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Married Dom
Member
128
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# Posted: 13 Mar 2007 20:38:10
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I believe that submissive women and submissive men are very different.
Whereas a submissive man happily volunteers to humiliate himself, a submissive woman wants to be "forced" to do the same.
For example, a submissive man may say that he is "not man enough" to satisfy a real woman. But the submissive woman may say that "fucking him was not my fault", or she may claim a trance or the use of the wine or drugs.
Where a submissive man may find himself excited about his wife's infidelity, a submissive woman would find the lies and cheating too much of an insult to her attractivness to find pleasure in it.
Where a submissive woman may very much enjoy being the bell of the ball, she frequently needs to justify it by saying that she was doing it to please her husband.
A submissive man may be able to say honestly to himself that he is not attracted to cock but will suck one if he gets to enjoy being submissive.
In short, submissive men have a type of aggressive submission. They eagerly seek the sub-zone where they are degraded, humiliated and made to feel lesser.
But submissive women, who also get into the sub zone, do so as part of pleasing someone else. Submissive women always want to feel #1 in the eyes of their husbands.
What do you think?
MD
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sarah anne
Member
32
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# Posted: 13 Mar 2007 21:13:51
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While I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of married submissive women fit the profile you've outlined...speaking as one myself, I can tell you that my submissiveness has NOTHING to do with pleasing my husband. For me, it is all about "losing control". Clearly, society has drilled into our heads since we were little that "good girls" aren't promiscuous and don't do certain things. It's silly, I know, but many of us turn to dom/sub relationships to explore those things we want to do, but feel uneasy about. As a sub...it gives us a sort of "plausible deniability" to not think of ourselves as sluts and degenerates. 
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Married Dom
Member
128
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# Posted: 14 Mar 2007 02:00:06
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So nice to hear from you Shara Anne.
Plausable Deniablityl Not really a slut or degenerate.
My wife exactly.
Would you be willing to say more?
Say yes. Say yes.
Love,
MD
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cindyk
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# Posted: 14 Mar 2007 02:14:01
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Wanting to please... as I see things being older,when you are aging you want so badly to still be accepted as desirable that you will submit to things you might not have submitted to when younger. possibly for fear you might lose what you have to a younger woman. Yes, as Sarah Anne speaks of the desire to lose control , there was so much that was "taboo" when I was young that is now so common place. I was a "good girl".....
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Married Dom
Member
128
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# Posted: 14 Mar 2007 10:13:54
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Good Morning Cindy K,
Does the violation of a "taboo" have erotic value?
Is it more erotic when a "good girl" does "bad things" than when a "bad girl" does the same?
I personally have grown entirely impatient with the young girls who cannot walk past a mirror without stopping. I think best age for women is above 35, maybe above 40. It seems to be the age when they really start to appreciate cock.
However, women must be aware that they will go through psychological changes in their early 50's if they do not supplement hormones.
Anyway, please talk to us about taboos and good girls.
Love,
MD
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Married Dom
Member
128
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# Posted: 14 Mar 2007 11:40:33
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Let me try saying it in a little different way...
A submissive woman wants to "forced" to perform degrading sexual acts.
But a submissive man can get his thrills out of being denied any sexual acts, especially while his wife is sexually performing for another.
In the woman's case, she is performing, she is the center of attention. In the man's case he is not performing, he is being ignored.
Of course there are many shades of gray to this scenerio but please try to see what I am illustrating.
It is why a submissive man can get turned on by a cheating wife but a submissive wife would not get turned on by a cheating husband.
It is why submissive men can be permiscuous with their wives but submissive wives tend to possessiveness with their husbands.
I think that it is related to a fundamental need in women to feel attractive, wanted, loved and needed which is not as great in men.
Men on the other hand have a greater need for mothering and care but also sex can be like a genuine hunger.
What do you think?
MD
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wifedateshubwaits
Member
345
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# Posted: 14 Mar 2007 13:47:08
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Quoting: Married Dom It is why a submissive man can get turned on by a cheating wife but a submissive wife would not get turned on by a cheating husband.
This is one reason this lifestyle works so well for couple where the wife and husband are submissive.
