing I would say.
I'm sure that I’ll do that again, maybe with a filter - like telling what others do and thereafter hear her opinion !? or, something like that (sorry, I know you advised against it) - no of cause not. However, I’ll probably not be as open minded about telling her these things in the future - knowing what it can lead to. My biggest hurtle is to get this going again, we aren’t talking sex whatsoever now, and that has been going on for about two month. Therefore, I don’t know what to do to get it started again, any ideas !?!?
That’s a whole lot of s…. I just got of with there 
I hope that you still are with me and will participate – giving advice and comment mine and others words on this, I really need all the help I can get…
Thanks…
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RealGuy2
Member
15
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# Posted: 31 Oct 2006 02:48:22
Reply
The idea that cuckolding is only about humiliation is untrue. The word has been perverted. If you look it up in the dictionary, you will see that a cuckold is a man whose wife cheats on him...period, it does not mean anything else.
Many people here are into the humiliation aspect. I am not judging that, in fact, there are times that the idea of being humiliated to some degree turns me on.
As to your wifes reaction. She is frightened. I would guess that she doesn't like the idea of you being humiliated and is really turned off by it. I would suggest that at this point you drop it for a while and concentrate on having great sex as a way of reassuring her that you are still the same guy. After a while bring up your previous experience and find out what she liked about it. As a poster above mentioned, this lifestyle has many aspects. It is best not to label it. Just go with what you both enjoy.
Hope you have fun
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jamesriske
Member
1419
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# Posted: 31 Oct 2006 04:40:57
Reply
This thread is a classic example of why men should never take advice on how to handle and treat a woman from women. If we all took your advice, we would all be doormats and Mr. Nice Guys and all left out in the cold.
Hey guy, you need to stand up for yourself, stop blaming yourself, and call her on HER rude, immature and insensitive behavior. You confided your sexual fantasies in her, YOUR WIFE for God's sake and she got angry and now refuses to talk about it anymore and has totally said no to any more sexual swinging even though she previously enjoyed it?
The problem is not with you but with HER.
Be a man and tell her to stop her attitude and acting like a kid and acting all emotional trying to manipulate you. It's ridiculous. Hell, I'd walk out on a woman like that. How could you possibly consider apologizing to her? Apologize for what? Trying to share your sexual fantasies with her? What's wrong with that? Who cares how you did it? Sure, dumping all the papers on her was a little classless but certainly not enough to warrant her over reaction and little temper tantrum and now cutting off sex. Hey, if a wife withholds sex as a way to manipulate and hurt you, WALK out the door.
I can't even bring myself to read your whole messages guy. You're a wuss bag when it comes to women. Stand up for yourself for God's sake. Don't listen to women's advice either, they don't have a clue when it comes to how to attract a woman or how to keep your relationship happy from a male's perspective. (note to the women: you mean well and think you know what he should do, but you don't. You're giving him the opposite advice of what he should do)
Women are not attracted or interested in a wuss bag man who they can manipulate and keep under their heel. And I"M NOT talking about sexual games here, I'm talking about the real day to day relationship. My wife and I play dom games and I watch her have sex with other men BUT I'm also a man in all the other times. Now when I say that, I don' t mean to be a rude, controlling asshole, I mean to be a man and call her on HER bad behavior. Learn to say NO once in a while, learn to be confident, in control of your emotions, and be a challenge. Don't be so available to her or a pushover.
She owes YOU an apology and a good long talk about what HER problem is.
And you need to read and buy everything you can from this guy:
www.doclove.com
I used to be a wuss bag too and women pushed me around and used me all the time until I got this guy's material and studied it and practised it and after a year, I started to get it. Turned my life around and I'm now happily with a gorgeous woman whom I enjoy playing sex games with and she's head over heels about me. And I would NEVER take the shit that you are from your wife.
GEEZE !
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Orexiz
Member
4
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# Posted: 31 Oct 2006 20:36:05
Reply
Wow, that is some change of direction there...
I must admit that I'm somewhat relieved from what you’re writing, and most of the way I agree with you. For way to long time, I think that woman has taken the lead of society - and I'm not sure neither woman nor man is better of this way, rather the opposite. Yes, a wuss is probably the right way to describe it - and boy there's a lot a like out there, most of the guys I know also letting them lead by there wife/girlfriend. And man is not meant to let woman control there life like that, that my opinion (sorry but it is).
But, back to real life...See I love my wife very much, we have 2 children together and I can't just leave - and I won't, I need them and want them to be part of my life. I know that she "pushes me around" and don't always treat me as she should and all that (it has been like this for long time) - but I'm not flawless either. I do not intent to tell all my/our life, you will probably get bored half way (it isn’t that interesting – believe me) - but I think you can figure out what I mean, there's a lot of couples a like out there (maybe not the sex part, but all the other stuff).
What I say is, I sure want this working again – I just don’t know how and how to get starting again, I can’t ever think of how to “brake wave”.
You, nevertheless (jamesriske), got my thinking of this in a different way, and I think it’s interesting. Now I wonder, this “system” is it not meant to work “out of marriage” – it’s not “designed” for married people is it !?
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