Real Cuckolds-Any regrets? (my wife at stake)

Update-She has not gone black, and I have not been cucked. BUT, the fantasy has continued and in many ways are better than ever. She now makes "Black" comments more frequently and anytime she see's a semi-attractive black guy she lets me know. We have since moved to a different area of our city and there are more black people in this area. I think this is helping.

Honestly I have not had any black friends for years, it would probably make it really easy for her to do if we had one. Maybe I should make an effort to find a friend, just a regular friend (who is black) and then go from there.

Thoughts anyone?

Its much better off as fantasy than the real deal. I would never pimp my wife out to a black man or any man for that matter.

Use caution. My story has been well documented here... Fantasy became reality, and reality is a little harder to deal with than fantasy.

I disagree with those who say you can't go back. It is possible for both husband and wife to steer away from that lifestyle if they don't wish for it. My wx-wife, current partner (its compicated!) is an emotional soul and battles between faith and physical commitment to a single guy, me , and fucking big hard guys.

In a way we can't go back. I think that even if we chose not to do the cuckold thing she would have the occasional fuck on the side. She is experienced, much more self-confident now, has game, and is always horny! It is inevitable she will occasionally get nailed by strange cock.

Bump

I love this thread, lots of good insight and experiances here. Add yours!

I just let my girlfriend flirt at Christmas and New Year. She gets to snog lots of men and I get to watch, but no one gets hurt!

Hi.

I think it should not be a problem for you if you are cuckolded. Me and my wife have done this many times and we both like it. There are no problems so far, only excitement and fun and lot of sex. My wife has had 3 guys so far, and 2 of them for many times.

I got this idea in my head many years ago. It took me about 2 years until my wife was willing to try it and she was quite nervous in the beginning. She felt like this was not the right thing to do in a marriage. But now she likes to break up the normal live by having sex with someone else.

In our case the reality is much better then the wildest fantasy. We both enjoy this and look forward to doing more of this. She has still not had black guy, that will hopefully happen soon.

aggob1963
Good stuff, glad to hear it.

I want to believe I could handle it ok and our relationship is pretty good so I think she could just enjoy it for what it is also. I still realize there is some risk involved, but thats all part of the fun, right?

I would say from lots of exp-be careful it can work and work well, avoid the guys who are too secretive and don't enjoy both of you as a couple ...

from our experience lots of time and honesty honesty honesty we can not do the part where she has a boyfriend we are in love and know that would not work so we modify and she will fuck strangers but i have to know before and i am involved in the organising of it before and after . Make it work the way you both want it i dont think there is a stereo type you can do as little or as much as you want and agree before that you can stop if the relationship is in danger, my wife says that if we stop tomorrow at least we have great storys for the retirement home.

*Listening* This can't be happening to me but a guy friend seems to suggest this is a lifestyle for us, We haven't even met or had sex or had things happening to our relationship that needs to happen. I love this guy[FRIEND] to bits, but this cuckolding relationship things needs to be scrutinized with a more critical eye than percieved control by having fantasies; and it's making me feel unsexy fantasy wise, not good, when I consider myself a bit more adventurous than most? willing to try all sorts of things. Best wishes to all honest folks on this thread I wish you my warmest.,x
I am only learning how to live out of NOTHING!

Very wise. I am an avid practitioner myself, but I think that it is something that couples need to discuss and consider carefully before they give it a try. While it is not true that you can't ever stop or go back to mutual monogamy again (I know people who have), it is true that the emotions involved can be intense for some. For many people the whole thing is great and no problem, brings them together and even makes them feel empowered and actualized sometimes. But for others, it strikes a nerve, with varying degrees of unpleasant result.

Whatever you choose, I wish you well in your relationship.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

The question is: how strongly you and your wife or gf want that to happen? If a lot, when you chose the right guy, it can be very stimulating. It also depends on how much you trust each other, in terms of making sure the existing complicity between you and your wife (or gf) will not disappear with a new partner or partners coming into the relationship. In mine and Erika's case, it's been great, so far!

I am not sure people here look at the downside here as much as the upside, and that is runwaway fantasies that men dream about. The fantasies of our beloved men NEVER take into account the possible hurt, jeolosy etc, perhaps imagineering and fantasising needs to be on a more realistic level? Sexaul fantasies to be nourishing. Our wonderful men who want us to be happy to have confidence to satisfy us THEMSELVES!!!!!!!!
I am only learning how to live out of NOTHING!

