| Author |
Message |
slaveboy6969
Member
128
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# Posted: 14 Jul 2007 20:27:34
Reply
She found some porn on my laptop and freaked out! She may be calling off the wedding we have scheduled for September! The porn was from about two months ago and saved to my laptop. I forgot it was there. She is really against porn. I don't know what to do. Help me!
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 14 Jul 2007 20:32:14
Reply
Um... get some religion...or perhaps you made a bad choice.
Joe Preston
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sansibar69
Member
65
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# Posted: 14 Jul 2007 21:03:01
Reply
WTF She's gonna cancel the wedding because of some porn?!
You sure you want to get married to her? That woman needs to relax and get a reality check. Sorry mate no real help there, I am just to flabbergasted.
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Wally8861
Member
18
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# Posted: 14 Jul 2007 22:13:57
Reply
WTF, if she can't live with this she may not be a good prospect for the long haul. If you had a prior understanding, that you would not look at porn,- then you are busted, beg for forgiveness and buy her some flowers, or a rock.
If you didn't have prior understanding then I think she should give you some slack (and if you want to live your life without porn, tell her you won't do it again). If you want to enjoy porn after/if you get married the two of you may want to talk to talk to someone and get this out of the way. WTF?
Another approach would be to get her blacked (but that has it's risks too  ).
Wally
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Black Sheep
Member
34
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# Posted: 14 Jul 2007 22:29:34
Reply
listen mate when you get married porn is all you wil have so think carefully
Sucking Fucking and Cucking
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drdneast
Member
738
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# Posted: 14 Jul 2007 22:58:34
Reply
If u r on this site asking this question the answer is obvious, u r with the wrong woman. Asking a man not to look at porn is like taking a woman shopping and asking her not to buy anything. Dump her or tell her u wouldn't need porn if she would fuck a man in front of u.
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slaveboy6969
Member
128
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# Posted: 15 Jul 2007 02:17:02
Reply
Wow! Thanks for all the replies guys. It really makes me feel better hearing from others. I did have prior warning about how much she disliked porn. I have lots of fantasies that she just isn't into, so I figured better to look at open than actually chest on her. She is open to try just about anything, but she isn't good at dominating me. I need a woman to take control. I've been a switch for a while, but never truly submissive. I have been with her for 3.5 years. She was a virgin when we met and I'm the only guy she has been with. Last year I told her about my fantasy of being locked in chastity and she was open to the idea, but didn't really understand it. She thought it was just at night or for a few hours when we messed around. She didn't like the idea of me being locked for days. So we never went any further with it. I have also fantasized about being cucked, but thought chastity would be a way to lead into that topic. Tell me what you guys think. Thanks again.
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slaveboy6969
Member
128
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# Posted: 15 Jul 2007 05:27:13
Reply
more advice please.
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Satyr6699
Member
1
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# Posted: 15 Jul 2007 08:03:43
Reply
Stay away until she grows up. It is not about the porn, it is about her whole attitude toward sex ans sexuality. There is clearly a fundamental mismatch that will only fester as time goes on. You have done nothing wrong and don't let her lay a guilt thing on you. It is her whole buy-in to the puritan madness that is the problem.
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 15 Jul 2007 13:43:34
Reply
This bull also thinks that this may not be the girl for you.
Joe Preston
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sdaciuk
Member
2
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# Posted: 15 Jul 2007 22:50:53
Reply
While it may seem like a mismatch to many posters here, I think we ought to be more careful about our replies. For one thing none of us know these too personally and yet many have been quick to jump to the conclusion that two people should cancel their plans to marry each other based on one topic. Perhaps the rest of their relationship is very good, in fact I would guess that it is since they are planning a marriage.
My advice would be to have a cool and calm discussion with her about pornography. What are her reasons for objecting to porn? Many women are trained to object to it as children with the words, "because it is degrading" burned into their heads without a lick of reason following it. But a purely emotional objection develops which can be very tough to break, I've known more than one girl with this pain-in-the-ass complex. There is no easy way to convince a person with such a cruel upbringing that porn is ok, that women don't suffer (but profit) from pornography. Often women are convinced that somehow girls in porn are forced into it or they have low self esteem or something like that. One must see by the amount of amateur porn on the internet that there is no shortage of girls looking to be nude on the net. One must also see that people have different reasons for being on the net, some for money, some for self abuse, some for the thrill and we have no way of knowing what each person is there for, but we can assume (from the lack of outrage and huge amount of amateur porn) that many are there for the thrill and/or money. That most of the girls are satisfied enough with the results that they aren't complaining.