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cindyk
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# Posted: 14 Mar 2007 23:59:24
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When the "submissive" woman is forced, it frees her from the guilt as she was forced regardless of her desire to have wanted to do the act. I AM very possessive of my husband , I DO NOT want him to cheat on me. He alas does not mind and in fact encourages me to cheat, he finds it erotic. I myself did not originally desire that but gradually came around.--Yes taboo has erotic value. when a "good girl", does "bad things" it is also erotic as something "pure" has been "soiled", like men's desires to "pop a cherry". Yes as a woman ages into her 50"s there are changes but MY sexual desires have not lessened in the least......
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Married Dom
Member
128
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# Posted: 15 Mar 2007 08:45:14
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Thank you for your thoughtful replies WifeDates and CindyK.
In my experience it is a rare and wonderful discovery to find a sub-sub couple.
My wife is sub and I am dom. It has been said that together we make a great person. I am ambitious (both in mind and body), impatient and (some say) come across as arrogant. The wife has no desire for professional achievements and spends her first half hour of the evening appreciating the new growth gardenias. We are very different but we need each other. I am definitely the top to her bottom.
Hello CindyK. I am delighted to hear that you have not lost desire as you have entered middle age. I put my own wife on HRT when her monthly friend started coming with violent mood swings. Since then, our sex life has markedly improved. I'd have to say it is now as good as it was way back when we were in our early 30's.
She too has a possessive streak. However, like your husband, I find it erotic to share her. Most especially with a submissive fellow who will obey me. It is simply not her fault if I have commanded it all to happen. Right?
MD and Mrs. MD head to Jamaica in the next few days. We go twice per year. We can hardly wait.
MD
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luvpain
Member
305
Pictures: 3
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# Posted: 15 Mar 2007 09:05:03
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submission and dominance are two things that are pretty close. Topping from the bottom is not my game. I'm a dominant woman and so my husband does as told. Wether he likes it or not. Thats an egreement we made a long time ago. I dont believe theres so much difference in how men or women are submissive. A true submissive "gives" control to her/his Dom(me) With that giving the first question rises. Who is Domming who?
stupid questions dont exist...
stupid answers however....
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Married Dom
Member
128
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# Posted: 16 Mar 2007 10:05:18
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Hello Luvpain,
It seems that even as you differed you supported the argument that submissive men and submissive women are different.
You said "I am a dominant woman so my husband does as told". Well, something that you already know but may not have considered is no dominant man could say the same thing. I am most certainly dominant and I am attracted ONLY to submissives but I could never honestly say "I am a dominant man so my wife does as she is told".
We dominant men have to understand that the submissive women who want to obey us must feel loved and respected. We have to get them to agree to do the things that they want to do in the first place.
You must know how easy you have it with a submissive man. Submissive men and submissive women are truely different creatures.
MD
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jacana
Member
163
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# Posted: 16 Mar 2007 16:55:11
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Love this dialogue. I think (this is a sign of danger!) That the primary difference between the male and female submissive is inherent in two factors.
1) The act of sumbission is an instinctive one, which is based in our genes, and the genes of other animals. The act of submission is a instinct related to a strategy of survival. Not everyone can be the leader. Therefore, in all societies, a majority must be able to submit to authority, or there would be constant conflict. There is a payoff, genetically, in being able to submit effectively.
2) The physical stature of human males and females makes the act of submission (usually) on the part of a male a conscious decision. He must submit willingly because he is usually able to physically dominate the woman.
No matter what she thinks, there is, in the submission of a woman, the knowledge that resistance might be met with force, and the consequences of that might be worse than the consequences of submission.
So, it appears to me that the submission of a male is voluntary, while that of a female is colored by her diminutive physical stature.
Sorry if that doesn't sound very sexy.
I will make you crazy.
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Married Dom
Member
128
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# Posted: 16 Mar 2007 19:13:04
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Very Interesting Thought Jacana,
Perhaps if I may paraphrase your idea, you are saying that submissiveness in a woman must necessarily be tainted by the fact that might be in serious physical danger. Therefore, females develop a defensive mechanism in their submissive personalities which allows them to say "no", even to thier own husbands.
