Fred Jones
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# Posted: 13 Jun 2008 16:08:20
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This came from another author but I thought it was pretty good
1. It is usually possible for a woman to estimate the size of a man's fully
engorged cock by gazing at his crotch when he is unaroused and fully dressed and over ten yards/meters away.
2. Without the use of scientific instruments men can easily estimate the
size of women's breasts from across the room, even if the woman is fully
dressed. {Actually, this is no big deal, since nearly all attractive women
have 38DD bust sizes anyway.}
3. The normal sequence of sexual experiences is first petting, then oral
sex, then anal sex, then vaginal sex - usually all on the same date.
4. The first boy to touch a girl's breasts will come in each of her three
orifices within the next hour.
5. Most women would intensely enjoy sexual contact with another woman, but most men would not enjoy sexual contact with another man, even if cultural biases were eliminated.
6. Children who have sex with their parents normally enjoy this activity and grow up to be emotionally mature honor roll students who will contribute to scientific research and to world peace.
7. Ditto for sex with older siblings, kindly neighbors, and random strangers.
8. When sons, daughters, little brothers, or little sisters ask questions
about sex, the best way to answer their questions is to show them, using
their bodies as part of the demonstration.
9. When a spouse or lover catches his/her partner having sex with someone else, the typical response is to join in.
10. Women typically have multiple orgasms during every fulfilling sexual experience for several days in a row.
10 & 11a. Women and men that can do so are happier and better sex partners than those who have fewer orgasms.
12. Kids can go blind if they masturbate too often. {Ooops. That one
belongs on a different list!}
13. Kids who do not masturbate at least daily are severely disturbed.
14. It is important to pop a person's cherry before she gets out of high
school {or gets into high school, has her first date, gets married, buys her
first car, etc.}
15. Women typically enjoy getting raped, once they get over their
inhibitions.
16. Men who force women to have sex with them are sexy.
17. People can be turned into sex slaves by college kids who read a chapter in a psych book. {Either that or some of these stories are written by Psych profs who are really desperate to motivate their students to read a chapter in their text book.}
18. If you ever get turned into a sex slave, it will be the best thing that
ever happened to you.
19. The typical male ejaculation shoots at least 12 inches through the air
{unless the penis is inserted into a receptacle which will terminate this
expulsion. In this case the ejaculate lands with the impact of a speeding
bullet.}
20. Most women ejaculate at least a pint of luscious fluid during a really
enjoyable sexual experience.
21. Most people get turned on when their partner treats them with extreme cruelty for the partner's own personal gratification.
22. Most black men have "monster cocks." These 12- to 14-inch penises will thrill any pussy (or other aperture) lucky enough to receive one. Black women, however, do not have "monster cunts," nor do they appear to be all that interested in the genitalia of their black brethren. Hence the
reciprocal fondness between black men and white women, especially those known as sluts.
23. The family that fucks together stays together.
24. It's more fun to have sexual intercourse when there's a genuine risk of pregnancy. Offspring resulting from unprotected intercourse of minors tend to be sexy honor students by the time they reach middle school.
25. Nuns {and English teachers, librarians, etc.} are really sexual dynamos.
26. Ain't nothing wrong with most frigid women that a riding crop won't cure.
27. Guys who go without underpants and have sex several times a day do not develop a nasty rash.
28. Male doctors get their rocks off during physical examinations of female patients. Female doctors have multiple orgasms whenever they examine a beautiful person of either sex.
29. A girl will get her first orgasm from her first intercourse, usually
within minutes or even seconds after having her hymen torn.
30. Most young girls are looking for experienced men to train them in sexual practices. They want to start but they don't know anything about it. When they find these instructors, they will say things like, "Yes, eat my pussy now!" {Which is a strange request from somebody that doesn't know anything about sexual practices.}
31. Most women who find that their husbands want to loan them out to their friends respond, "Sounds like fun."
32. Most boys who are forced to act the part of a girl find that they love
the role. Unless this happens for the first time in a penal institution
other than school.
33. Parents routinely leave their bedroom doors ajar when they intend to
have sex, and kids do so when they intend to masturbate, which they do
noisily above the bed sheets.
34. Nobody ever farts while making love. Especially not during anal
intercourse. And even if they do, its never one of those rancid ones that
linger on and on. And even if it is, the partner thinks it's sexy.
35. No one ever gets a cramp while making love. For that matter, no one ever sneezes or has a nose so filled with snot that it's impossible to breathe, much less give a blowjob.
36. The woman's vagina never makes that 'farting' noise due to trapped air in there. If she does, this causes immediate orgasm in both partners.
37. Nobody ever forgets to wipe his/her ass prior to having it licked, which is unfortunate, because most people absolutely love the taste of human feces.
38. The woman never says "Ouch! I wasn't ready! I'm too dry!" If she thinks she wants to say these things, she instead says, "Fuck me harder!"
39. Men don't turn over and go to sleep immediately after sex.
40. Women don't fall asleep at the beginning of sex, when they feel so
comfortable and relaxed, and they can just let themselves go.... If they do fall asleep, their partner regards this as a compliment.
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