But there are other reasons: some women feel like it is a slap in the face, like their appearance is not good enough for you to enjoy, that you want more than one woman to satisfy you. You must assure her that this is not the case. However, you also have needs and desires that are beyond your control as both men and women are very complex creatures. You feel that since she does not want to participate in all of your needs that you don't want to burden her with them. So occasionally you need to stimulate that part of your personality that she can't or chooses not to satisfy. But again, assure her that you aren't seeking to replace her, that you would LOVE to share these aspects with her, but you also don't want to make her do anything she doesn't want to do. That the fantasy is ruined if she doesn't WANT to enjoy it to.
Be cautious in your comments to her about this as you have an opportunity to have her as your wife and improve both your lives together. Ask her, for example, how she feels about pron made FOR women. Does she object to pictures or videos of men with nice bodies with nice penises totally devoted to pleasuring their female partner? Does she object to pictures or videos where a woman WANTS to dominate men for their own pleasure and not the man's? Does she object to women who like to watch pornography?
Perhaps try to bring her into the fold, so to speak. How do you thinks she would feel if you sent her an e-mail with a picture of a nice looking man with a very bulgy speedo on? One fully nude? Consider renting or downloading a porno and ask her if she'd like to pick one, assure her that this is NOT tit for tat and that you will never use this as an excuse to make her watch one you want in the future.
Talk to her about her fantasies. The best time to do this is while you give her a massage. Get some lightly scented oil from a nice shop, tell her to strip and get on the bed (through down an easily washable sheet first) and give her a LONG massage. Talk about anything she wants but try to work sex in a bit but don't take over the conversation and don't make it about you. Just rub her and ask her questions: What actors does she find sexy? What does she fantasize about? What turns her on? Rub her back, her feet, her legs, her butt, even her arms. One day, perhaps not the first time, ask her if she'd like to watch porn while you massage her, even offer to be blindfolded while she enjoys the treatment.
Don't press for too much at once. I think you mentioned being her first real partner, that can cause very intense emotions. Make sure to communicate a lot, speak calmly and don't get upset over setbacks. If you really want this to work you must accept now that she may never come around to being a bbc porno freak. You must accept that she may never want more than she has right now. If you don't accept these basic facts you will become antagonistic and spiteful to her.
Anyway, I hope that helps more than the "She's not for you" posts. I once had a girlfriend who was a real freeze and real uptight but man did I love her at the time. It was a real tough situation but she eventually started to loosen up before we split up over other reasons. So I understand how painful your situation can be, but it most certainly isn't hopeless, just don't expect miracles. Just try to keep the focus on pleasing her and try not to get upset with her. And for your own sake, don't ever promise never to look at porn, but do make sure you don't replace her with it. Be clear that it's just something fun you like once in awhile, that you'd be happy to share it with her, but you understand her objections. It's never about her not being good enough, but people crave different things sometime, and it's ok that she isn't like them, because if she was like them you'd be jerking off to her picture on the internet and married to someone else.
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 16 Jul 2007 15:15:53
Reply
Quite simple for me, really.
If you need to enter into analysis to "save" a relationship befor it is actually formalized , imagine the future.
Awful hard (impossible?) to change you partner's core values, ask any married friend. Or like I suggest in my first post, you could change, "get religion" that's pretty easy, no?
Me still thinks ....blow her off.
Joe Preston
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CygnusChicago
Member
1
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# Posted: 17 Jul 2007 23:22:36
Reply
Hmm, I disagree with most of what has been written here, but the outcome is the same. It's NOT a case of this being "the wrong girl for you", it's a case of YOU being the WRONG GUY for her.
Many of us cannot understand her viewpoints, but they are hers, and she has been open and honest about them to you from the start, clearly expressing her view on porn. You, obviously, have not shared YOUR view, choosing instead to hide your porn viewing behind her.
If you want to be dominated by a woman, you have to have respect for her. The fact that you are lying to her, shows that you have no respect for her. If you cannot respect her values, you need to tell her, so she can make a decision, most likely to find someone with compatible values.
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Duality
Member
80
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# Posted: 17 Jul 2007 23:55:50
Reply
What Cygnus said..