I agree with your thoughts. I would add one other concept. Unlike men females have definite hormonal cycles. My own wife is much hornier and open to playful ideas for the first 2 1/2 weeks following her period. The week before her period she can become quite cranky and closed.
Before I learned how to be a better dom I used to push her sexually in that bad week from time to time. Not only did she not enjoy herself but it left bad memories that still sometimes haunt our fun years later.
Thanks for your thoughts.
MD and Mrs. MD will be in Jamaica tomorrow. I will check this thread tonight and in a week when we get back. I very much look forward to hearing your thoughts.
MD
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cindyk
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# Posted: 18 Mar 2007 00:15:36
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I can see the point of female submission being a act of instinct. As sort of like seeking acceptance from the "ALPHA" type male. Yes I know I am talking about animal behavior, but we do have those basic instincts ingrained in our genes. When men get older I believe they become attracted to younger sexy women for the concept of breeding more for the "herd". I also think the female act of submission is a way of turning the responsibilty for her care over to the one whom she submits herself.
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jacana
Member
163
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# Posted: 20 Mar 2007 00:25:51
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Cindyk
It is my personal opinion based upon extensive research on the topic, that we are, in fact, animals. To propose any profound distinction between man and animals is naive and egotistical.
A controversial point of view, no doubt.
We are distinguished only by our profound ability to adapt. And one of the tools we use is the ability to assume many types of social orders, or relationships. Adapt as doms or subs. Just my opinion.
I will make you crazy.
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cindyk
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# Posted: 23 Mar 2007 01:42:26
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My husband says I am an animal when we have sex and I begun to believe it. I do things I would never even think of doing and make promises I regret later. your point of view is quite valid...jacana
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DaniSubTV
Member
260
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# Posted: 23 Mar 2007 03:24:42
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Fantastic topic Married Dom and I love the way you've maintained it and encouraged every one to participate. I've got a lot of thoughts about it myself but, at the moment don't have the time to start putting them in writing. I just wanted to compliment you for now.
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jacana
Member
163
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# Posted: 3 Jul 2007 11:27:49
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Stumbled again on this thread as I researched people. I find this the most interesting thread on this site.
A book which changed forever my perception of the human condition was "Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors" By Carl Sagan. I also recommend "The Sixth Extinction" By David Leakey and "Ishmael" Author I don't recall.
Summary. The human experience is one in which we believe that we have the absolute power of choice in our lives. The reality, however, is that it is more like a roller coaster ride. Our lives, our behavior is going to happen in a particular manner based upon our genetic makeup and our environment.
Maturity is when we realize that the roller coaster is going to turn left, or upside down regardless of what we do, so we "go with it". Maturity is when we begin to watch our own behavior and our environment as an "observer" of what our experience will be, rather than the "author" of that experience.
We all "come out of the closet" at some point in our lives. For some it is early in life, we are mature beyond our years when we achieve "surrender" at a very early age.
Many of us, however, only come to this realization in the face of death. Others achieve it with a "near death" experience.
I think that there is a form of ecstacy when we come to grips with who we really are, what we really want, and then are able to be completely honest with another human being about who we are. If they accept us then, it is true intimacy.
When a man can finally tell his wife that he would like to suck a cock, or when a woman can finally tell her husband that she wants a big, black dick from three perfect strangers, that is intimacy and ecstacy.
I realize that this might be far too serious for this thread, and I may be fully mistaken, but I enjoy the challenge of ideas.
I love the posts of Married Dom, CindyK, luvpain, Sara Anne. It appears to me that the flavor of the posts are different when we hear from couples in these types of relationships, rather than the single men, who appear to be in the majority.
Not a better flavor, mind you, just different, more balanced, more intellectual, less extreme.
Less erotic, pehaps, but more mainstream.
Kisses to you all.
I will make you crazy.
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Married Dom
Member
128
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# Posted: 20 Dec 2007 13:04:47
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This past weekend I went through a thread on this message board on the plasma downstairs with Mrs. MD. That thread was in the cartoon cuckold section. Within the cartoon section was a thread called "Younger" or something similar. In essesence the majority of the cartoons were of boys with man sized penises fucking very happy looking thirty-something year old women. Some time this past week I Mr. Big C took down the illustrations because someone complained that the thread was about child porn.