If in doubt, leave it out. Metaphor and pun intended!
I am only learning how to live out of NOTHING!

IMHO men need to begin to take charge again so they are NOT sissyfied or robbed of their cocks power. There needs to be energetic and vigorous fora for men with so called less big dicks. Men need to be men again in this in way that they take charge of girlfriends experience and it's fantastic and any problems are dealt with on both sides and that is also fabulous.
I am only learning how to live out of NOTHING!

I agree with you on the first point. I don't think that people on this website discuss either the cost or the risk as much as they do the benefits and possible rewards. Seems to me, however, that that is to be expected on a sex fetish forum site. There are a lot of people here for the vicarious fantasy. You can do whatever in "runaway fantasies," But when you start to actualize in real life, you do need to make very sober judgments.

I'm afraid I can't agree with your second point, however. (:cry It seems to me that many of cuckold fetishists, including those posting this site, do indeed take the possible "hurt, jealousy, etc." into account. For some, that is exactly why they stop short of their wildest fantasies. For others, it is exactly those elements which fuel the fantasies. Surely hurt is at the heart of all s/m fetishes, cuckolding included, and jealousy is specifically at the heart of cuckolding. How could they not take this into account? It is like saying I like chocolate cake, but never take chocolate into account.


To each his or her own. Sounds like a nightmare to me. Isn't human variation wonderous and grand?

I hope you find what you're looking for.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

I am concerned men end up emasculated of their own sexaul power-regardless of the cock they were endowed with. Porn, Fetishes needs to be more creative to take account of these needs as well. I fear men will suffer in the name of variety, at the same time one wants to be up for all the range of sexaul experience that is genuinely enriching and that causes the experimenting couple to get closer than ever.
I am only learning how to live out of NOTHING!

I seriously doubt splitting a relationship would make it stronger over the long term. I disagree with conventional wisdom and instead believe that it is the weak relationships, the friendships, that survive the fantasy. I do indulge in the fantasy, but it's never about my wife and I would never involve her in it, and the gay stuff geeks me out. I love my wife as a man.

Frankly, I suspect that most guys who actually do it are either an odd form of homosexual or are a variation of bi-sexual. And that being the case, I can't see how any woman could be attracted to that as a woman.

If you love your marriage don't do it. If on the other hand your fetish is more important, why not just get divorced, why get another permister involved in what could be a very painful event, for all parties.

thx to all for your contributions to thist interesting thread!

Although my wife still refuses to go real. Cuckold phantasies have become such a regular and intense part of our sex life (see pic).
Thus, I am sure that one day or the other we will face the decision whether to really cross the line so many of you already have crossed.

This is a delightful approach to life IMHO. But surely you realize that not everyone is as interested in "variety" as you are and that what is enriching differs from individual to individual. Insisting people to embrace the moderation of toe-dipping "variety" rather than takeing deeply their fetish is as prescriptive as notions of "no sex 'till marriage," and "monogamy only," etc. When you say:


You seem to overlook that this is exactly the thrill at the heart of the kink. Don't get me wrong. I think that moderation in indulging in your fantasies is all fine and good. But going to extremes (whatever they are for a given permister) is not necessarily wrong or deserving of censure. Each individual must decide for themselves how far to go, including whether they wise to emasculate their "sexual power."


No offense, but his makes little sense to me. In the first place any number of people have testified on this site, myself included that they have indulged and it did not explode their marriage, but enhanced it. I'm not quite clear how you can insist that it is invariably otherwise without any experience of you own in the matter. More to the point, I don't see how getting divorced would help him indulge his fetish when his fetish is extreme cuckolding. I can't see how he can carry that out without a wife he is in love with. If your view is that he should abandon his fetish, deny himself this important element of himself for the good of others, (not a view I subscribe to) I don't see why he would divorce. Surely denying himself within the context of the marriage reduces the pain to her more than denying himself by dumping her?


When you do, I hope that you make the choice that is right for both of you. Good luck to you both!
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

No offense taken. Actually, I don't think I implied a hard and fast set of conditions per se. I have had a fantasy like this for over 30 years now. It is quite an odd thing since I'm not a racist in any way and don't believe that Blacks posses any particular sexual qualities as a race any more than I believe that Jews are smart as a function of race.