Believe me.. I had a relationship where I tried to hide my porn habit. It doesn't work!! She will find it, and it will cause all sorts of problems.
I would seriously consider thinking long and hard before the marriage.
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jamesriske
Member
1322
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# Posted: 18 Jul 2007 00:26:38
Reply
I've always wondered why some women have such a problem with porn and how many guys feel that have to hide it.
Most men like porn and have porn and watch it. If women don't like it, tough shit. They will have to learn to deal with it. Why should men have to hide porn and feel that it's wrong or their fault when caught?
I could see that it would be a problem if a man obsessed over it or if it was extreme fetish porn that she didn't like or gay porn, or something. But if it's just run of the mill porn? If you ask me, she owes YOU an apology for snooping.
I think this whole issue of porn is turned upside down. Women read romance novels, do they hide them from men? If men find it on them, do we call off weddings?
Ridiculous.
About time more men stood up for themselves.
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BBULL
Member
31
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# Posted: 18 Jul 2007 03:51:38
Reply
I think most of us have dated a woman at some time or other that objects to porn, it is not a good situation to be in.
Quite often a woman's sex drive is not as high as the mans or she just does not get excited about the same fantasies as him, men find porn a great release and source of new and exciting ideas.
I am assuming that if you want to marry this girl, that you expect to stay with her for the rest of your life, a life without looking at porn or a life of lying.
I think maybe you need to be together for a while longer and try and resolve this issue before you get married.
I hope you can work it out, there is nothing more exciting than sharing fantasies with your wife. Good luck
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 18 Jul 2007 13:58:24
Reply
when it comes to sex, men tend to be visual, women more cerebral. Hence the male infacuation w/ porn.
Joe Preston
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 18 Jul 2007 22:56:07
Reply
Oh, I'll fess up, I enjoy porn.......
.....And no pussy is going to tell me no.
Joe Preston
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afwmisom
Member
247
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# Posted: 19 Jul 2007 05:37:16
Reply
it wont work.
she is frigid.
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 23 Jul 2007 15:03:05
Reply
Frigid....perhaps a hard head, not open to experimentation...which is the basis for a long term sexual relationship, no?
Joe Preston
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MrBungle
Member
101
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# Posted: 24 Jul 2007 14:37:28
Reply
Had the same thing happen before I was married. My wife took it as me not finding her attractive. That was when I came clean and told her that I was fantasizing about her fucking other guys, and used porn images to enhance that fantasy (I had only a few images to be honest--I mostly read erotica).
She was perplexed but accepted it, and we're ok now. I wish you good luck in resolving your own crisis.
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 13 Oct 2007 16:57:03
Reply
And like females never fantasize.........
Joe Preston
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elaine4blk
Member
29
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# Posted: 22 Oct 2007 21:50:35
Reply
I used to be that way...now I love making it! I don't really look at it! My husband did this to me.....We attended a christmas party....I was a little tipsy, this is when I was not frigid in bed! He made a plan with a friend of his from work who I happened to mention one day was cute (he was a cute black guy) he ended up in our room at 1:30 in the morning...we walked in I collapsed on the bed face down, felt hands going up my legs under my skirt....needless to say I was wet instantly....well he gave me oral....it was just like my husband I swear! Then when he slammed that dick into me...I knew something was different....he was thick! Then my husband came around the front and stuck his cock in my mouth....I knew who was behind me..........I loved it! It did not stop yet....I was fucked until 5 in the morning by 4 other guys.....he had me gang banged....It was the best thing that ever happened!
Elaine
Elaine for BBC
http://www.freakdaddygirls.com/elaine
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Amazonking
Member
143
Pictures: 21
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# Posted: 22 Oct 2007 22:49:46
Reply
It is now October. Was the wedding called off? What exactly was the end result? Inquiring minds want to know. . . .
A man has not lived until he watches another man fuck his wife!
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 23 Oct 2007 16:34:22
Reply
Guess the poster disappeared
Joe Preston
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 30 Oct 2007 20:23:44
Reply
He's in the closet wanking.......
Joe Preston
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 3 Nov 2007 19:38:17
Reply
Lets try this again, pretty thoughtful post actually....rare here.
Some deep thinking person have something to add?
(Wankers...you get to read)
Joe Preston
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redimac
Member
1611
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# Posted: 22 Nov 2007 01:05:03
Reply
Anyting to add?
Joe Preston
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