Of course the person who complained was wrong. The thread was not about child porn but instead it was about the inner child driving the libido of the cuck oriented brain. The wife and I looked through many of the other cartoons in that section and saw a definite pattern.
Here are some of the patterns that I have seen in the submissive and cuckold oriented man:
1. He is struggling with his inner child. He wants to be mothered more than married. He wants to be a good boy. He wants his "mother" to be demanding and never satisfied. He is in competition with all of the other children for the attention of his "mom". You can see this in cuck humor and captions which seem to always gravitate around a woman speaking in a condecending way telling the little cuck to "clean up" or "go to bed" or "be a good boy" or some variation of an adult speaking to a child.
2. He wants to be the center of attention. Like puppies compeating for a tit all of the children of the house want to noticed by their parent for being "good". Well, the submissive man has become the center of attention when the couple who are actually making love take time out to give him a spanking or order him to suck cock or tell him to go make drinks or tell him to clean her pussy. You see, in the very many posts it is him who is the center of attention. That is the submissive cuck fantasy. Even when the fantasy is the denial of attention, like making him wait in the corner of the room or sleep on the sofa, the story from the cuck/sub point of view is not about the people having sex but about his own denial, which once again puts his feelings at the center of the story. Besides, with every denial story comes the grand reunion where "mommy" comes out of the bedroom and pets the little child (cuck) and thanks him for being such a good boy.
3. Twisted Feelings. This inner child demon can take on twisted forms. One form is where the man shaves his pubic region to make himself more child like. Another is where the sub/cuck man seeks corporal punishment like a child being spanked. Another extreme is where the sub/cuck man seeks to be nuetered to return to that child like state before the advent of sexual capabilities. Often these twisted mommy feelings come out in a preference for masterbation over actual sex because that is the way it really was in their early years.
What are your thoughts?
MD
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mcevin
Member
45
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# Posted: 30 Dec 2007 05:37:46
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Quelle est le difference entre un canard? L'un jambe, c'est le meme chose.
C'est la vie!
Love,
Jamie
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KokcoldGirl
Member
13
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# Posted: 2 Jan 2008 01:33:33
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I found this infinitely interesting! I (wife) started and enjoy being a sub. My husband thought it would be good for me to dom him--which i was totally uncomfortable with but have tried to do to please him. Hehehe--sounds typical sub, huh? Anyway, after the scheduling issues, etc. of trying to get 3 or more people together, he encouraged me to go out on my own. Which I did with success and had good and bad experiences but REALLY enjoy doing. And then I did the stupid thing--I told him to do the same. Although I've said many excuses as to why I haven't liked his excursions, reading this I have to wonder if it ISN'T purely jealousy--perhaps not even the sex but the TIME he spends elsewhere. And altho this is more pronounced with the women he's been with, I remember a cpl occasions (there weren't many total anyway) where a meeting with a guy made me feel the same--left out. I don't know. I haven't had a lot of time to completely think this through as I just stumbled upon this thread but felt the need to go ahead and respond
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KokcoldGirl
Member
13
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# Posted: 2 Jan 2008 01:33:51
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I found this infinitely interesting! I (wife) started and enjoy being a sub. My husband thought it would be good for me to dom him--which i was totally uncomfortable with but have tried to do to please him. Hehehe--sounds typical sub, huh? Anyway, after the scheduling issues, etc. of trying to get 3 or more people together, he encouraged me to go out on my own. Which I did with success and had good and bad experiences but REALLY enjoy doing. And then I did the stupid thing--I told him to do the same. Although I've said many excuses as to why I haven't liked his excursions, reading this I have to wonder if it ISN'T purely jealousy--perhaps not even the sex but the TIME he spends elsewhere. And altho this is more pronounced with the women he's been with, I remember a cpl occasions (there weren't many total anyway) where a meeting with a guy made me feel the same--left out. I don't know. I haven't had a lot of time to completely think this through as I just stumbled upon this thread but felt the need to go ahead and respond
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redimac
Member
1555
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# Posted: 6 Jan 2008 00:28:21
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Married Dom
I'd say spot on. Now on to the application of that knowledge
Joe Preston
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