The problem with his indulging the fetish is that once it leaves his imagination and begins to coerce others, through manipulation or seduction, it becomes a hostile act of sorts. If his wife wanted it, she would do it. And, why lure another man into an empty relationship. Sex is good, but it can easily become an empty addiction, no different from any other.


Well, the problem here is one of logic and paradoxes. It's like a math problem where you get the hierarchy of operations wrong. You presume a man can have his wife do this and still love her. If we read between the lines of several posts, in this thread and others, we see that the proper order is: Can a woman love her husband AND do this? I have little doubt that in most cases the answer is no. Sooner or later she seeks out a man to match her womanhood. A man who isn't a tag-along. In the other cases, again, I believe that the pair share a curious form of friendship and not romantic love. How many people who are newly in love have you seen introduce a third party into their sexual activity? I've never seen it. Fuckbuddys are of course different.

Permisterally, I don't think that people who don't love each other should be married. And, I firmly believe that denying oneself is a sign of a superior mind. I know that I have to deny myself persistently to keep my budget balanced and as well, in my line of work, keep my marriage intact. Seriously, what good would it do me to bang some groupie on a one nighter when my wife will be with me to the end.

Tell me, how can a love grow stronger when it is distracted by an obsession that almost certainly isn't shared by both people, especially a sexual one? Do you believe that humans have powers other naturals don't, beyond ordered language?

People convince themselves easily that the other permister is enjoying what they do as much as they. But, to me that is one of the best signs of a poor lover. If that is his problem he should just learn to eat pussy. For most women orgasms primarily come from oral pleasure. If you think otherwise you probably also think those noises she's making to get you to cum are her cumming, lol.

Hmmm.... So in other words: "I, subedai, define love (or at least romantic love) to be a state that would never allow for a spouse to do this. Therefore, anyone or couple who does do this cannot have True Love, but only some lesser form of half-love, there own perceptions and experience of the matter notwithstanding. If they believe from the expertise of their own immediate experience of the thing that they do know True Love, they are simply deluded for they do not meet the definition of True Love as defined by me."

Seems pretty circular to me. Of course, you are have a perfect right to define the meaning of love for yourself as poets, princes, paupers, and peddlers have since time immemorial. I hope that you don't mind, however, if the rest of us reserve to ourselves the same privilege for ourselves and our lives? I mean, I hope you are not one of those who having found what works for their permisteral situation leaps to the conclusion that it is universally applicable, normative, or appropriate for all other individuals regardless of other factors.


Again, just because it is outside your permisteral experience does not mean that it is ruled out. And again, I can testify to having seen it even during intense periods of pair-bonding by newly enchanted partners, and certainly often among longer attached and deeply loving couples. Just because you haven't seen it on this very big world, doesn't mean it doesn't thrive. We all need to make assumptions from our experience, but we need to also make allowance for when we hear of experiences that are counter to our own.

We should also be careful, in my view, not to play Dr. Pangloss (and I'm not suggesting you do, but waxing on the point). Just because something is conventional, it does not follow that it is necessary, or even wise. Further, just because it is rare, does not mean it must be rare. Just because there are relatively few poly relationship in our society, for instance, (an assumption, by the way, since good data on this is notoriously hard) does not necessarily mean that there can't be, that people are somehow programmed not to, or that the love in them is somehow different. When dealing with traditions, especially those backed by social censure and conditioning, it would be foolhardy to draw such quick assumptions. (Again, I'm not saying you do, just riffing.)



In other words, you believe that fetishes, or at least this one, are best kept to an internal fantasy and never actualized. A perfectly respectable choice for someone to make for themselves, but I think you are putting the cart before the horse. We all exercise some level of self-discipline to achieve those things most important to us. But what you deny yourself depends very much on what you want to indulge in. You want to indulge in the benefits of a balanced budget, your career, your marriage, so you deny yourself those things which you believe are incompatible with them. But your hypothetical in you previous post was someone for whom the fetish was more important than marriage. (We'll set aside for a moment the debatable assumption that they are incompatible.) If that were so, then does it not follow that the proper course for such an individual to achieve what they want is to deny themselves other things that would get in the way of that, rather than deny that for the sake of other things they do not value as much?




Totally agree! But in this case, if you look at the initial post, this is a fantasy that she was into first and get him into and now thy are both into. His concern is what are the risks is in actualizing it.

It seems to me a sensible concern, but ultimately a decision he must make for himself. The risks of any action in any relationship are pretty contingent on the people, place, circumstances, etc.

All I can tell him is that cuckold fantasies can be AND HAVE BEEN actualized without serious risk or regret by other couples. Whether he, his wife, their relationship, etc. will do it successfully is impossible to know, (just as it is impossible to know the risks of NOT doing it in a relationship where the shared fantasy has come to so dominate their sexuality, by the way,) but he and his wife are the people best able to judge.

What leaves me scratching my head is how you are so certain that this is not so; that it is not a question of risk at all, but a certainty that it will blow them apart. How you can insist that actualized cuckolding relationships can never work despite people like me demonstrating that they do. How you can blithely say he is better off preemptively ending the marriage if his desire to actualize is so very strong. It rather amazes me that you can know all these things when you do not know any of the people involved and you have never yourself given it a try.
Pantalone, Wittol, oblate, abnegator, fellator, pathic, irrumatiophile,fop, epicene, cotquean, skivvy, thrall, and pilgarlic.

This is a variation of the Nirvana Fallacy.


This presumes that permisteral perspective is an accurate perspective. Were this true then the opinion possed by one spouse of the other in a vicious divorce would be reamisterably valid. Emotional predilections aren't logic.


Please feel free to demonstrate how. I'm thinking you are attempting a straw man.


Hmm, equivocation or casuistry?


I would put it more along the lines of my having watched dog packs, cow herds, apes, and divers natural and human behavior, has resulted in a view of humans as living creatures and not mythological gods. There aren't a billion possible ways to love, there is pretty much just one. But, along the lines of Tolstoy, "Isn't it strange how every loving couple looks just alike whilst every dysfunctional couple is miserable in its own way?"


A thousand foot tall marble statue of an alien from a distant galaxy appearing in my living room is also outside of my experience and I'm quite comfortable believing it won't happen. I've been around the world and lived all over the US. Outside of Nirvana Fallacy reamistering the fact is that healthy humans don't work that way. They come together, they make a couple, they begin a family, as the process continues. Even polygamous families begin with one couple. Note: Dysfunctional couples don't count as in arranged marriages and cohabitating fuckbuddies.


And neither should we use a casuist's caricature as proof of a point that is generated by the fiction it created. That is circular.


While this is true, your problem is that of the burden of proof. The value of the conventional is established. The value of the novel is not. Insisting that others accept it based on its sensual value to you is tyrannical. I assure you, I'm a freak. I accept that being so I won't get the same spot at the table as others and I'm enough of a philosopher to know that I shouldn't get such a seat. I am made secure by a normal healthy society. When we refuse to admit the existence of that normality, I am put at risk. On top of that, in this case, for no reamister greater than genital stimulation.


I suggest that the better statement would be, "...in a healthy society." Anglo/American-European society is clearly dying. This particular fetish and the apparent prevalence of it is one demonstration.


This isn't necessarily true. I agree that it is [u]prudent[/u] to thoroughly examine the situation, it isn't foolhardy to draw quick assumptions. To argue thus is to presume that 20 year olds can't make good relationship/familial decisions based on cultural conditioning (the equivalent of a 40 year old making a quick assumption). The human natural is quite capable of extremely accurate at-a-glance judgments.


I certainly do in the sense I gave. If you go on a dating site and advertise for a permister who will exactly fit your fetish and then the two of you live it out, go right ahead, you were both in it eyes open. I doubt the 'love' between the two would be the same as a family based relationship, but how can I really know. However, if a man has to con his wife into doing this then it is coercion. People just as likely to make bad decisions to please someone they love (if not more) as they are to make bad decisions to please themselves. Taking advantage of the former is wrong, I don't care how it is rationalized.


It really doesn't work this way. Again, you are taking the role of a casuist. The more often we drop our guard the more often we get struck buy harsh reality. One man buys a 55" hidef TV, the other gambles his cash away. Yes, each enjoyed himself, but one has a real object that can be sold back and the other has his back against a wall if he runs out of cash. Self discipline is survival, it isn't a thing we barter for an orgasm. If it costs little or you have something to show for the indiscretion, then no probs. I spank my monkey to a video of a woman and a black guy and imagine the woman wasn't sure but was overwhelmed by lust. That costs me little. If I get my wife to go with another guy she will never look at me the same way again. I'm *** to give that up both because I like it and most importantly because she likes it.

So, to answer your question, it isn't a two sided coin. The variable isn't one or the other, it is the value of that which you put at risk, a kind of a reverse Solomon's baby.


I don't really think you are understanding me if that is what you believe. Think about it this way: What if you were married and deeply in love. Then, someone told you you could be more in love if you, umm, took the red pill. But, the risk was that it could turn out that you would lose your love all together? Your willingness to put that love at risk in almost a Schrodinger's cat way actually demonstrates the truth of that love. So, if you are quickly willing, you actually aren't in love at all and perhaps are trying to be in love. If the answer is no way! Then you prove you are in love. It's a Zen thing. By taking the test you fail.


Again, it's a Zen thing. It's like this. My dog is dying and in pain and I could let it die or I could shoot it. If I let it die then some could say that I took pleasure in the pains of its dying. But if I just ******* It at least prove I have some compassion, even if I have no love.


I hate to break it to you but people aren't that complicated. I do have some experience in having closely known swingers. One woman committed suicide and none of the marriages made it (I'm an old guy btw).

But, you said it yourself, no one has studied this. In fact, it is pointless to do so since everyone lies about sex and most if not all sex studies are at best propaganda that service cultish sex fads.

The fetish, by my theories, is actually a phenomena that accompanies the dying of a civilization. I believe the Greeks and the Romans were affected by it. I think it may have something to do with human self-predation in the absence of an external predatory power. Basically, the strong culture has to eat away at itself for a new culture to rise up.

I went back and read all his posts and I remain convinced that he has been trying to get his wife to do this but isn't himself willing to go all the way. My advice remains what it was, don't take such a step unless you are willing to divorce your wife. If that is the case, then why use her that way and why get another man involved in an empty relationship? I suspect that if they really were just fuckbuddies this wouldn't be an issue and they would be indulging themselves.

I'm curious, how do you reconcile yourself to the possibility you may contribute to the destruction of a marriage by not objectively discussing that reality? You are clearly intelligent enough to realize the risks.

Sorry I don't understand why my post was removed. I did not name call or bash anyone. I simply thought the conversation was more about "saying something to be heard talking smartly" than that it was about truly about being constructive. Why that was deemed offensive but some of the other comments above particularly by subedai were not is disconcerting.

My wife loves BBC and I love cleaning her and him both, when they finish.

My wife loves BBC and I love cleaning her and him both, when they finish.

We have not regrets but think it is best to go into this slowly and with a great deal of communication. We also find that this kind of activity (swinging, cucking, hotwifing) tends to amplify the existing qualities of your relationship. What I mean by this is if your relationship is in good shape, loving and based on honesty cuckolding will add even more intensity to these feelings. However the same is true on the negative side. Cheating, lying, cruelty also will also come to the forefront if they exist in your current relationship. Our marriage has been strengthened by this special (albeit very kinky) bond we share. Our relationship was always solid and loving but not explosive sexually (which I didn't know better). Turns out we could have it all because we have found a form of sexual expression that has brings us both intense pleasure (I do know what it is now!).

I can also relate to the fear that you will lose control once you experience the intensity of this lifestyle. My fear was after I found out how intensely I responded to sex with black men that I could lose control of my desires and ruin my marriage. I purposely have made sure we paced ourselves and keep our marriage forefront. This has frustrated us both, especially my husband, but I see at as part of his training in learning to accept my lead in our sex lives as well as a way of maintaining my own bearings. A couple more years and the kids will be off at college and then we can be more free to indulge on a regular basis. Waiting for me does add to the intensity. I am of course horny much of the time but to wait 3-4 weeks makes drives me mad with passion. When I get to see the boyfriend after that long of wait the sex is truly amazing and I give myself totally and completely to my lover. In the end it is the perfect marriage for us....go slow, be smart and find the right path for you.
Sue